The Picks: Week 11

Alright, Week 11. Some notes: Point 23 has no idea what the records are, he'll get around to adding them up next week sometime when he has time; Kilcs will be pulling a Constanza and picking the opposite of every game (which is completely against the spirt of this competition; no one can pick above .500, but whatever) and everyone will be mad at him; Mr. Em is on pace to break the record for most exlamation points in one season - handily; and Zero has a real job which requires him to put in mad hours this weekend, so he has no witty comments about Michael Vick being Ron Mexico or the Giants all balling (wait, yes, he did get in a ballin' reference - well done, Zero).

Onto the picks...

Oakland at Kansas City (-9.5)
Kilcs: Kansas City. Trent Green coming back may not be a great thing for KC. I thought they were rolling under Huard. Oakland's defense has been playing very very well actually against pretty good teams. 9.5 seems like a lot of points for a team that's been playing as competitvely on the defensive side of the ball as Oakland has.
Mr. Em: Raiders. Trent Green turned into a Celtic God since his injury, I see hearts coming out of analysts ears when they talk about him. OK, he's a solid player, but he'll be rusty against a tough Raider defense. Nine.5 points...tippy toe over thisa way!
Zero: Kansas City.
Point 23: Oakland. The TGC will not allow this. Oakland may win this game striaght up. Idiots, Kansas City, idiots. Seriously, Herm: Trent Green has not been good for some time now. I'm sure he'll be great coming off a half-season concussion. Just because you two are the same age is no reason to play him. And why is KC always the first game on the gambling docket? Anyone?

Cincinnati at New Orleans (-3.5)
Kilcs: New Orleans. Cincy's offense last week was what I thought it would be like all year. New Orleans just lost to a Steelers team that has beaten Miami and Kansas City all season long. Despite the fact that Cincy lost to San Diego (who i think is one of the favorites to win the super bowl), I think they're reight there and about to get over the hump.

Mr. Em: Saints. Who dey think gonna beat them them Bengals? The list grows to 6 on Sunday.

Zero: New Orleans.
Point 23: Cincy. It'll be a shootout, but it looks like that Bengals offense is finally clicking (also known as Carson Palmer Stopped Flinching Like a Sixth Grade Girl Every Time Someone Came Within Six Feet of his Knee Just Because He Had Some Pathetic Surgery.)

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Cleveland
Kilcs: Cleveland. Let me get this straight. Pittsburgh is a favorite against Denver and New Orleans in back to back weeks then all of a sudden, they're only 3.5 favorites against Cleveland? Something's fishy and it's Vegas being smarter than us again. The Steelers got back to what they do best last week and that is running the football. Their defense still struggled, but that shouldn't be a prblem against Chaz Frye and company.
Mr. Em: Steelers. Last meeting, 41-0 Steelers.
Zero: Pittsburgh
Point 23: Cleveland. Screw you, Pittsburgh defense. Friggin' busts. And um, Troy? Remember in sixth grade when they taught everyone that if you lead with your head, you are gonna get hurt? No? Well that makes sense then. While we're here, I think players should get a penalty for not getting off the pile more quickly during a fumble recovery. Its so freakin stupid. We know you don't have it, get up so we can figure this shit out.

Tennessee at Philadelphia (-13.0)
Kilcs: Philly. Tennessee played baltimore close last week and have been playing pretty well save one game since Vince Young has been given the reigns. Jeff Fisher always has his team prepared and they rarely get blown out, plus that dude that stomps on people's bare face with metal cleats is coming back. He weighs about 400 lbs, I can't imagine he would hurt them. 13 just seems like too many points for a team that's been fighting as hard as Tennessee has.

Mr. Em: Titans. Jeff Fisher's mustache will be juuuust enough to cover in this one.

Zero: Tennessee.
Point 23: Philadelphia. Donovan McNabb: 4 TDs (all to Reggie Brown) 401 yards, no picks. Yay.

Atlanta at Baltimore (-4.0)
Kilcs: Atlanta. Vick is done. He's toast. Baltimore got one of their stinker games out of the way last week and still came away with the victory. They can really almost seal the division if they win a couple of more games and Steve McNair is that gritty, veteran leader that everyone was hoping he would be in Baltimore. (On a serious note, I heard one of the ESPN talking heads say that he should be considered for MVP. Are you f*$(ing kidding me?! MVP is a 2 man race, Manning and LT and someone bringing up McNair's name is absolutely ludicrous).
Mr. Em: Falcons. The Mexican jumping bean seems to play best when you least expect it.
Zero: Atlanta.
Point 23: Baltimore. We have the most maddeningly inconsistant weapon in NFL history against the luckiest team in the NFL this season. Who the hell knows what can happen. I'll take the home team. No screw that, I'll take Atlanta. I forgot about Ray Lewis making shit up about racism and then being on the cover of SI as "God's Linebacker." Everyone except Ray and SI knows that he'll be burning in hell for eternity. I hate him more than any player in the NFL.

St. Louis at Carolina (-6.5)
Kilcs: Carolina. See Steve Smith. See previous Carolina picks. (there is a little bit of a contradiction here for me cause Steven Jackson is one of my horses too and I think that CArolina actually makes more sense, playing at home, no Orlando Pace, etc and my new reverse theory says I should take the Rams, but #1 rule is still Steve Smith)
Mr. Em: Panthers. Why did the Rams change their colors after they won the Super Bowl. First off, those yellow Ram horns were flippin sweet, second, you just don't do that after you win the title (and don't even come at me with the Arch excuse). It's no coincidence: the Penguins won Stanley Cups, and then changed to girly gold, and look what happened.
Zero: St. Louis.
Point 23: Carolina. Once again, this is purely to spite Simmons (who has been absolutely on fire lately. With the exception of that rambling Doc Rivers column, his last two months have been phenomenal. This is awesome.)

Buffalo at Houston (-2.5)
Kilcs: Buffalo. It's hard to pick the opposite when you don't know what you would pick normally. I think that I talked myself into going with Houston because they're playing at home and because Buffalo blows. David Carr played well at the beginning of the season and the running game has shown some signs of life. I can't name one player on their defense besides Mario Williams though. Anyone know a lineback that plays for Houston? I think Phillip Buchanon might play DB?
Mr. Em: Texans. Lyla's from Texas! <33333333>
Zero: Buffalo.
Point 23: Houston. I have never cared less about a game, ever.

New England (-6.0) at Green Bay
Kilcs: Green Bay. This is a classic, everybody is burying the Patriots, Brady and Belicheck which is apparently the worst thing anyone could ever do. "How many times have we said you can't write off the Patriots. This is why they are champions, blah blah blah." (Side note: Belichek or however u spell his name is a jerk. An absolute jerk. Mangini is supposed to be one of your proteges, you don't turn your back on him. Plato didn't turn his back on Aristotle nor Aristotle on Socrates or whichever way that goes or maybe they did. (How crazy is it that those 3 dudes, like the 3 smartest guys in a 2,000 yr span all hung out together)).
Mr. Em: Packers. There was a sale out at the mall, buy a Bill Bellicek sweatshirt and get 6 points, I bought it!!!!!!!
Zero: New England.
Point 23: Green Bay. I have no reasons here.

Washington at Tampa Bay (-3.0)
Kilcs: Washington. See Hous/Buffalo. I have no idea. Both these teams are done and you can stick a fork in both of them. They suck. No Portis, Jason Campbell getting the start on the road. Has to be tough right? Would think Tampa should be able to win, hence go with Washington.
Mr. Em: Two pitiful offenses here, so give me the under on this one, Bucs 2-0.
Zero: Washington.
Point 23: Washington. Jason Campell gets a little beginners luck. And you're telling me Tampa Bay couldn't find a QB better than Chris Simms and Brad Gradkowski? Not one single player? Chris Simms has sucked forever, why they hell were they going into the season with him? He'll never, ever, ever be good. Ever. And now they're stuck with his backup. For as smart as John Gruden allegedly is, he really screwed the pooch on this one.

