Alright, here we go...LOST will have to wait...
Paulus splits a double team and hits a floater. Shoot me in the face. Quick dunk at the other end for B-Wright, though.
Zoubek travels again. He's starting to make Barbaro looked coordinated. And Barbaro is dead.
Sheyer wiith another three. Dickie V calls him the next JJ. I don't know who I hate more.
Reyshawn Terry is laying on the ground, A-Rod clone David McLure falls over him, and Terry picks up the foul. This game is just not going Carolina's way. They are just slamming their heads into the break wall to no avail. The frustration, at least to me, is palpable. Sometimes it just isn't your night (and if you think this is a reverse jinx...well, it is). Lawson gets a steal for a deuce. Kilcoyne might be on to something...50-40, Duke.
Open looks, offensive rebounds, hustle plays...this is driving me nuts. If I could punch John Scheyer in his Stonehenge-esque head, I think I would feel a lot better. Scheyer is killing Carolina right now, mainly because they refuse to guard him. Paulus, on the other hand, is easily playing his best ever at Duke. I'm gonna go crack my head off the coffee table.
They are talking ahout Dick Groat...apparently he lead the nation in assists and points one year, went on to play for the Pistons, was an All-Star short stop for the Pirates, cured cancer, wrote Seinfeld and invented the Internet. OK, I made up the part about the Internet. But the rest is all true. Look it up.
McRoberts picks up his third foul, leading to this from Vitale: "That's where they have to get the ball to Hansbrough, that's where he's so effective, I saw the best player in the country at Texas, Kevin Durant." It sounded worse, trust me.
Paulus is spazzing out. I choose to believe this will cost Duke in the long run. Rarely has spazzing out ever been an effective course of action. Scheyer misses another three, but it is wide open. Have I mentioned this yet? A Duke player getting a wide open look for no other reason than the kids in the cooler uniforms are leaving him wide open? Who the hell is guarding Scheyer? When he is standing there doing nothing, is he curious where Scheyer is, or does he not care? I think he does not care. If he was curious, he would have found him, like, once.
Goal-tending on Henderson on a Frasier fast break lay up. Carolina within 5. If they ever take the lead, its over. Duke cannot relinquish this lead. Well, they can...but they shouldn't.
Oh, do I hate McRoberts' facial expressions. He is the worst. The worst. Maybe if he ever accomplished anything, they would be a little more meaningful. He just missed two free throws to keep the lead at 5 and then picks up his fourth foul after he tackles Hansbrough under the rim. It's not good because he's out - really, he's not that good - but it's so good because no Zoubek has to play, and he doesn't know that you only get two steps. It's funny. Watch him, he really doesn't know.
Wes Miller for three! I love him! Miller and Frasier in the back court. This is the way to go, I think. At least those two will guard Scheyer and Paulus (I can't believe I wrote that...holy shit). 52-50, Duke.
McRoberts is embarrassing himself. His antics on the bench just cost him 5 spots in the Draft. He looked like a third-grader at the zoo who got his balloon popped. What a baby. Hansbrough ties it up with a baseline J but Paulus answers with another J! If Paulus could live any day over and over again for the rest of his life, he should pick this day.
Wright scores - he has 15? Scheyer with a wide open three. This is stupid. Seriously. Its so stupid how open he is all the time. They aren't even running plays for him. It's so stupid. 57-54, Duke. 7:35 left.
I can't do this anymore. Thoughts later. I'm going to watch the rest of this through my fingers.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Alright, here we go...LOST will have to wait...
Waiting for G'town/Louisville to end so we can get to UNC/Duke. Len Elmore and some other guy calling the game. Can they do the next game, too? Do we really need Vitale and Patrick trying to top eachother like Bird and 'Nique to see who can salivate the most over Duke?
I called it. Freakin' tools with Carolina sweatshirts on shaming the whole rivalry on the ESPN couch.
Wow, close up of Mike Patrick. For once, I'm grateful I don't have HDTV. He looks like Lord Voldemort right out of the cauldron. Or the underside of a rock.
Isn't Josh McRoberts tough? I mean, look at his scowl! Man, he is so hard. Easy there, Josh.
Doris Burke talking about Coach K letting his players sign center court. I hate Duke, but ya know...that was pretty cool. Don't tell anyone I said that.
