Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Trent Green Corollary

You know what I would do if I was the Texans and i was unsure if David Carr was my quarterback of the future? Or if I was the Raiders and wanted to improve Andrew Walters? Or if I was the Jaguars and needed to resolve the burgeoning quarterback debate between David Gerrard and Byron Leftwhich?

I would trade for Trent Green.

Once Trent Green is on your team, all your quarterback issues are solved. Just play Trent for a game. It doesn't even have to be a whole game. Just make sure you call as many risky pass plays as possible: Rollouts, naked boot legs, maybe throw in a few quarterback draws. The idea here is to get Trent seriously injured. Ideally, you want to knock him out for the season, but I think an extended period of time will work, too. To be safe, better get him injured for at least half the season - eight games.

Then just trot out whoever you had backing him up and presto! - you got yourself one of the top quarterbacks in the league. I really think this is fool proof.

Trent started his career in Washington. In his second season, he piloted the Skins to a 6-10 record and they obviously missed the playoffs. The following year, after his departure, Brad Johnson QB'd Washington and the Skins went 10-6 and made the second round of the playoffs while Johnson made the Pro Bowl. So far, one for one.

A few seasons later, when Trent got his knee shredded in St. Louis, his backup went on to win two MVP awards and a Super Bowl only a year or two removed from bagging groceries in Iowa. I believe you all are familiar with the Kurt Warner story.

But Trent was maybe even more impressive this season: after getting concussed on opening day, he opened the door for the unheralded Damon Huard to become one of the most productive signal callers in the NFL and have the Chiefs primed for a playoff run.

Look at that! Three for three. That really is remarkable; he's like a recyclable Wally Pipp. Judging by his track record, I'm penciling in the Chiefs for at least an appearance in the Divisional Playoffs, if not further.

This makes Herm Edwards decision painfully clear: if you want to go deep into the playoffs, stick with Trent's backup. If not, play Trent. The neat part is, Herm can't really screw this up. Well, maybe this season he can, but eventually Trent Green is going to leave Kansas City, either of his own volition or in an ambulance. It really doesn't matter; The Trent Green Corollary will hold up no matter what. The Chiefs are going to be great either now or in the very near future.

It's science.

And if you were Trent, wouldn't you tell teams this? He could make a million bucks a year for the rest of his life, bouncing from team to team, resurrecting franchise after franchise and crappy quarterback after crappy quarterback.

So why wouldn't the Texans do everything in their power to sign Trent? You got me. Hell, I'd trade for him right now. What if two teams took advantage of Trent in the same year? Could you imagine a Texans/Cheifs Super Bowl? I can.


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Tonight in the Association

Somehow, I am still barely above .500. I thought by now I'd be lucky to have double figure wins. Its crazy to me that in the NBA, where players and teams are notorious for just randomly taking nights off and playing poorly because its their third game in a row on the road or something, that I could still be above .500. Meanwhile, when I try to pick NFL game, where its assumed everyone plays as hard as they can every Sunday, that I am no where near .500. I give up.

Onto the picks...

Indiana at Washington (-5.0)
Indiana. This is from Gilbert Arenas' blog:

"Yeah, I played two of the rookies to get my confidence up. They got beat 7-3.
Andray Blatche and James Lang. One was guarding me out on the perimeter; one was
waiting for me to get into the lane. Two straight fouls is an automatic point,
but they didn’t actually get to that. I didn’t get any free points that way, I
was trying, but … I was going for everything; layups, jump shots, they couldn’t
do anything with me."

There is no way that is true. I refuse to believe that. Gilbert's good, but c'mon...if he's beating people 2-on-1, shouldn't the Pacers get to start six guys tonight? I enjoy Gilbert, but for some reason this seems like too much. Calm down, homie. No need to make shit up and make two rooks look like jackasses.

Philadelphia at Toronto (-3.5)
Toronto. Early season MVP for AI? Sure. But sooner or later, the wheels are coming off. Iverson really is amazing. How he's keeping this team competitive is beyond me.

Seattle at Orlando (-7.0)
Orlando. I really want to believe in Orlando. Just think if Orlando is competing for the division in a few months: we'll have Sports Center stories on Dwight Howard's quest
to get a crucifux embedded into the NBA logo. Does he still want to do this? Or was that just a high school pipe dream? And did anyone ask The Logo how he felt about this?