Chicago ( -7.0) at NY Jets
Kilcs: Chicago. I'm kind of violating my rule here, but kind of not. The Jets have been playign a lot better than people expect, so people are now beginning to expect them to play well. Also, this pick has major fantasy implications as we here at Psychos camp, are hoping to make a historic playoff run led by Thomas Jones running all over the T-Birds. "Psychos T-Bone T-Birds" (hey that was kind of gay..you know that youtube clip with the announcer?)
Mr. Em: Bears. Two wins in two weeks at the Meadowlands for the Bears.
Zero: Chicago.
Point 23: Jets. Rex Grossman....stop your Michael Vick impersonation and either suck or be great. Enough of this in-between bullshit.

Minnesota at Miami (-3.5)
Kilcs: Minnesota. I've been rambling and I apologize. Miami is suddenly good again, Saban can coach again and they're "playing like one of the best teams in the league the past few weeks" ESPN people are so stupid sometimes. In the words of another stupid ESPNer, not so fast my friends.
Mr. Em: Dolphins. Low scoring, one touchdown might win this game.
Zero: Miami.
Point 23: Miami. Finally. I've been saying it all year - Minnesota sucks. Finally I have some proof. Minnesota sucks! (You can have that ! back later, Em.)

Detroit at Arizona (-2.5)
Kilcs: Detroit. Arizona has too much talent right? Detroit will be looking forward to their annual SuperBowl in November on Thursday. Larry Fitzgerald, welcome back. We've missed you. Unfortunately, Roy Williams goes down with a hammy in the first quarter after fumbling on a 1 yard hitch.

Mr. Em: Lions. Bring back Wayne Fontze!!! and give me the points!!!!!!!
Zero: Detroit.
Point 23: Arizona. What the hell happened to the Matt Leinart Bandwagon? Dennis Green is fucking it up, thats what. How 'bout this for a general rule: If your coach has one of the five worst post-game press conferences ever, he gets fired immediately. Michigan St. kept the legally insane John L. Smith around, where did that get them? Dennis Green shoulda been fired months ago, and there isn't a reason good enough to even defend him. This is why Arizona annually blows.

Seattle (-3.5) at San Francisco
Kilcs: San Francisco. Wait. Seattle just beat a good Rams team last week without Alexander the Great and Hasslebeck and they're only 3.5 pt favorites agsint SF with those 2? Easy money. Unfortunately for the Great, the Madden Curse does not end until the season is over. He comes back this week has 27 yards on 9 carries with a fumble and a reaggrivation of his foot injury.
Mr. Em: Seahawks. Mike Holmgren's belly will be too much for the 49ers to handle.
Zero: Seattle.
Point 23: Santa Clara. Why wouldn't I pick a team to cover a week after announcing it was leaving a city in which it had played forever and is going up agiant the reigning MVP in his long-awaited debut. And Frank Gore is the best active running back from The U. Also, can we stop calling it "The U"? They suck now, they don't deserve a nickname.

Indianapolis (-1.5) at Dallas
Kilcs: Dallas. Indy can't lose. They're too good. Nobody can beat them and 1.5 means all htey have to do to cover is win basically. Peyton Manning won't let them lose. Romo's playing out of his mind and will come back down to earth in his debut @ Texas Stadium. Julius Jones goes off and a befuddled Psychos coach says I hate the Jones brothers, they always screw you.
Mr. Em: Cowboys. Romo outduels Manning???? Yes!
Zero: Indianapolis.
Point 23: Indianapolis. Nick Buno-cunt-i is gonna be dissapointed this week. And for the rest of the season. Indy is goin undefeated and winning the Super Bowl. Frankly, Ol' Nick can't die fast enough for me.

San Diego at Denver (-3.5)
Kilcs: Denver. Denver has no offense to speak of. San Diego has scored 30 points in 6 of its 9 games and has the best RB in the league and one of the best QBs in the league. Their defense should be able to shut down Denver's offense and nobody can seem to shut down LT and company. Getting 3.5? Easy money.
Mr. Em: Broncos. Denver defends the run well, and LaDainian struggles against the Broncos.
Zero: San Diego.
Point 23: San Diego. Whale's vag. That's huge.

NY Giants at Jacksonville (-3.0)
Kilcs: Jacksonville. I think because the Giants are on TV a lot and they're in a major market, we have higher expectations for them. Everyone thinks that Eli is really good and he's just not playing well? What has he done to make us think this? Garrard and the Jax offense can't do anything and Fred Taylor's 43.
Mr. Em: Giants. Tiki torches the Jags.
Zero: New York. Ballin G-men.
Point 23: Jacksonville. Jax plays well on the big stage and it turns out Eli isn't that good yet. I was debating between drafting him and Donovan McNabb for my fantasy team. Glad I took McNabb. Well, not that it really matters, since my team defended its title worse than the Steelers, but at least I had a silver lining for the first five weeks.

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The Picks: Week 10

Well, at least we aren't all tied anymore. Here's the standing heading into Week Ten:

Point 23: 23-36-4
Zero: 27-37-4
Mr Em: 27-37-4
Kilcs: 26-38-4

Onto the picks...

Kansas City (-1.0) at Miami
Point23: Kansas City. The Trent Green Corollary is just too powerful. See ya in the Super Bowl, Houston.
Zero: KC. The Dolphins played well but Larry Johnson isn’t Thomas Jones and Damon Huard is at least consistently serviceable, eeeehh hmmm. Suck it Rex.
Mister Em: Dolphins. This game will be put in the hands of Damon Huard, whoages ago believe it or not, backed up Marino. Huard is good enough to reallytake advantage of teams that can't stop run because it opens up things inthe passing game, but he'll struggle against a team like Miami who willsomewhat contain Larry Johnson and force Kansas City to make plays in thepassing game. Miami will pound the ball with Ronnie Brown, and rely on theirdefense to win a close one at Dolphin Stadium. With all that said, gimme thepoint!
Kilcs: Miami. Here's my strategy for this week. Pick the opposite of what I convince myself is gonna happen. Vegas is so smart and they prey on people like us who think we know what we're tlaking about because one team played bad last week or the other has a rookie QB or whatever. They know what we know and use it against us. I think KC is gonna win this game, but Vegas knows better.

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5)
Point 23: The Trent Green Corollary is just too powerful. See ya in the Super Bowl, Kansas City.
Zero: Jackonsville. No seriously Rex, suck it.
Mister Em: Jaguars. Garrard's a solid player, and he'll win the Jaguars alot of games this season if he continues to start, but he's not taking thisteam to the Super Bowl. Jaguars are hot. Houston, you have a problem.
Kilcs : Houston. Jacksonville has been playing real well with Garrard at the helm. You would think that Jacksonville, trying to solidify a playoff spot will be firing on all cylinders and taking advantage of the Texans being the Texans.

San Diego (-1.0) at Cincinnati
Point 23: San Diego. Cincinnati is in the midst of imploding. There's just too much bad stuff going on there. I can't believe the frickin' Ravens are running away with this division.
Zero: San Diego, I think it means whale’s vagina. Wouldn’t it be funny if ocho-cinco had that on his jersey this week. The Bungals just aren’t getting it done this year.
Mister Em: Bengals. Give me the point! because 1. at Cincy and 2. it's amust-win game for them.
Kilcs: Cincy. Ladanian Tomlinson is hte best player in the NFL not named Peyton Manning. HE scores more TDs than everyone else, but he isn't doing it Jerome Bettis style, he's busting off 30 yard scores and making moves and dominating games. Cincy's run defense is suspect. Cincy.

Baltimore (-7.0) at Tennessee
Point 23: Baltimore. In a route, too. The Ravens have several things going for them: the best lucky streak since Ferris Buehler decided to skip school, Brian Billick's ego is growing exponentially, and Ray Lewis thinks that racists locked the door on Steve McNair in Tennessee (and then those same racists went and drafted Vince Young ahead of the poster child for the white race, Matt Leinart). I love how Ray Lewis can just make up racist allegations and no one bats an eye. Whatever; he'll play out of his mind. This could be a shutout.
Zero: Ravens. Vince Young meet Ray Ray. And I think the Ravens get the most bullshit points on defense, but every week they get them so I guess it’s a little more than luck.
Mister Em: Titans. Man Law: Do not bet against a home team getting 7+POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!
Kilcs: Tennessee. Baltimore'sa way better team than Tennessee is and Tennessee was exposed last week. Confuse Vince Young, make him beat you with his arm and he won't. Baltimore's defense is one of hte best in the league even with the status of Ed Reed and Ray Lewis up in the air.

