Friday, November 17, 2006

The Picks: Week 11

Alright, Week 11. Some notes: Point 23 has no idea what the records are, he'll get around to adding them up next week sometime when he has time; Kilcs will be pulling a Constanza and picking the opposite of every game (which is completely against the spirt of this competition; no one can pick above .500, but whatever) and everyone will be mad at him; Mr. Em is on pace to break the record for most exlamation points in one season - handily; and Zero has a real job which requires him to put in mad hours this weekend, so he has no witty comments about Michael Vick being Ron Mexico or the Giants all balling (wait, yes, he did get in a ballin' reference - well done, Zero).

Onto the picks...


Oakland at Kansas City (-9.5)

Kilcs: Kansas City. Trent Green coming back may not be a great thing for KC. I thought they were rolling under Huard. Oakland's defense has been playing very very well actually against pretty good teams. 9.5 seems like a lot of points for a team that's been playing as competitvely on the defensive side of the ball as Oakland has.
Mr. Em: Raiders. Trent Green turned into a Celtic God since his injury, I see hearts coming out of analysts ears when they talk about him. OK, he's a solid player, but he'll be rusty against a tough Raider defense. Nine.5 points...tippy toe over thisa way!
Zero:
Kansas City.
Point 23: Oakland. The TGC will not allow this. Oakland may win this game striaght up. Idiots, Kansas City, idiots. Seriously, Herm: Trent Green has not been good for some time now. I'm sure he'll be great coming off a half-season concussion. Just because you two are the same age is no reason to play him. And why is KC always the first game on the gambling docket? Anyone?

Cincinnati at New Orleans (-3.5)
Kilcs: New Orleans. Cincy's offense last week was what I thought it would be like all year. New Orleans just lost to a Steelers team that has beaten Miami and Kansas City all season long. Despite the fact that Cincy lost to San Diego (who i think is one of the favorites to win the super bowl), I think they're reight there and about to get over the hump.

Mr. Em: Saints. Who dey think gonna beat them them Bengals? The list grows to 6 on Sunday.
Zero: New Orleans.
Point 23: Cincy. It'll be a shootout, but it looks like that Bengals offense is finally clicking (also known as Carson Palmer Stopped Flinching Like a Sixth Grade Girl Every Time Someone Came Within Six Feet of his Knee Just Because He Had Some Pathetic Surgery.)

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Cleveland
Kilcs: Cleveland. Let me get this straight. Pittsburgh is a favorite against Denver and New Orleans in back to back weeks then all of a sudden, they're only 3.5 favorites against Cleveland? Something's fishy and it's Vegas being smarter than us again. The Steelers got back to what they do best last week and that is running the football. Their defense still struggled, but that shouldn't be a prblem against Chaz Frye and company.
Mr. Em: Steelers. Last meeting, 41-0 Steelers.
Zero: Pittsburgh
Point 23: Cleveland. Screw you, Pittsburgh defense. Friggin' busts. And um, Troy? Remember in sixth grade when they taught everyone that if you lead with your head, you are gonna get hurt? No? Well that makes sense then. While we're here, I think players should get a penalty for not getting off the pile more quickly during a fumble recovery. Its so freakin stupid. We know you don't have it, get up so we can figure this shit out.

Tennessee at Philadelphia (-13.0)
Kilcs: Philly. Tennessee played baltimore close last week and have been playing pretty well save one game since Vince Young has been given the reigns. Jeff Fisher always has his team prepared and they rarely get blown out, plus that dude that stomps on people's bare face with metal cleats is coming back. He weighs about 400 lbs, I can't imagine he would hurt them. 13 just seems like too many points for a team that's been fighting as hard as Tennessee has.
Mr. Em: Titans. Jeff Fisher's mustache will be juuuust enough to cover in this one.
Zero: Tennessee.
Point 23: Philadelphia. Donovan McNabb: 4 TDs (all to Reggie Brown) 401 yards, no picks. Yay.

Atlanta at Baltimore (-4.0)
Kilcs: Atlanta. Vick is done. He's toast. Baltimore got one of their stinker games out of the way last week and still came away with the victory. They can really almost seal the division if they win a couple of more games and Steve McNair is that gritty, veteran leader that everyone was hoping he would be in Baltimore. (On a serious note, I heard one of the ESPN talking heads say that he should be considered for MVP. Are you f*$(ing kidding me?! MVP is a 2 man race, Manning and LT and someone bringing up McNair's name is absolutely ludicrous).
Mr. Em: Falcons. The Mexican jumping bean seems to play best when you least expect it.
Zero: Atlanta.
Point 23: Baltimore. We have the most maddeningly inconsistant weapon in NFL history against the luckiest team in the NFL this season. Who the hell knows what can happen. I'll take the home team. No screw that, I'll take Atlanta. I forgot about Ray Lewis making shit up about racism and then being on the cover of SI as "God's Linebacker." Everyone except Ray and SI knows that he'll be burning in hell for eternity. I hate him more than any player in the NFL.

