Friday, October 27, 2006

Week Eight: The Picks

Houston at Tennessee (-3.0)
Houston. Little Davey Carr is growing up right in front of our eyes!

Mr. Em: Houston. If this game was played at Houston, the line would be reversed, which really goes to show you how much oddsmakers think of home field in the NFL. Carr will be looking for Andre Johnson all day long, and both will have a big day against a pass defense that, well, can't defend the pass.
Tennessee. I'm so sure of this game that I typed Tennessee, deleted it. Typed Houston deleted it. Typed Tennessee, deleted it. Then typed Tennessee again. I think Henry is and always has been a good back and he's making things a lot easier on Vince.
Zero: Tennessee.
Take me to another place, Take me to another land, Make me forget all that hurts me, Let me understand your plan.

Jacksonville at Philadelphia (-7.0)
Point23: Philly. Can everyone get the hell off Donovan's back, please? Seriously. Shut the hell up. I sound like an obsessive girlfriend, but I don't care. Everyone shut the hell up.
Mr. Em: Jacksonville. The Jags performance last week pushed this line up higher than it should be. Their defense isn't as dominant as prognosticators thought in the early weeks, but it's not as bad as how they played in Houston last week.
Jacksonville. They're definitely better than they played last week, right? And Philly did just lose to Tampa.
Zero: Illadelph. Donovan F. is gonna have a huuuge day.

Atlanta at Cincinnati (-4.5)
Point23: Atlanta. I give up, Ron Mexico. I have no idea if you are good or not. You got me. I quit.
Mr. Em: Cincinnati. Chad Johnson's literally turning into a Bengal - THAT is Crazy!
Cincy. I absolutely believe in Ocho-Cinco, and watching Cincy, they really are close to clicking, like everyone thought they were. Palmer is just missing throws to open receivers and 85's guaranteeing big things (
Ocho Cinco) and Thug Henry will be back and Atl's defense may be gashed.
Zero: Dirty Birds. I think that Stees win may have pushed them over the top.

Tampa Bay at NY Giants (-9.0)
Point23: Tampa Bay. Tiki is a quitter! Yea, Michael Irvin's right! Freakin quitter, you are Tiki.
Mr. Em: Tampa Bay. Two teams that rely heavily on defense and running the football. Tick tock goes the clock, I 'll take the points.
Giants. Giants are on quite the roll.
Zero: Giants. I never thought I would ever see Jay-Z and Dale Earnhardt Junyah in the same care. What is this world turning into.

San Francisco at Chicago (-16.5)
Point23: San Fran. Gimme a break, Vegas.
Mr. Em: Chicago. Bears are rested after their hibernation and will be out to prove the Cardinals game was a fluke. Buonoconti and the '72 Dolphins must wait another week.
Chicago. They haven't allowed more than 13 points at home in like two years i think. I don't think they let up more than 10 and I think Rex brings Sexy back.
Zero: Bears. I'm making this pick just so my confidence in SexyBack8 is up for this week.

Arizona at Green Bay (-3.5)
Point23: Arizona. Last week was a fluke. Leinart will scorch that Ahmad Carroll-less Pack secondary.
Mr. Em: Arizona. I'm glad I don't live in the Arizona or Green Bay area, I don't know what I'd do if this was the regional TV game I had to watch.
Green Bay. They're one of the better bad teams, I think.
Zero: Emerald Bay. They'll show up. Edge's head is somewhere in the north pacific I think.

Seattle at Kansas City (-6.5)
Point23: Kansas City. If San Diego can't win in KC, then I don't think the Seattle JV team is gonna be able to pull it off either.
Mr. Em: Kansas City. Seattle has had problems running the ball all season, now they're not going to be able to run or throw.
Kansas City. Who would have predicted this line a month ago, but this is about right whne Seattle's playing with Mercury Morris' illegitimate son @ RB and Seneca Wallace at QB. He played WR last year in the playoffs. And KC just beat San Diego, a legit good team with all their stars, 'roids and all. (With all that logic though, it seems like there's too many reasons to pick KC and they won't cover, but I'm picking them anyways.)
Zero: KC, and the sunshine band. Seneca who?