Cleveland at Atlanta (-7.0 )
Point 23: Atlanta. I want to believe in Michael Vick. Make me believe, Mike, make me believe.
Zero: Atlanta. Mike Vick returns to form as serviceable Mike Vick, not I missed my herpes meds Mike Vick. I hope that Charlie Frye takes a page out of LBJ23’s book and throws a pick with 1:00 left in a seven point game and walks directly to the locker room.
Mister Em: Falcons. If the Browns keep playin' like this they're gonna turninto Ravens again.
Kilcs: Cleveland. Atlanta is very good, way better than what we saw last week against Detroit. Mike Vick will show up and be the Mike Vick that everyone is afraid he might be for the rest of his career and Cleveland's defense will continue its impressive ineptitude. Cleveland.

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5)
Point 23: Buffalo. I don't think indy has been covered one of these huge spreads all season, but people must still be picking them to cover, because Vegas won't stop posting them. With that historically atrocious run D and no real running threat, Indy just can't blow teams out. And London Fletcher-Baker will have a huge day.
Zero: Buffalo. This will be a ten point game. Why? I don’t know. Little bit of a let down week for the Colts after the big W last week. Plus its about time for Payton to only throw for about 220, 2 touches and 2 picks. Both touches of course to Reginald Wayne.
Mister Em: Colts. Willis McGahee is out, which negates the only advantagethey had over the Colts, which was running the football. Peyton Manning isamazing, it's so incredible when he throws an incompletion.
Kilcs: Buffalo. Indy at home against Buffalo will put up 35 points at least, right? And JP Losman playing from behind seems to spell interceptions for me. No McGahee either. And the Colts are one of the best regular season teams ever. 22-2 their last 24 regular season games or something, that's off the top of my head, it might be better.

Washington at Philadelphia (-7.0)
Point 23: Philly. Coming off a bye week? After all those close losses? Against an overrated washington secondary that let Byron Leftwich throw all over it? Donnie Mac is ' bout to go off. If he's done one thing his whole career, its bounce back. He'll bounce back this week.
Zero: Redskins. This would be a great week for Clinton Portis to pull out another character. Like say maybe, Rufus Merriweather, newly elected Senator that wants to be a special advisor to Portis in his spare time. Donovan F. needs to get his head out of his ass too.
Mister Em: Eagles. Andy Reid has never lost after the bye week with theEagles. And that has nothing to do with covering but it's a step in theright direction.
Kilcs: Washington. Washington just came off a huge win last week, but Joe Gibbs doesn't care. He's been watching Tony Stweart make left turns better than anyone else and wants to get back in that action. He was so emotionless after one of the craziest finishes I've ever seen. He's done. They're done. And Donnie McNabb @ home after laying an egg last time against Jax.

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5)
Point 23: Green Bay. For some reason, I find myself cheering for the Pack. Don't know why. Maybe it's Greg Jennings, maybe it's Favre's salt-and-pepper beard.
Zero: Sex Boat. Steve Hutchinson has really made the difference. Poison pill be damned.
Mister Em: Vikings. That hot girl on "The Fantasy Show" with the implants said the Packers will make a run at the playoffs. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Mewelde Moore will find the endzone in this game and Chester Taylor will run for 100 yards.
Kilcs: Minnesota. They've not played wlell the last two weeks, including an embarassing performance against the 49ers. This is really a nothing game. Neither of these teams matter at all. So I don't really care, but I think I would pick GB normally, so I'm going Minnesota this week.

New York Jets at New England (-10.5)
Point 23: New England. I think Belichik hates Mangina and is mad his son is smoking pot. I think he takes it out on the Jets. And whatever happened to Jericho Cotchery. I was deciding who to add to my fantasy team this season, and I picked Marques Colston over Cotchery - barely. Good move by me. I still suck, but it was a good move.
Zero: Pats. Well, the newly acquired Thomas V. Brady will bounce back with huuuuuge numbers this week. Plus the 2 headed monster of a RB will get them to the goal line everytime and then Brady will either throw it to one of this 6 TE’s or Mike Vrabel.
Mister Em: Patriots. New England hasn't lost back-to-back games since 2001(Mike and Tommy, just to remind you that was the year I said they'd make itto the Super Bowl over the Steelers and you said 0.0 percent chance). 2 more reasons: at New England, and Tom Brady is jacked.
Kilcs: Jets. New England is one of the best teams in the league. They've lost to Indy and Denver. They don't lose back to back games, esp at home. Plus the Hooded One is pissed at Mangina. Real pissed. He's gonna give it to him. Hard. Jets.

San Francisco at Detroit (-6.0)
Point 23: Santa Clara. That Detroit offense is kinda scary, but I've been picking the Niners irrationally all season. Why stop now?
Zero: SF. They have to win again sometime right. And they should go back to the old jerseys like they wore last week, those were always classics. Santa Clara what?
Mister Em: Lions. Roar! I just wanted to put "Roar" and leave it at that,but let's talk about something: 49ers throwback uniforms. They wore themlast week and of course they played awesome and won. Only the powder bluesof San Diego are better. John York has ruined this team and I guarantee he'sthe uniform picker guy.
Kilcs: San Francisco. Detroit just beat Atlanta, surely they can beat San Francisco by a TD, right? SF is horrible, they haven't played well for a while and Martz offense is clicking and Roy Williams is suddenly maybe the best receiver in the NFL (Marvin Harrsion for my $).

Denver (-9.5) at Oakland
Point 23: Last time they played, Denver kept it close. I see them doing the same thing again, which amazed me, considering how much Shanahan hates them. You think he'd blow them out, just for bitterness's sake. I guess that is the power of Jake Plummer.
Zero: Denver. I think Oakland blows a lot more than they showed the past couple weeks. Gimme Jay Cutler, he would make this team more exciting, I just don’t like Plummer.
Mister Em: Raiders. If Walters doesn't act like a little you know what Iactually like Oakland in this game. Doesn't he just remind you of a bleepinbleep. Raiders have a playoff defense and they played the Broncos toughearlier this year at Mile High, losing 13-3. If Oakland upgrades their linein the off-season (it's really surprising to me that their line is THAT badwith two hall of fame offensive lineman as coaches in Art Shell and Jackie"don't you dare call me AC" Slater) they could be a .500 team next year.
Kilcs : Oakland. The Raiders are so bad. A. Walter makes Raiders fans long for Aaron Brooks. Their D has played alright, but Denver has that running game that's great and Javon Walker's come back witha vengence and that play action game that they have is frightening.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-4.5)
Point 23: Is Myrone Cope setting these lines? How they hell is Pittsburgh favored? What do they have to do for people to realize they suck, lose to the Raiders?
Zero: NO. I can’t trust this Stiller team. I would never bet on them. They turn it over sooo much and you just don’t know what team is gonna show up. Kinda like the Heat. I take it they are only favored because they are at home.
Mister Em: Steelers. I just talked to Cowher's brother, Doug, on the phone. Sounds pretty upbeat.
Kilcs: Pittsburgh. I don't understand it. The Steelers are supposed to be good, but they aren't. They turn the ball over, they don't stop people on 3rd downs, they turn the ball over, they don't establish the running game the way that they should, they turn the ball over and they get burnt. New Orleans is a really good team and Pittsburgh hasn't beat a really good team, much the less by 5.

St. Louis at Seattle (-3.0)
Point 23: Seattle. Seneca Wallace and Mo Mo Morris rule.
Zero: St. Louis bounces back and stays in the play-off hunt. Seneca Wallace and Mo-Bam Morris can’t get it done this week. Sorry for these shits being so short, I haven’t had a chance to watch too much football lately and I apologize.
Mister Em: Rams. This is another one of those fantasy picks. I have Wilkins,my opponnent has Bulger and Holt, 9-0 Rams.
Kilcs: Seattle. No Hasslebeck, no Alexander? I'll take my chances with Bulger and Jackson and Holt. (Wow 3 great fantasy players, which is what people follow most maybe, I bet people bet on the Rams way more than they should). Seneca Fallacy is exposed.