Rayshawn Terry smacks the first shot of the game off the backboard. He can jump high. Were off to a good start.
Wow. Lawson just got called for a pushoff on Paulus, who then goes down and makes a three. I'm gonna rub my eyes real hard like a cartoon and pretend that never happened.
Cripes. Terry falls down and looks like Peter Griffin after the water slide down the living room stairs...elbows and knees at odd angles. Not good.
Gerald Henderson with a jumper. Did he go to HS with anyone from UNC? This might top the "Paulus got rectuited by ND to play QB" angle. And that little bastard scored again! And now Scheyer...for the love of Wojo, Duke is on fire. Mike Patrick tucks his first boner. Another wide open three. I am in hell. Oh my God, another one! No, it rimmed out...thank God. Mike Patrick might have climaxed. 15-6, Duke in the early going.
Another offensive foul on UNC. Cripes. There is no way Duke can sustain this. There just isn't. It's absurd. If I wasn't typing this as I was watching it, I wouldn't believe it.
Roy subs in Bobby Frasier for Lawson. Lawson will be alright (I hope). Ellington hit a tough J. And then another. If he gets it going, look out.
I like when other announcers call Vitale by his name. I like to think they are secretly insulting him. "You know, I couldn't agree more, Dick."
Lawson's back; slashes through the lane for two and the lead is down to five. Told ya this couldn't last forever. McRoberts answers - Vitale says he should be scoring twenty; Patrick immediately bails him out saying that he doesn' score because he's so unselfish. Please. He just isn't that good, plain and simple. If you can't be good at Duke, you just aren't.
Duke puts three guys on Hansbrough and Lawson still throws it to him. C'mon Ty...someone is open.
What I miss? My dog just tricked me into getting hear a treat when I thought she had to go outside. Smart puppy. 21-12, Duke.
A scrum! A pile up! A melee! Gheorge Muresan's "little" brother and Terry get into it. Matt Dougherty just rushed out of the stands and tried to punch Wojo! Hey, Reyshawn's back! And I think that tall guy just said the fuck word! Aaaaand commercial.
I'll tell you what: Hansbrough is a better perimeter defender than people give him credit for. McRoberts just tried to take him off the dribble and Tyler walled him off - twice. Maybe he will be decent in the L. Game is getting frenetic now. Duke ends up scoring, but they've missed back to back lay ups and a three. This favors UNC in the long run. Duke just can't keep this up. 24-19, Duke. Make that 24-21 after Psycho T hammers one home.
Hey, they mention Dick Devenzio. I went to his camp a while ago..."The Point Guard College." It was a co-ed sleepover camp, but that wasn't in the brochure. I looked like Paulus staring down a full court press when I learned girls were sleeping over. And that little bastard scores again! Where does Duke get annoying white point guards? Are they rolling them off some assembly line, using Coach K's and a rat's DNA?
OK, maybe the most ridiculous technical foul I've seen outside of Skip Dry. Deon Thompson goes for a tip dunk, misses the ball, and then grabs the rim, all in one motion, like in NBA Jam when you would try to dunk but get stripped and your guy still goes through the motions. So stupid. Vitale and Patrick agree with the call. Of course they do. 28-21 Duke. Still.
Paulus with a heat check. Keep looking, Greg. That's more like it.
First pro-Carolina thing said by Mike Patrick: "Momentum looks to be swinging in Carolina's favor." This is followed by Reyshawn Terry promptly dribbling off his shin and out of bounds. He pulled a Kilcoyne! He reversed jinxed them! I don't think Kilcoyne will ever know how much I loathed his reverse jinxes. He had a solid five year run where it was automatic.
Wow. 10 straight shots of Duke co-eds. Um...they seem like very nice young ladies, very smart. Yea.
If Matt Dillon was seven feet tall and uglier, he'd be Zoubek. Zoubek takes nine steps and is finally called for a walk.
Can everyone just get the hell out of Ty Lawson's way please? No one can keep up with him. It isn't even close. Just get the hell out of the way!
Duke is shooting the friggin' lights out. This is excruciating. Duke is just getting open look after open look. Its unreal.