Baltimore at New Orleans (-2.0)
Point23: New Orleans. In the Dome? Only 2? Cripes, the Dome is worth at least a touchdown and a field goal. And maybe even a safety. Speaking of safeties, did anyone see Jeff Fisher last week when the Titans got a safety? I don't think he knows what the hand sign for safety is. He was making the "Big Vagina" sign from Curb Your Enthusiasm. It wasn't even close to the safety sign, and it was awesome.
Mr. Em: New Orleans. And who doesn't know the reason?
New Orleans. @ New Orleans. 'Nuff said.
Zero: NO. Baltimore couldn't get a first down against the Cash Money Millionaires Point23 says: as I read this, the CMM were playing in the background, and I hadn't heard them in years. That's creepy).

St. Louis at San Diego (-8.5)
Point23: San Diego. Merriman only has two games left before the NFL says "lights out." He'll play like it. Run for your life, Marc. And spell your name with a 'k,' too, you pompous ass.
Mr. Em: Saint Louis. 8.5 points + Rams offense = Cover.
St. Louis. Torry Holt continues his great season. Way better than Tiki so far. SD wins though.
Zero: Um, Chargers. I have a feeling there is gonna be a safety in this game. Shawne Merriman and his roided ass will be involved.

Pittsburgh (-9.0) at Oakland
Point23: Pittsburgh. Troy Palamalu will outscore the Raiders offense. Mark it down.
Mr. Em: Pittsburgh. A must win for the defending champs.
Pittsburgh. Batch/Roethlisberger/Anyone not named Tommy Maddox and Pittsburgh covers this, easily. Another must win game for a talented team against a garbage team.
Zero: Steel City. Large Benjamin or not, they still roll tide, roll.

NY Jets at Cleveland (-2.0)
Point23: Jets. That's crazy Cleveland is favored.
Mr. Em: Cleveland. This is the beginning of the Jets coming back to reality.
Jets. Cleveland's offense is anemic. Jets offense is not so anemic.
Zero: Ohio State. I mean the Jets.

Indianapolis at Denver (-3.0)
Point23: Indy. Denver was getting away with hiding Jake Plumer all year. He's gonna have to make some plays this week. in other words, Denver loses. Plus, Indy is so trendy this year.
Mr. Em: Denver. The Broncos have exactly what it takes to beat the Colts: a running game to control the clock (Indy is ranked 31st against the run) and a defense that can limit Peyton Manning.
Indy. Denver's real good this year, on defense at least. But every time these teams meet in the playoffs, the Colts win by 30. I think they should be able to not lose by more than 3. And obviously, Peyton isn't very easy to rattle, I think the Colts are still undefeated after this week.
Zero: Indy. Why is Denver favored? Payton Chessning still plays for them right?

Dallas at Carolina (-5.5)
Point23: Carolina. Tony Romo is hyper like Joey Harrington and releases the ball funnier than Philip Rivers.
Mr. Em: Carolina. I still don't understand why Parcells didn't try using Bledsoe out of the shotgun. The Panthers defense will take full advantage of an inexperienced Tony Romo.
Carolina. I'll pick them every week, they're real good against the number. Tony Romo, welcome to the NFL, courtesy of Julius Peppers. This game's a slam dunk! (Ha, get it Peppers, dunk?)
Zero: Carolina. Steve Smith, Steve Smith.

New England (-3.0) at Minnesota
Point23: New Englad. I hate Minnesota. They'll probably do something chintzy like get a safety with 23 seconds left to cover.
Mr. Em: Minnesota. The Vikings will run behind Hutchinson all night long. Should be a back and forth game with a ton of fantasy points scored by Taylor and Brady (yes!).
New England. It seems too easy? I think New England wins by two scores.
Zero: NE. Just so you know, I don't like seeing everyone elses picks and some week I'm going to F this document so hard that you will hate me. Just for a little though.

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