Dallas (-7.0) at Arizona
Point 23: Arizona. Matt Leinart owns Tony Homo. Plus, he went on a "date" with Jessica Simpson. If that's not the touch of death, I don't know what is. Romo will be writing crappy loves songs in a month.
Zero: Dallas. They beat the Suns the other night, the Cards have too many ouchies on D too.
Mister Em: Cardinals. See: Man Law.
Kilcs: Arizona. I still think Dallas is a way better team with Romo than with Bledsoe. TO dropped a ball last week that would have put the game away. The handled the Panthers, who are a very good team, on the road. Arizona just isn't that good and Edge James, man what happened to him? ACL injuries are crazy. Before he got hurt back in like 2000, he was freaking unbelievable. He had a few good years since then but a shell still, and now he's a shell of the shell.

Chicago at NY Giants (Even)
Point 23: Chicago. There's so many players out, I don't even know what to make of this game. Tiki annoys me to no end, so I'll say the bears. And yes, Grossman can suck it.
Zero: Giants. Did I mention Rex Grossman can suck it?
Mister Em: Bears. Giants are banged up at a number of positions, mostnotably at wide receiver with Toomer and Plax hurt. You have to be at fullstrength against a physical team like the Bears. Watching one your fantasyplayers play the Bears is scarier than Nightmare on Elm Street. You don'teven want your guy to score, you just want him to get outta there without abroken torso.
Kilcs: Chi-Town. Mark it down.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-9.5)
Point 23: Tampa Bay. Gruden will keep it close. And the chances of me watching Studio 60 instead of this game is about 1:1.
Zero: Panthers. Steve Smith shows the entire nation who the best receiver in the L is. My guess is Mike Jordan in the booth.
Mister Em: Panthers. Nothing beats watching football and Child's Play at the same time. Here's to hoping this week's MNF game is as good as last week's!
Kilcs: Carolina. My love for Carolina trumps all. Steve Smith for life.

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Tonight in the Assocation

I need NBA League Pass. I can't even fathom what it would be like to have an NBA game to watch every night. I just really wish I had it. That's all. Here's some picks.

Seattle at Charlotte (-1.0)
Charlotte. If Charlotte does nothing in the FA/Draft depts. for the next five years, and just lets Felton/May/Wallace/Morrison grow together, they could be pretty good right? Or do they need a go-to type guy? Is this a younger version of Chicago? Maybe? I think they could be really, really good if the just stew for a few years.

Orlando at Indiana (-4.5)
Indiana. Three Pacers have permits to carry concealed weapons. Guess who they are?

Atlanta at Toronto (-4.5)
Atlanta. Joe Johnson is on a mission to prove he deserves to be included in "Our Family." So far, so good.

Milwaukee at Washington (-6.0)
Washington.

Denver at Philadelphia (-3.0)
Denver. I'm not giving up on Denver. They're too good to bail on this early.

Utah (-4.0) at Boston
Utah. Can we trade Paul Pierce to someone who doesn't suck? I like watching him play, and it would be cool to see him on TV every once and a while. Plus, he has the sweetest pull up moves ever: Dribble once with the left hand, then slighty palm it like he's about to start a crossover, then wap - he's into his shot. He's releasing the ball before you realized he wasn't going to dribble again. And Boston's wasting it.

Miami at New Jersey (-4.5)
New Jersey. This seems like a great game for Miami to say, "Eh. Whatever." I think they're due for one of those, which is kind of like saying I think TO's due to drop a pass.

New York at Houston (-4.5)
Houston. This semi-decent record the Knicks are cobbling together just isn't working. We need to get a 10, 15 game losing streak going. C'mon, Houston: do us all a favor.

New Orleans (-2.5) at Portland
Portland. What's Zacn Randolph's motivation? Is he in a contract year or something? Is he betting on his own team?

Detroit at LA Lakers (-4.5)
LA Lakers. This west coast trip aint going so well for the Pistons it it? It says here it only gets worse.

(Oh, the Pacers that are strapped: Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels and, of course, Stephen Jackson.)

Yesterday: 2-1. Season: 26-23-1.

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Tonight in the Association

Just three games on the slate for tonight, but there's some good ones. Well, two anyways. Let's get to 'em.

Chicago at Cleveland (-4.0)
Cleveland. LeBron? On national TV? He'll show up.

A big topic of discussion lately is Kobe's supporting cast in Los Angeles: can they learn to still be aggessive when he's on the court? Or will they always defer to him by default? The thinking is that if Lamar and Friends can play with Kobe, the Lakers are pretty unbeatable. Good logic, too, I think.

But why doesn't anyone mention this with Cleveland? If any team is the poster child for deferring to its star player, its the Cavs. Do you remember the Cavs offense last year in the playoffs? You know, give the ball to Bron Bron and get the fuck out the way? (Sorry to swear like that right there - I'm really trying not to do that - but the offense was that ridiculous.) Now they have this motion offense, which is nice, but when it comes down to it, its still give it to Bron, but now you only have to get the hell out of the way. Baby steps, I guess.

Big matchup in this game, I think, is on the boards between Ben Wallace and Drew Gooden. If Gooden keeps it competitive, Cavs should win.

Oh yea, the Eric Snow Match Up of the Night: Kirk Hinrich. Yea. The Bulls actually have two point guards that are better than snow. Cripes.

Dallas at Phoenix (-5.0)
Dallas. Phoenix has a pretty bad habit of blowing late-game leads. So far this season they've blow leads of 19, 15, 9 and 9. Probably why they are 1-4. But that's going to happen; when you don't really focus on defense and just try to outscore your opponents, leads will come and go. If your shots aren't falling, you can't maintain a lead. Feast or famine, basically.

As bad as Dallas is playing, Phoenix will keep them in it. Dallas was gettin their ass beat at this time last night; PHX was playing a hard-fought OT game. And Dallas has to be a little more desperate. I hope they are, anyways.

NOOCH at Golden State (-2.0)
NOOCH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!

Last night: 5-6. Season: 24-22-2.

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The Trent Green Corollary

You know what I would do if I was the Texans and i was unsure if David Carr was my quarterback of the future? Or if I was the Raiders and wanted to improve Andrew Walters? Or if I was the Jaguars and needed to resolve the burgeoning quarterback debate between David Gerrard and Byron Leftwhich?

I would trade for Trent Green.

Once Trent Green is on your team, all your quarterback issues are solved. Just play Trent for a game. It doesn't even have to be a whole game. Just make sure you call as many risky pass plays as possible: Rollouts, naked boot legs, maybe throw in a few quarterback draws. The idea here is to get Trent seriously injured. Ideally, you want to knock him out for the season, but I think an extended period of time will work, too. To be safe, better get him injured for at least half the season - eight games.

Then just trot out whoever you had backing him up and presto! - you got yourself one of the top quarterbacks in the league. I really think this is fool proof.

Trent started his career in Washington. In his second season, he piloted the Skins to a 6-10 record and they obviously missed the playoffs. The following year, after his departure, Brad Johnson QB'd Washington and the Skins went 10-6 and made the second round of the playoffs while Johnson made the Pro Bowl. So far, one for one.

A few seasons later, when Trent got his knee shredded in St. Louis, his backup went on to win two MVP awards and a Super Bowl only a year or two removed from bagging groceries in Iowa. I believe you all are familiar with the Kurt Warner story.

But Trent was maybe even more impressive this season: after getting concussed on opening day, he opened the door for the unheralded Damon Huard to become one of the most productive signal callers in the NFL and have the Chiefs primed for a playoff run.

Look at that! Three for three. That really is remarkable; he's like a recyclable Wally Pipp. Judging by his track record, I'm penciling in the Chiefs for at least an appearance in the Divisional Playoffs, if not further.

This makes Herm Edwards decision painfully clear: if you want to go deep into the playoffs, stick with Trent's backup. If not, play Trent. The neat part is, Herm can't really screw this up. Well, maybe this season he can, but eventually Trent Green is going to leave Kansas City, either of his own volition or in an ambulance. It really doesn't matter; The Trent Green Corollary will hold up no matter what. The Chiefs are going to be great either now or in the very near future.

It's science.

And if you were Trent, wouldn't you tell teams this? He could make a million bucks a year for the rest of his life, bouncing from team to team, resurrecting franchise after franchise and crappy quarterback after crappy quarterback.