St. Louis at Carolina (-6.5)
Kilcs: Carolina. See Steve Smith. See previous Carolina picks. (there is a little bit of a contradiction here for me cause Steven Jackson is one of my horses too and I think that CArolina actually makes more sense, playing at home, no Orlando Pace, etc and my new reverse theory says I should take the Rams, but #1 rule is still Steve Smith)
Mr. Em: Panthers. Why did the Rams change their colors after they won the Super Bowl. First off, those yellow Ram horns were flippin sweet, second, you just don't do that after you win the title (and don't even come at me with the Arch excuse). It's no coincidence: the Penguins won Stanley Cups, and then changed to girly gold, and look what happened.
Zero: St. Louis.
Point 23: Carolina. Once again, this is purely to spite Simmons (who has been absolutely on fire lately. With the exception of that rambling Doc Rivers column, his last two months have been phenomenal. This is awesome.)

Buffalo at Houston (-2.5)
Kilcs: Buffalo. It's hard to pick the opposite when you don't know what you would pick normally. I think that I talked myself into going with Houston because they're playing at home and because Buffalo blows. David Carr played well at the beginning of the season and the running game has shown some signs of life. I can't name one player on their defense besides Mario Williams though. Anyone know a lineback that plays for Houston? I think Phillip Buchanon might play DB?
Mr. Em: Texans. Lyla's from Texas! <33333333>
Zero
: Buffalo.
Point 23: Houston. I have never cared less about a game, ever.

New England (-6.0) at Green Bay
Kilcs: Green Bay. This is a classic, everybody is burying the Patriots, Brady and Belicheck which is apparently the worst thing anyone could ever do. "How many times have we said you can't write off the Patriots. This is why they are champions, blah blah blah." (Side note: Belichek or however u spell his name is a jerk. An absolute jerk. Mangini is supposed to be one of your proteges, you don't turn your back on him. Plato didn't turn his back on Aristotle nor Aristotle on Socrates or whichever way that goes or maybe they did. (How crazy is it that those 3 dudes, like the 3 smartest guys in a 2,000 yr span all hung out together)).
Mr. Em: Packers. There was a sale out at the mall, buy a Bill Bellicek sweatshirt and get 6 points, I bought it!!!!!!!
Zero: New England.
Point 23: Green Bay. I have no reasons here.

Washington at Tampa Bay (-3.0)
Kilcs: Washington. See Hous/Buffalo. I have no idea. Both these teams are done and you can stick a fork in both of them. They suck. No Portis, Jason Campbell getting the start on the road. Has to be tough right? Would think Tampa should be able to win, hence go with Washington.
Mr. Em: Two pitiful offenses here, so give me the under on this one, Bucs 2-0.
Zero: Washington.
Point 23: Washington. Jason Campell gets a little beginners luck. And you're telling me Tampa Bay couldn't find a QB better than Chris Simms and Brad Gradkowski? Not one single player? Chris Simms has sucked forever, why they hell were they going into the season with him? He'll never, ever, ever be good. Ever. And now they're stuck with his backup. For as smart as John Gruden allegedly is, he really screwed the pooch on this one.

Chicago ( -7.0) at NY Jets
Kilcs: Chicago. I'm kind of violating my rule here, but kind of not. The Jets have been playign a lot better than people expect, so people are now beginning to expect them to play well. Also, this pick has major fantasy implications as we here at Psychos camp, are hoping to make a historic playoff run led by Thomas Jones running all over the T-Birds. "Psychos T-Bone T-Birds" (hey that was kind of gay..you know that youtube clip with the announcer?)
Mr. Em: Bears. Two wins in two weeks at the Meadowlands for the Bears.
Zero: Chicago.
Point 23: Jets. Rex Grossman....stop your Michael Vick impersonation and either suck or be great. Enough of this in-between bullshit.

