Monday, July 02, 2007

The Only NBA Draft Review That is Four Days Late and Doesn't Mention Either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant. Perfect.

Well, I'm a few days late to the party, but let's talk a little bit about the NBA Draft, anyways. Hey, July just started. What do you want to talk about? Baseball? (Just kiddin', baseball; we'll get around to you sooner or later.)

t things first: the three big trades.

Zach Randolph is a New York Knickerbocker. Say what you want about Isiah (like, for instance, that he can pinch your ass so hard that he will send you airborn, which is 100% true, by the way), but at least the man is consistent. I remember reading somewhere that Isiah's only thought process during a trade is, "Did I get the best player?" He certainly maintained that theme, If Eddie Curry was left-handed and didn't have a shaky ticker and liked strippers more, he'd be Zack Randolph, no? Isn't this the same as bringing in Stevie Franchise with Starbury already on the roster? Too bad they had to move Franchise in the deal; those four coulda filmed some Double Mint commercials for the Jumbotron or something. I have a sneaking suspicion that things absolutely explode in NY this year.

Jeff Green is Traded From One Green Team to Another Green Team. Hey, Brewer didn't go to Milwaukee; I need to get a lame pun in somewhere. I don't get why the Celtics just don't trade Paul Pierce. They aren't winning shit with Pierce & Allen, so what's the point? Why trade out of this draft, of all drafts? This trade does make both the Celtics and the Sonics about a hundred more times more interesting to watch next year, though, so that's something.

Also: the Celtics tanked for Ray Allen.

Brandan Wright taunts MJ; MJ immediately ships his ass to Golden St. I don't know which franchise won here - Golden St. loses a crucial part of the magical run to the second round last year, but gains the perfect big man for their style; Charlotte has a dude that they know they can get points out of every night, but they are paying a shit load for it - but I do know which player won: Brandan Wright. He gets to run around, guard no one and shoot lefty hooks in 80 degree weather instead of playing for UNC II.

Here's the big question: Why the hell does MJ even want to be a GM? Wouldn't he rather spend his time golfing, smoking cigars and grinding on his son's friends? I just don't get why a guy who has every conceivable luxury at his fingertips would spend his time trying to understand the salary cap and putting together a draft board, especially when he's terri
ble at it. If he likes the NBA that much, why not just crash "Inside the NBA" for weeks at a time? Him and Charles would be money.

Some other loose ends...

--Do you think Jerry Krause was sitting back at the office, getting phone calls after every pick, sweating it out every time the phone rang (not because he was nervous, just because I bet he sweats a lot) and then being thrilled his man fell to No. 9? Then he flicks on ESPN just to see him shake hands with The Commish and is greeted by this:

How fast do you think he wanted to throw up? Instantly? Has any team ever had a faster case of buyer's remorse? I mean, good God, just look at Noah there. He seems like the kind of guy who does shit he thinks is hilarious but is willfully ignorant to the fact that everyone is laughing at him and not with him. Like, all the time. What a jackass. How fast til Stern has him killed?

All that aside...what is the point of that pick from Chicago? They needed another limited who can't score on that ro
ster? They drafted him so they could trade a guy they just signed last year? Which Paxson is running the Bulls again?

--When Jay Bilas was talking about Big Baby's weight problem, he said he was, and I'm paraphrasing here, a "weight loser, but had trouble keeping it off. He's much like Oprah in that regard." How long do you think he was waiting to say that? He had to be positively
agonizing while watching him drop to the second round. It was pretty funny, though - not nearly as funny as Mike Tirico made it out to be; seriously, Mike, calm down - but it was funny. Good one, Duke Boy.

--I am glad that Rod Thorn wasn't deterred by Sean Williams' minor indiscretion of getting kicked off his college team (to be honest, if I had to play with Jared Dudley, I would have been hittin' the pipe pretty hard, too). So, Rod, why exactly did you take Mr. Williams? "He's a player who had over 1200 on his college boards, so he's a guy who has a brain." Apparently, that's all it takes to get drafted by the Nets.

-- I love how Yi Jianlian is pulling a Steve Francis here, but since he isn't actually Steve Francis, no one is really making that big of a deal out of it. Yi is being a complete prima donna here and he actually has an entire government backing him up. Imagine if the US Senate was all for Steve Francis getting the hell out of Vancouver back in the day? Seriously, this tops all prima donna behavior before it - this is more extreme than Bryant or Elway or Drew. No one else has an entire government backing them.

And they don't even have a good reason, like, I don't know, he wants more playing time or he wants more money. He thinks he can't get marketed properly! How is this not prima donna material? Yi is the poster child with everything that is wrong with professional sports today.

-- The Blazers and the Suns seem to have different draft strategies, don't they? The Blazers will draft freaking anybody, they'll trade for your picks, they'll buy it off you...seriously, do you have a pick? The Blazers want it.

The Suns, on the other hand, hate the draft. Hey, Stern, if you're reading this, don't even give PHX a pick next year because they want nothing to do with it. They've sold a pick now four years running. So they are firmly entrenched in "win now" mode, right? So why the hell don't they trade for KG? All this three-way crap...why not cut to the chase and swap KG for Amare, straight up, win the next two titles, and then go back to actually drafting people, like everyone else?

Ballhype: hype it up!

Read the Rest After the Jump...