So why wouldn't the Texans do everything in their power to sign Trent? You got me. Hell, I'd trade for him right now. What if two teams took advantage of Trent in the same year? Could you imagine a Texans/Cheifs Super Bowl? I can.

Believe.

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Tonight in the Association

Somehow, I am still barely above .500. I thought by now I'd be lucky to have double figure wins. Its crazy to me that in the NBA, where players and teams are notorious for just randomly taking nights off and playing poorly because its their third game in a row on the road or something, that I could still be above .500. Meanwhile, when I try to pick NFL game, where its assumed everyone plays as hard as they can every Sunday, that I am no where near .500. I give up.

Onto the picks...

Indiana at Washington (-5.0)
Indiana. This is from Gilbert Arenas' blog:

"Yeah, I played two of the rookies to get my confidence up. They got beat 7-3.
Andray Blatche and James Lang. One was guarding me out on the perimeter; one was
waiting for me to get into the lane. Two straight fouls is an automatic point,
but they didn’t actually get to that. I didn’t get any free points that way, I
was trying, but … I was going for everything; layups, jump shots, they couldn’t
do anything with me."

There is no way that is true. I refuse to believe that. Gilbert's good, but c'mon...if he's beating people 2-on-1, shouldn't the Pacers get to start six guys tonight? I enjoy Gilbert, but for some reason this seems like too much. Calm down, homie. No need to make shit up and make two rooks look like jackasses.

Philadelphia at Toronto (-3.5)
Toronto. Early season MVP for AI? Sure. But sooner or later, the wheels are coming off. Iverson really is amazing. How he's keeping this team competitive is beyond me.

Seattle at Orlando (-7.0)
Orlando. I really want to believe in Orlando. Just think if Orlando is competing for the division in a few months: we'll have Sports Center stories on Dwight Howard's quest
to get a crucifux embedded into the NBA logo. Does he still want to do this? Or was that just a high school pipe dream? And did anyone ask The Logo how he felt about this?

Charlotte at Boston (-5.5)
Charlotte. Has Boston won yet? Is all that young talent going to be good? I wish there was a die hard NBA fan with a national column who could enlighten me.

Utah at New Jersey (-3.5) Utah.
There is a lot of chatter about Utah winning the division and maybe even getting to the Finals. Um, can we calm down here for a second? They didn’t even make the playoffs last year. I realize that they barely missed the playoffs and it was a big disappointment and all, but the Finals? I think we are jumping the gun a wee bit. Yea, AK47 and Boozer are good, and Okur is good, too: a formidable front line.

Deron Williams is better, but did you see him at the end of that Pistons game? He turned it over like three times on one play; not exactly clutch. Add him to whoever the hell that start at two-guard – CJ Miles? Derek Fisher? – and that’s one shaky back court.

Isn’t the “new” NBA all about excellent guard play, penetrating and kicking to open shooters, getting out in transition, etc? They are so freaking slow; I have no idea how they are going to keep up with anyone? And they aren’t that great defensively; they are right in the middle of the pack. Plus, in crunch time, who do you feel comfortable giving the ball to and saying “make a play.” Anyone?

Listen, I think the Jazz are good, and can be a tough out on the playoffs. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, eh?

Houston at Milwaukee (-2.0)
Houston. Shouldn't the Rockets just be unreal? They have two, arguably three, completely unguardable players and the best glue guy in the league. But somehow they aren't consistant. There is no way that is either Yao or Battier's fault. None. Bonzi hasn't been there long enough to have changed the team's attitude. This is either T. Mac or Skip to My Lou's fault. Both have a history of really not caring. Maybe its both of them, I don't know.

Phoenix at San Antonio (-5.5)
Phoenix. Could Bruce Bowen be a bigger prick? Honestly, what an absolute asshole. Who does something like that. Look at the names on his hit list: Ray Allen, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter and now Steve Francis. How can anyone argue that he is not intentionally putting his foot under jump shooters feet? Its absolutely, unequivically delibrate. He needs fined and suspended. He is easily the biggest prick in the NBA. I'd take TO on my team before I took BB. I hope Shawn Marion cold cocks him.

And how can Stern continue to let this happen? Look at the names on that list again: you're telling me it is better for business to let Bruce Bown run around maiming people than it is to have those guys on the court? What happens when Bowens does it to, say, LeBron (who absolutely bitched him in San Antonio, by the way) or Dwyane Wade? It is only a matter of time, becuase the older he gets, the more "crafty" he is going to have to be. And this is about as crafty as it gets.

New York at Denver (-.10.5)
Denver. When you are struggling a bit and need to pick things up, is there anything better than seeing the Knicks on the schedule? At your place? Its like a B-12 shot; completely invigorating.

(Full disclosure: I've never had a B-12 shot, but apparently they are phenomenal. Can you get these whenever you want? Do they have to be presecribed? Are you high all day, or do you just have a ton of energy? If they are so great, why aren't people getting injected with their morning coffee? Anyone?)

LA Lakers (-5.0) at Portland
LA Lakers. Is Kobe really that hurt? Is he going to be scoring like 18 points all year? Because if so, that sucks. Why doesn't he take a month off, get 100% and then come back like gangbusters? Or is this one of those things that no matter how much he rests, it won't get better until he can take all summer off? I think he should take as much time as he needs: LA starts the season with 15 out of their first 20 games at home and Lamar, Andrew & Co. seem to be holding things down. Last year, when I wanted less Kobe, he was on TV more than TO. Now that I want to see the Mamba every night, he's playing at 75%. Figures.

And how about Tex Winter telling Phillip to sit Kobe - through an e-mail? For some reason, that's just really great to me. Tex couldn't just hop on the phone? I didn't even think someone that old could use a computer. I'm impressed on a few levels.

Dallas at LA Clippers (-3.0)
Clippers. The Mavs have to get one tonight, don't they? Well, maybe not. They are going without Josh Howard and they have the incredibly bad karma of raising a completely meaningless banner. Did they all get rings, too? I'm telling you: they are the NBA's version of the Seahawks. I'll give it three weeks before Dirk has a stress fracture in his left foot a month until Bonzi Wells rolls into Jason Terry's knee.

Detroit at Sacramento (-1.0)
Sacramento. The West Coast trip from hell keeps getting worse for the Pistons. Sweet.


Last night: 3-3-0. Season: 19-16-2.

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Marty Burns' Power Rankings Confuse Me

Marty Burns writes the NBA power rankings over at SI.com. I'm sure Mr. Burns has watched much, much more NBA basketball than I have and I bet he knows alot more about it that I do. But his power rankings just confused the hell out of me. So I'm just gonna put them out here and if anyone can explain the rational, you just let me know. Thank you very much.

1. San Antonio Spurs (2-1)

They gained a measure of revenge with that opening-night win at Dallas. Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili look healthier this season, and Francisco Elson already adds some needed frontcourt quickness.

OK, when Marty wrote this, there was still three undefeated teams in the NBA and the Spurs had lost a nationally-televised game on their home court. Fine - the Spurs are a solid choice. After all, let's give them credit for beating an 0-3 team and the Knicks. Very impressive, right? And let's completely ignore how the Cavs handled them on their homecourt. Do we all agree to do this? Fine. Moving on...

2. Cleveland Cavaliers (2-1) Yes, they beat the Spurs in San Antonio. But it came on the second night of a back-to-back for the Spurs, and Saturday's loss at Charlotte means they automatically forfeit any claim to the top spot in these rankings.

So if two teams have the exact same record, and Team A beat Team B head to head, shouldn't team A be ranked higher than them? Are we sure Marty didn't create the BCS, too?

3. New Orleans Hornets (3-0)

Chris Paul and his new-look squad gave their old fan base a treat with Sunday's win over the Rockets at New Orleans Arena. It also kept them perfect after impressive road wins at Boston and Indianapolis.

Finally, an undefeated team makes Marty's power rankings. Isn't the point of these rankings to show who has been most impressive so far? Wouldn't a team with no losses be more impressive than a team with one?

And yes, I realize these things are arbitrary and stupid, but this guy writes for freakin' Sports Illustrated. Sports Illustrated. I just think...oh, who the hell cares.