Minnesota at Miami (-3.5)
Kilcs: Minnesota. I've been rambling and I apologize. Miami is suddenly good again, Saban can coach again and they're "playing like one of the best teams in the league the past few weeks" ESPN people are so stupid sometimes. In the words of another stupid ESPNer, not so fast my friends.
Mr. Em: Dolphins. Low scoring, one touchdown might win this game.
Zero: Miami.
Point 23: Miami. Finally. I've been saying it all year - Minnesota sucks. Finally I have some proof. Minnesota sucks! (You can have that ! back later, Em.)

Detroit at Arizona (-2.5)
Kilcs: Detroit. Arizona has too much talent right? Detroit will be looking forward to their annual SuperBowl in November on Thursday. Larry Fitzgerald, welcome back. We've missed you. Unfortunately, Roy Williams goes down with a hammy in the first quarter after fumbling on a 1 yard hitch.
Mr. Em: Lions. Bring back Wayne Fontze!!! and give me the points!!!!!!!
Zero: Detroit.
Point 23: Arizona. What the hell happened to the Matt Leinart Bandwagon? Dennis Green is fucking it up, thats what. How 'bout this for a general rule: If your coach has one of the five worst post-game press conferences ever, he gets fired immediately. Michigan St. kept the legally insane John L. Smith around, where did that get them? Dennis Green shoulda been fired months ago, and there isn't a reason good enough to even defend him. This is why Arizona annually blows.

Seattle (-3.5) at San Francisco
Kilcs: San Francisco. Wait. Seattle just beat a good Rams team last week without Alexander the Great and Hasslebeck and they're only 3.5 pt favorites agsint SF with those 2? Easy money. Unfortunately for the Great, the Madden Curse does not end until the season is over. He comes back this week has 27 yards on 9 carries with a fumble and a reaggrivation of his foot injury.
Mr. Em: Seahawks. Mike Holmgren's belly will be too much for the 49ers to handle.
Zero: Seattle.
Point 23: Santa Clara. Why wouldn't I pick a team to cover a week after announcing it was leaving a city in which it had played forever and is going up agiant the reigning MVP in his long-awaited debut. And Frank Gore is the best active running back from The U. Also, can we stop calling it "The U"? They suck now, they don't deserve a nickname.

Indianapolis (-1.5) at Dallas
Kilcs: Dallas. Indy can't lose. They're too good. Nobody can beat them and 1.5 means all htey have to do to cover is win basically. Peyton Manning won't let them lose. Romo's playing out of his mind and will come back down to earth in his debut @ Texas Stadium. Julius Jones goes off and a befuddled Psychos coach says I hate the Jones brothers, they always screw you.
Mr. Em: Cowboys. Romo outduels Manning???? Yes!
Zero: Indianapolis.
Point 23: Indianapolis. Nick Buno-cunt-i is gonna be dissapointed this week. And for the rest of the season. Indy is goin undefeated and winning the Super Bowl. Frankly, Ol' Nick can't die fast enough for me.

San Diego at Denver (-3.5)
Kilcs: Denver. Denver has no offense to speak of. San Diego has scored 30 points in 6 of its 9 games and has the best RB in the league and one of the best QBs in the league. Their defense should be able to shut down Denver's offense and nobody can seem to shut down LT and company. Getting 3.5? Easy money.
Mr. Em: Broncos. Denver defends the run well, and LaDainian struggles against the Broncos.
Zero: San Diego.
Point 23: San Diego. Whale's vag. That's huge.

NY Giants at Jacksonville (-3.0)
Kilcs: Jacksonville. I think because the Giants are on TV a lot and they're in a major market, we have higher expectations for them. Everyone thinks that Eli is really good and he's just not playing well? What has he done to make us think this? Garrard and the Jax offense can't do anything and Fred Taylor's 43.
Mr. Em: Giants. Tiki torches the Jags.
Zero: New York. Ballin G-men.
Point 23: Jacksonville. Jax plays well on the big stage and it turns out Eli isn't that good yet. I was debating between drafting him and Donovan McNabb for my fantasy team. Glad I took McNabb. Well, not that it really matters, since my team defended its title worse than the Steelers, but at least I had a silver lining for the first five weeks.

3 comments so far. Might as well add your own.:

Anonymous said...

As a current student who sleeps in Mr. Belcher's Intro to European History class...id just like to tell Kilcs that Socrates taught Platoand Plato taught Aristotle and Aristotle taught Alexander the Great, too. Just thought I would just like to clear up the confusion.

Lily said...

What a good student you are.

kilcs said...

anonymous: thank you for the clarification. the sad thing is i took a college course on philsophy and defintely knew that at one point in my life. learn the material, don't just memorize it for a test. that's what any good teacher will tell you, right lily?

p.s. what a shame this site has become