Charlotte at Boston (-5.5)
Charlotte. Has Boston won yet? Is all that young talent going to be good? I wish there was a die hard NBA fan with a national column who could enlighten me.

Utah at New Jersey (-3.5) Utah.
There is a lot of chatter about Utah winning the division and maybe even getting to the Finals. Um, can we calm down here for a second? They didn’t even make the playoffs last year. I realize that they barely missed the playoffs and it was a big disappointment and all, but the Finals? I think we are jumping the gun a wee bit. Yea, AK47 and Boozer are good, and Okur is good, too: a formidable front line.
Deron Williams is better, but did you see him at the end of that Pistons game? He turned it over like three times on one play; not exactly clutch. Add him to whoever the hell that start at two-guard – CJ Miles? Derek Fisher? – and that’s one shaky back court.

Isn’t the “new” NBA all about excellent guard play, penetrating and kicking to open shooters, getting out in transition, etc? They are so freaking slow; I have no idea how they are going to keep up with anyone? And they aren’t that great defensively; they are right in the middle of the pack. Plus, in crunch time, who do you feel comfortable giving the ball to and saying “make a play.” Anyone?
Listen, I think the Jazz are good, and can be a tough out on the playoffs. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, eh?

Houston at Milwaukee (-2.0)
Houston. Shouldn't the Rockets just be unreal? They have two, arguably three, completely unguardable players and the best glue guy in the league. But somehow they aren't consistant. There is no way that is either Yao or Battier's fault. None. Bonzi hasn't been there long enough to have changed the team's attitude. This is either T. Mac or Skip to My Lou's fault. Both have a history of really not caring. Maybe its both of them, I don't know.

Phoenix at San Antonio (-5.5)
Phoenix. Could Bruce Bowen be a bigger prick? Honestly, what an absolute asshole. Who does something like that. Look at the names on his hit list: Ray Allen, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter and now Steve Francis. How can anyone argue that he is not intentionally putting his foot under jump shooters feet? Its absolutely, unequivically delibrate. He needs fined and suspended. He is easily the biggest prick in the NBA. I'd take TO on my team before I took BB. I hope Shawn Marion cold cocks him.

And how can Stern continue to let this happen? Look at the names on that list again: you're telling me it is better for business to let Bruce Bown run around maiming people than it is to have those guys on the court? What happens when Bowens does it to, say, LeBron (who absolutely bitched him in San Antonio, by the way) or Dwyane Wade? It is only a matter of time, becuase the older he gets, the more "crafty" he is going to have to be. And this is about as crafty as it gets.

New York at Denver (-.10.5)
Denver. When you are struggling a bit and need to pick things up, is there anything better than seeing the Knicks on the schedule? At your place? Its like a B-12 shot; completely invigorating.

(Full disclosure: I've never had a B-12 shot, but apparently they are phenomenal. Can you get these whenever you want? Do they have to be presecribed? Are you high all day, or do you just have a ton of energy? If they are so great, why aren't people getting injected with their morning coffee? Anyone?)

LA Lakers (-5.0) at Portland
LA Lakers. Is Kobe really that hurt? Is he going to be scoring like 18 points all year? Because if so, that sucks. Why doesn't he take a month off, get 100% and then come back like gangbusters? Or is this one of those things that no matter how much he rests, it won't get better until he can take all summer off? I think he should take as much time as he needs: LA starts the season with 15 out of their first 20 games at home and Lamar, Andrew & Co. seem to be holding things down. Last year, when I wanted less Kobe, he was on TV more than TO. Now that I want to see the Mamba every night, he's playing at 75%. Figures.

And how about Tex Winter telling Phillip to sit Kobe - through an e-mail? For some reason, that's just really great to me. Tex couldn't just hop on the phone? I didn't even think someone that old could use a computer. I'm impressed on a few levels.

Dallas at LA Clippers (-3.0)
Clippers. The Mavs have to get one tonight, don't they? Well, maybe not. They are going without Josh Howard and they have the incredibly bad karma of raising a completely meaningless banner. Did they all get rings, too? I'm telling you: they are the NBA's version of the Seahawks. I'll give it three weeks before Dirk has a stress fracture in his left foot a month until Bonzi Wells rolls into Jason Terry's knee.

Detroit at Sacramento (-1.0)
Sacramento. The West Coast trip from hell keeps getting worse for the Pistons. Sweet.

Last night: 3-3-0. Season: 19-16-2.

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