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Tonight in the Association

Atlanta at Cleveland (-10.5)
Cleveland. I have a theory that I would rather have any other starting point guard in the NBA than Eric Snow. Rather than just glossing over some rosters and making up my mind in 4 minutes, I'm going to compare Snow to his counterpart each night. Tonight he goes against Speedy Claxton, who is the complete opposite of Snow, which makes him better. 1-1.

What is the appeal of Snow anyways? Its not like he's guarding anybody. Here's Charley Rosen: "Eric Snow can no longer remember when he was able to play acceptable defense." He can't score. He's not exactly penetrating and getting people the ball. He's just out there. Imagine doing this in any other line of work. I just don't get it.

Philadelphia at Indiana (-4.5)
Indiana. Philly is starting out on fire, aren't they? They're gunning for Surprise Team of the Year right out of the gate. I've got a sneaking suspiscion that Indiana is that team, though. We'll see tonight.

Seattle at Miami (-4.5)
Seattle. I really don't get why Seattle is so bad. They have the best shooter in the league, one of the best rebounders, a versatile inside-outside threat, a point guard who can push the ball and find people. Oh, they have absolutely no one inside? Well then, Shaq should get the Heat the win. Wait - Shaq is faking a knee injury so he only has to play 30 games this year? Oh. Well, no Daddy inside means Miami loses its prime advantage over Seattle. And a percieved weak opponent flying cross-country seems like exactly the team the Heat really could care less about.

And I'm really glad I drafted Shaq on my fantasy team. He'll look really god at the end of my bench. Lazy bastard.

Houston (-4.0) at Memphis
Houston. I bet Rudy Gay and Hakim Warrick goofing around after practice is really fun to watch. They should be teammates in the dunk contest. Those two should make one of those Powerade commercials where they are dunking from half court and jumping over the backboard and shooting through the rim without disturbing the net (they are freakishly athletic, but they are still skinny as hell).

The Rockets are just going to out talent the Grizz, though. Yao doesn't know you are allowed to take every third night off in the NBA without anyone questioning you.

Golden St. at NOOCH (-7.5)
NOOCH. Let down game after upsetting the Mavs. Plus, I like saying NOOCH!

Minnesota at LA Lakers (-8.0)
Minnesota. Eight points seems like too much, especially with Kobe not at 100% and Lamar & Co. still trying to figure out how to play with Kobe. If those two ever get on the same page, watch out.

Last night: 4-2-1. Season: 16-13-2.

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Tonight in the Association

Took Sunday off - as long as the NFL is in full swing, that's gonna be the pattern.

Onto the picks...

Washington at Orlando (-3.0)
Orlando. Good to see Gilbert got his stroke back. But Orlando has to have a little pride after losing to the Hawks, right?

Oh: Is JJ Redick hurt? Is he playing? I don't feel like looking it up, but I want to know, so can someone who knows just tell me?

San Antonio (-6.5) at New York
San Antonio. They can't set this line high enough.

Milwaukee at Chicago (-6.0)
Chicago. Freakin' Bulls. I don't know. Depends if they are making their jumpers. I hope they do tonight.

Golden State at Dallas (-10.0)
Dallas. Hey Dirk? Let's get the Mavs off the snide, eh?

Detroit at Utah (-5.0)
Detroit. Utah wins, but the Pistons keep it close. Free Sheed!

Minnesota at Sacramento (-4.5)
Sacramento. Kevin Martin drops 35. Mark it down.

Portland at LA Clippers (-11.5)
Portland. Brandon Roy continues his ROY campaign.

Saturday: 4-4-1. Season: 12-11-1.

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Tonight in the Association

I've decided that under no circumstance is it wise to bet either for or against the Miami Heat. You have no idea when they are going to show up. You think they'd try against the Bulls, everyone's 'sexy' pick to win the conference. You think they'd take the night off against an established, veteran team like the Nets. You'd be wrong twice. So, just a fair warning: the Heat are a lose-lose proposition.

Onto the picks...
Boston at Washington (-7.0)
Boston. Here's to hoping Gilbert gets back on track. I think he does. Just not by seven points.

Cleveland (-4.0) at Charlotte
Cleveland. 82-0? Pass the Kool-aid. And I'm not sure, but I think LeBron went and got himself a jump shot. He was coming off screens and knocking them down, drilling one dribble pullups...if he finds a stroke, that's pretty much it, right? How crazy would it be if LeBron learned how to shoot and Michael Vick learned how to pass in the same week? We could see both GOATs grow up in the same week.

Memphis at Detroit (-7.0)
Detroit. This is based solely on how bad Mike Miller looks. I really can't get over it. Can't Stern University do something about this?

(By the way, if I had the resources, I would definetely print up a truckload of "Property of Stern U. XXL" T-shirts and sell them outside Mavericks game. I bet I'd sell a lot.

Indiana (-3.0) at New York
Indiana. Hey, its the old team Isiah ruined vs. the one he is currently ruining. Tomorrow, the Knicks take on the CBA.

I think you have to be firmly in one camp or another when it comes to the Knicks: definte success - like a 5-seed in the playoffs - or utter and abject failure. I'm firmly in the WWIII-esque camp. I mean, how fun will it be to see the Knicks battle for an 8-seed? Not very. We need a disaster!

Sacramento at Milwaukee (-2.0)
Sacramento. If Milwaukee loses to FC Barcelona and then finds a way to beat Kevin Martin and the Kings...well, it won't make too much sense, now will it? Seems like a perfect reason for it to happen then.

Dallas (-2.0) at Houston
Houston. The Mavs are the NBA's Seahawks - lose in the Finals, then find ways to blow it the following season. Well, probably not. But maybe.

While we're here, two quick player predictions from both teams.

First, Devin Harris will have a poor year. Harris caught a few teams by surprise last season with his quickness and explosiveness getting to the rim. But NBA teams are smart, and I think they'll figure Harris out: let him shoot. Back off him when he has the ball, go under screens, etc. He wants nothing to do with any FGA outside of 15 feet anyways. Once he gets a J, he could be tough. This season, though, he'ss struggle.

Prediction No. 2: Rockets rookie Steve Novack will have more 3's - and more total points - than JJ Redick. I thought the Rocket should have drafted JJ, but Novack is a crazy shooter, too - plus he's 6'10". He'll be an imporant role player in for the Rockets this season.

Golden State at Utah (-6.0)
Utah. Um, I have nothing to say since I've never seen either team play. I just think Utah is better and is going to cover a lot of spread this year. I wish I had NBA League Pass.

Do you think AK47 takes his wife up on her one groupie per year offer? Or do you think he's faithful? Or is he like everyone else in the NBA and just has three-ways whenever he feels like it? Do you think he tells her when he does it? And don't you think only having one night would make your obsession with other women worse? You'd obsess over it like you were buying a new car. I'm not sure I want to know the answer to these, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyways.

Minnesota (-3.0) at Portland
Minnesota. Against my better judgement. The Vikings and the T-Wolves confuse me. Freakin' Minnesota and its lakes and borders with Canada. What the hell is going on up there?!?!


Phoenix at LA Clippers (-3.0)
Phoenix. Is Jalen Rose playing? And is Jalen Rose the best remaining member of the Fab 5? I mean, Webber will have better career numbers and was a freakin monster in his prime, but how about now? Would the Suns trade Rose for Webber straight up? The fact that I am even debating this really shows how disapointing the end of C-Webb's career has been.

Last night: 6-7-0. Season: 8-7-0.

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The Picks: Week 9

Look at the parity heading into Week 9:

Point23: 22-28-4
Kilcs: 22-28-4
Mr. 'Em: 22-28-4
Zero: 22-28-4

That's pretty remarkable, isn't it? Well, remarkable in the sense that all four of us have identical records and that's pretty improbable; not remarkable in like...you know, being remarkable. Well under .500. Poor effort by us. We should have to run some laps or something.

I think our records would be a little better if I would stop irrationally picking the 49ers, if Mr. 'Em would stop irrationally picking the Dolphins (0-7 against the spread. 0-7!), if Kilcs didn't let his fantasy players make his picks for him and if Zero stopped picking NBA games.

But hey: we ain't quitters. This week is dedicated to Avis: we try harder!