Is Brandan Wright playing this evening? Oh. There he is for a dunk. 'Bout time. 35-27, Duke. Carolina just looks totally lost. But Scheyer - who has like 15 right now on all wide open looks and hustle plays - is sucking wind running up court. 3:30 left. Whoever closes out this half the best will win this game. These are three really important minutes.
Paulus drives and is fouled...I can't take this. He can't play against Kent St. or Virginia Tech; all of the sudden he's Bobby Hurley reincarnated. I can't do this. I can't.
Oh God. Quentin Thomas is in. I am so scared right now. Petrified. Oh - he found Terry for a three! There's a saying about blind squirrels and nuts that applies here. But seriously, get him out of the game. Now.
Ellington drives and is contacted by two players, no whistle; Paulus drives and get a call. It is definitely a pro-Duke whistle right now. But we knew that going in.
Ginyard with a floater with 15 seconds left; that'll be the last points of the half. Duke up 5 at the break, 39-34. Duke is playing wonderfully, I'll give them that, but UNC is letting them. A plethora of open looks, bad shots on offense, careless with the ball. If it is any consolation, UNC couldn't have played any dumber and they are only down 5. I guess that's a good thing.
I can't watch the second half, I don't think. It's almost 10, I'm just going to watch LOST. Wake me up when it''s over.
Carolina-Duke tips off tonight for the first time this season. Who knows who will win - something ridiculous always happens when these two get together - but some things are bound to happen. What things, and how often? Let's bet on it, shall we?
Number of times Josh McRoberts makes the winy, pseudo-pissed off face after missing a layup: 4.5
Number of times Josh McRoberts makes the winy, pseudo-pissed off face for no good reason: 21
Number of times Tyler Hansbrough blinks: 3
Number of times Greg Paulus falls over trying to guard Tywon Lawson: 5.5
Number of broken ankles for Greg Paulus: 1.5
Number of times any Duke player slaps the floor: 73
Number of times Wojo slaps the floor: 4.5 (Take the over. He can't help himself.)
Number of times Dick Vitale mentions someone who has absolutely nothing to do with either North Carolina or Duke: 156.
Number of Coach K foot stomps combined while angrily snarling and mouthing what appears to be "vacuum": 113.5
Number of times Mike Patrick has to employ the boner tuck: 1.5
Number of times either announcer refers to this game as "what college basketball is all about.": 92.5
Number of times Duke is described as "undermanned" and/or "gritty": 45
Number of times Roy Williams will crouch down onto his knees and execute a flawless thousand yard stare: 7.5
Number of times Dick Vitale makes an excuse for Coack K's inability to bring home a gold medal: 1.5
Crowd shots off the Cameron Crazies jumping up and down with at least five of them looking around like confused sheep, asking the Crazie next to them, "Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Still? Do we ever do anything else? No? Oh, OK...just checking.": 5.5
That Vitale and Patrick will storm the court if Duke pulls off the upset: 10:1
That Chris Collins will look like he wants to hang himself after Greg Paulus throws the ball directly to him: 12:1
That Roy Williams benches his entire starting five at some point in the game: 8:1
That Roy Williams wears that awful Carolina blue suit, because hey, everyone else is doing it, so why not?: 2:1
That Coach K wears a Duke blue suit: 500:1
That Psycho T actually punches some one in the face: 25:1
That that person is Greg McClure: 26:1
That there is a picture shown of Brandan Wright, Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington goofing around. Then, when the camera returns to the court, they show Alex Stephenson staring off into outer space: 5:2
That Rayshawn Terry has one completely vicious dunk: 4:1
That Carolina runs out in the sweetest warmups ever: Not accepting bets. This is a lock.
That ESPN shows two people sitting on a red couch - one a Carolina fan, the other a Duke fan - and that the Carolina fan is a total jackass and makes the Duke person look awesome by comparison, causing me to whip the remote at my TV screen, only to hear Dick Vitale say, "That's why I love this rivalry, baby!": 1:1.
Right now, Bodog.com has Carolina giving 4.5. That doesn't seem quite high enough, does it? Carolina is clearly the better team, but Duke is at home and no one has any idea what happens in these kinds of games and Carolina is banking heavily on three freshman who have never played in this type of environment. Still, Greg Paulus will be guarding Tywon Lawson. Too bad they can't just play full court one-on-one. I'll take Carolina to cover.