I'd like to take the time to dedicate the next four weeks to Shawne Merriman. I know I'll miss his Lights Out dance, which doesn't even look like he's turning out the lights.

Onto the picks...

Kansas City at St. Louis (-2.0)
Point23: Kansas City. I don't know why the Chiefs are good, but apparently they are. And yes, this is a spite pick because Simmons pissed me off. (Say what you will about Simmons - and I have - but no one previews the NBA better than he does. And his Friday NFL columns are the best. I wish he'd just stick to that stuff and not be so condescending all the time.)
Kilcs: St. Louis. Kansas City seems to be two different teams depending on where the game is played. Despite the fact that Huard is proving himself ot be a competend NFL QB and Larry Johnson is returning to form, I think the Rams have too much fire power on offense and will win in a high scoring affair.
Mr Em: Rams. Damon Huard has been playing like a Pro Bowler (Steelers game excluded) since he's replaced Trent Green, and I believe he's earned the starting job (8 tds, 1 int, 100.4 rating). Teams haven't been able to put 8 in the box to stop LJ because of Huard's effectiveness, and Kansas City's run game has benefited from that significantly. Neither team will be able to stop the other in this game, but I like the Rams because of home field advantage and I believe their offense can match whatever number KC puts up.
TheNumberZero: St. Louis. I think that the all-night-partying-with-porn-stars-Chiefs team is gonna show up. Herm Edwards can’t be too happy about that.


Cincinnati at Baltimore (-3.0)
Point23: Cincinnati. The Ravens have the most overrated secondary in the NFL. Ocho Cinco and TJ Doushmanzadeh expose it and completely ignore Rudi Johnson in the process. Do you think he gets pissed after the game when they are all hanging out? I bet he just sits there all quiet, but one of these times, he's gonna snap.
Kilcs: Cincy. Baltimore just whipped New Orleans, but I think the next few weeks will show that the Saints aren't the team that everyone hoped they would be. I think the Bengals have the most talent in the AFC North and their D will cause some turnovers.
Me Em: Ravens. Ocho Cinco might be turning into a Bengal Tiger, but he still plays like a pussycat. Ravens will control the game by winning the battle in the trenches, and like Jaws says, that. is. why. they'll win this game.
TheNumberZero: Baltimore. If you can win at the Saints, then you can beat the Bengals at home.

Houston at NY Giants (-13.0)
Point23: Giants. I think there's a very real chance to Brandon Jacobs shatters someones helmet with his knee in this game. I know this isn't anything new. but Jacobs is huge. I can't get over it. Its like the Giants suited up Dwight Howard.
Kilcs: NY. David Carr at the Meadowlands after being pulled for Sage Rosenfels. Not exactly a lot to be excited about if you're a Houston fan. At least Reggie Bush isn't as goodin real life as he is in Madden. The Giants are my pick for the 2 seed in the NFC playoffs.
Mr Em: Oilers. Put the damn oil rig back on the helmet already, Texans is just plain stupid. Giants have covered in their last four games. Houston's a bad, bad, bad team. One thing I've learned about the NFL is to expect the unexpected. So get naughty and slap them points on me!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: NY Giants. Baaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllinnnnnnn.

Tennessee at Jacksonville (-9.5)
Point23: Tennessee. If Jacksonville plays Atlanta, does the universe implode? I have no idea what either of those two teams are made of. I just don't see David Gerrard beating a team - any team - by 10.
Kilcs: Tennessee. Jacksonville is more the team that they were against Philly than the team they played against the Texans a couple of weeks ago, but they don't blow teams out. Ten points is still a lot in the NFL and the Titans have played very competitive football since the Indy game. That continues on Sunday.
Mr. Em: The Jaguar bushes. I really like the Jaguars defense, and Garrard can get outside of the pocket and make some plays with any of his limbs. Freddy Taylor still has some gas in his tank, but I really think Maurice Jones-Drew is going to be a stud in this league for years to come.
TheNumberZero: Jacksonville. By 10. As long as fatty Leftwich isn’t playing. He can’t even make it over the wall on Battle of the NFL Superstars.

Dallas (-3.0) at Washington
Point23: Washington. Because it makes no sense, that's why.
Kilcs: Dallas. Joe Gibbs will be back in NASCAR next year and Bill Parcells might not be on the sidelines either, but Romo has rejuvenated him as well as TO. Dallas wins this and creates some separation between the haves (Dallas and NYG) and have nots (Wash and Philly) in the NFC East.
Mr. Em: Cowboys. Dallas finally has what the Redskins cannot defend, and that is the pass. The Cowboys went from a team that looked like they had no chance of making the playoffs against the Giants and Panthers (for a quarter and a half), to a team that realistically can win their division.
TheNumberZero: Dallas. I like the fact that the entire NBA is sponsored by adidas. I think that is gonna be a good move. I like the three stripes on the back of the warm-ups and on the ref shirts.

Green Bay at Buffalo (-3.0)
Point23: Green Bay. I can't believe Buffalo is favored in this game. Did I miss something? I think Louisville could beat Buffalo.
Kilcs: Green Bay. Get on the bandwagon. With the way the NFL is set up, bad teams play other bad teams. So the better of the bad teams will wind up with a respectable record at the end of the season. Favre throws 3 more TDs and inches closer to breaking Skinny's record. Go Deep! (Papa John's!) (What a sellout Marino's become)
Mr Em: Buffalo. Logic tells Mr. Em to take the Packers given their 3-0 record against terrible teams - Lions, Dolphins, and Cardinals, but Mr. Em says the hell with logic! I don't want the points!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Cheeseheads. What a boring game. Jennings better play and have 2 scores and 150 yards.

New Orleans (-1.5) at Tampa Bay
Point23: New Orleans. When someone says "Tampa Bay" my first thought is John Gruden and then...blank. I don't think that's a good thing. (OK, Ronde Barber, Cadillac, Gradkowski. Yea. That's a lot better, isn't it?)
Kilcs: Tampa Bay. If Reggie Bush doesn't play, New Orleans is a totally different team. He's not as good as he is in Madden in real life, but he makes defenses have to be aware of him. Even if he does play, Tampa's due for a win at home and I think that Caddy has a semi-break out game this week.
Mr. Em: Bucs. After getting off to a rocky start, the Bucs have won 2 straight games at home against decent teams - Cincy and Philly. Tampa will avenge their 24-21 loss at New Orleans earlier this year. Just gimme that point and a half!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Saints. Rebound. Speaking of rebounding, how bout D-Ho. I think that if he was on the National Team then they win it all. He would eat Baby Greek Shaq up and shit him out to look like Ala Abdenaly.

Atlanta (-5.5) at Detroit
Point23: Atlanta. Michael Smith wrote a pretty good piece - which I happen to agree with - saying that Manning and Brady will eventually be the two greatest QBs of all time. But if Mike Vick continues to pass like he has the last two games, he'll be the greatest weapon ever unleashed on pro football. Ever. There's no feasible way to defend him. And Michael Smith is the only redeemable person on ATH besides Reali.
Kilcs: Atl. The league should start to be afraid, very afraid. Mike Vick has become just ridiculous in the past couple of weeks. Currently ATL is a 26:1 shot to win the superbowl, if the steelers didn't screw me last week, I'd lay some money on them. And surely, a SuperBowl contender can beat the Lions by 6, right?
Mr Em: Falcons. Vick's playing the best football of his career, making plays in and out of the pocket. Detroit's looking forward to playing on Turkey Day once again, which for the 10th consecutive year, will be the only game that matters for them late in the season.
TheNumberZero: Falcons. The Pistons suck, no seriously I think they win 43 games this year and lose in the first round. Rasheed might not even play in that many games. They need a new coach, maybe Dumars can hire Matt Millen.

Miami at Chicago (-13.5)
Point23: Chicago. Are you kidding me? After last week? They couldn't set this line high enough. They could have set it at 28 and I'd still take the Bears.
Kilcs: Chicago. They are one of those good teams that blow out bad teams, not just beat them. The defense has been incredible at home (on the road for that matter too) and the Dolphins don't have any real weapons that they utilize in any effective manner. The spread will be covered by halftime.
Mr Em: Dolphins. The Miami Dolphins need to put complete focus on covering the spread (0-6-1) before they can think about winning a game (1-6). I've picked Miami in every football competition I've been in this year (i.e. gambling, fantasy football) and if I pick against them I know they'll royally screw me and cover. So with that said, I'll take the flippin' Dolphins once again, Bring back Skinny!!!!! and Give me the POINTS!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Bears. This line should be in the 20’s. Miami can’t score against a normal team, let alone this team. This could be worse than Heat-Bulls and that’s saying something.

Minnesota (-5.0) at San Francisco
Point23: San Fran. Bounce back game for the Niners; Minny can't recover from the beatdown on MNF. Plus, they suck. Somehow they have a good record, but they suck. I really believe this.
Kilcs: SF. They played decently in the beginning of the year and I think that the Patriots might have exposed the Vikes a little bit. This whole game managing thing by a QB is nice and all but it's good to have your QB make some plays too. Brad Johnson is solid, but doesn't make many plays. Minnesota may win but I think SF will cover.
Mr. Em: Vikings. Minnesota can't give up on the run like they did after the first quarter in that Monday night thrashing. They should be able to run the ball on the 49ers.
TheNumberZero: Vikings. You want me to talk about football, No. The T-Wolves are for real this year. You think that it’s about me. It’s about the power of 5. Your not a fool. Are you?

Cleveland at San Diego (-12.5)
Point23: San Diego. I just hope Marty doesn't have LT running up the score in the fourth quarter. He's gonna get hurt one of these times, Marty.
Kilcs: Cleveland. San Diego is definitely going to win this game. Definitely. But I think that Cleveland will play them close for some reason. Much to my dismay, Kellen Winslow is real good and I think he'll make some plays to keep it respectable.
Mr. Em: Chargers. It's true! Spread the good news....there IS a FANTASY GOD!!!! Next thing you know, dude's gonna be speakin' in tongues.
TheNumberZero: Browns. Here I come. Cannnnnnonballllllllll. You can’t beat the Browns by just training in a pool Phil, you just can’t do it.

Denver at Pittsburgh (-3.0)
Point23: Denver. Tom Brady couldn't pass on Denver, something is telling me Big Ben may struggle. Just thinking out loud here.
Kilcs: Denver. Is this really the right line? Are you sure? I realize I'm bitter that the Steelers burned me by not beating Oakland by 2, but there has been no reason to believe they can beat a good team. They've been close, but haven't done it yet all year. They have beat Miami and KC.
Mr. Em: Steelers. The past two weeks were must win games for the Steelers. You have to look at this as an elimination game if your Pittsburgh, because 10 wins doesn't guarantee you a playoff berth in the competitive AFC.
TheNumberZero: Denver. I have no other reasoning then me not trusting Big Ben right now. That’s it. Plus Pittsburgh needs an NBA team. Like soon. C’mon Cuban, let’s see what you can do.

Indianapolis at New England (-3.0)
Point23: Indianapolis. I know, I know. Brady owns Manning. The Colts can't stop the run; NE has a great power running game. Its at New England. I know all this. Really, I do. I just think Manning does it this year. I apologize in advance. And if I'm wrong, I'll blaze with Belichik's son.
Kilcs: New England. Indy's run defense bothers me and Belichik and Brady are 6-1 or 7-1 against Manning. Manning, more than any QB, can play a perfect game, but it's hard to play a perfect game every week. New England will win, but this is a great game.
Mr Em: Patriots. This comes down to fantasy football ethics. I have Brady and Maroney, my competitor has Manning.
TheNumberZero: New England. This will be a shootout and probably one of the best games of this year. Go Reggie Wayne.

Oakland at Seattle (-7.0)
Point23: Oakland. Three in a row, baby! Yea!
Kilcs: Seattle. Seneca Wallace didn't suck at KC. I think he'll play decent at home and Oakland's offense is still putrid, even though they've won 2 games now. Their defense cannot win 3 games in a row for them.
Mr Em: Raiders. When your not sure what your going to get out of either team, you quite simply (let's say it together now) TAKE THE POINTS!!!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Oakland. What a horrible MNF game. I guess with such a great Sunday night game they had to make this one shitty.

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Tonight in the Association

You know what sucks about the NBA? On any given night, a team will just tank it. Completely pack it in. And you have no idea when it's coming, so betting on a random game is a complete crap shoot. Its not like the NFL where you know every time is trying its hardest to win every night. Miami couldn't even play hard on opening night for God's sake. Unless its a huge rivalry game, there's a 15% chance (maybe higher?) that Team X says "Screw it, we'll get the next one...Vin, put the bottle down - you're in!"

That said, we got a full slate of games tonight! We should drink or something. Yea, let'd do that. Onto the picks...

New Orleans at Indiana (-4.5)
NOOCH. Chris Paul vs. Jamal Tinsley. Um, you pick.

Milwaukee (-1.0) at Toronto
Milwaukee. Hey, its two teams who made an off-season trade! TJ Ford for Charlie Villanueva striaght up. I think the Bucks got the better end of the bargain, so we'll give them the nod here.

Philadelphia at Orlando (-5.5)
Orlando. Dwight Howard is the new Shaq.

Detroit (-2.5) at Boston
Boston. Can Sheed make it two-for-two? Do you believe? I believe.

New Jersey at Miami (-4.0)
New Jersey. Um, maybe if this was the playoff's last year. Miami really couldn't care less. Actually, they are so old I don't think they could care if they wanted to.

New York at Atlanta (-2.5)
Atlanta. Wow. Atlanta is favored. The team they are playing must suck...oh. The two most mismanaged teams in the last five years settle it on the court: who botched it worse? Well, only New York has their mastermind actually coaching them now. I think we found a winner.

Cleveland at San Antonio (-5.5)
Cleveland. Finals preview! I hope LeBron cracks Bruce Bowen's sternum in half.

Charlotte at Memphis (-4.0)
Charlotte. If you think I'm backing a team that a) lost to the Knicks and b) has the ugliest player in the NBA on its team, well...you'd be wrong.

Sacramento at Chicago (-6.0)
Chicago. Ron Artest and Ben Wallace can guard eachother. The other 8 players on the court can play regular basketball.

Utah at Phoenix (-6.5)
Utah. Phoenix has to be getting a little tired, don't they?

Minnesota at Denver (-5.0)
Denver. If this really is "new Melo," he'll bounce back with a vengence. I think its new Melo.

Portland at Golden State (-8.5)
Portland. This is basically saying that Portland is far and away the worst team in the NBA, right? Over 8 point dogs to the Warriors? I hope I read that wrong or something. That's ridiculous.

Seattle at Los Angeles Lakers (-4.0)
Lakers. Is Kobe playing? Who cares? Long live Lamar!

Last night: 2-0. Season: 2-0.

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I'd Like to See It, But I Hope I Don't

I've heard this more than once: if the Michigan/Ohio State game is a classic, then it should be played again for the national championship.

The logic goes that if the game is very close, with, say Michigan winning on a field goal as time expires or Ted Gynn Jr. for Ohio State catching a TD pass with 2 seconds left, then the two teams should line up again and play it for the national title six or seven weeks later.

As much as I'd like to see Michigan play Ohio State ten times this season, this idea is stupid. Say Michigan goes into the 'Shoe and knocks of Ohio State. Fine. Now say they play eachother again in the National Title game and Ohio State redeems themselves and beats Michigan.

The two teams each won one game against the other. Both Michigan and Ohio State are 1-1 head-to-head. But Ohio State is your national champion becuase they won the second time around. How does that make any sense at all?

Why should the team who loses the first game get a second crack at the national title? Didn't they already have their shot to beat the best team in the nation? Are they that much better than every other one-loss team in the country? And what about the other schools who actually do finish the season undefeated? They are less worthy that Michigan or Ohio State with one loss?

This line of thought just makes no sense to me. The national championship shouldn't be double-elimination.

I understand that the national championship should pit the top two teams in the country, and those two teams are probably Ohio State and Michigan. But we will already know who is better between those two teams once they play. Playing it again is redundant.

Now, I'm not saying it a Michigan/Ohio State rematch wouldn't draw higher ratings; that match up would probably be the ideal national championship, ratings-wise. But does it make sense when crowning your national champion? I think not.

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