Friday, April 07, 2006

Qabster: The Debut

We attend a small college where the social scene is, shall we say, less than desirable. House/dorm parties are the standard. A little while ago, one room in particular became more popular than it should have been, and it was quickly dubbed "QABster" by a smart-ass friend of ours. QAB was short for Questionable at Best. We knew going in it was at best, questionable and at worst, very, very bad. For some reason though - lack of options? Yes. - we continued to make this decision which we knew was probably not going to work out.

Well, in that spirit, we are going to start a little thing (gimmick, feature, running trend - you pick, we really don't care) called qabster. It seems to us that every so often, a decision is made that raises a few eyebrows (more than a few if you are running an NBA franchise in the New York City area). No one can really figure out the logic behind the move, but its made anyways.

To get the ball rolling, we submit the Patriots decision to sign Martin Gramatica. Now, to be fair, the Pats have made a handful of moves over the years that at first glance were questionable, but turned out to be for the best. Still...there is no way this works. None.

Replacing the greatest clutch kicker of all time with one of the Gramatica brothers? Let's just replace Fruity Pebbles with Corn Flakes or March Madness with 8th grade girl's basketball. Yea, I guess they are similar...but not really.

Here's how we're going to work things around here. Since the decision in its best-case scenario is questionable, that means it's worst-case scenario is just devastating. Let's walk through a season under both assumptions.

QAB: Gramatica hits 2-3 on Opening Day; luckily no late-game heroics are needed when Brady leads come from behind victory by himself.
Worst: Game tied at 21 on Opening Day. Gramatica shanks 38-yarder for the win. Pat Fan grumbles about the days of Vinatieri.

QAB: Midway through the season, Gramatica is hitting 80% of his kicks. Pats don't need him for any close games. Pat Fan still weary.
Worst: Hits meaningless first-quarter FG in Week 8, celebrates like brother Bill. Tears MCL, ACL and PCL. Out 'til playoffs; Bill jealous of celebration.

QAB: Hits first field goal against Colts in playoffs, celebrates like Bill, retears ACL, cements status as biggest jackass in family. No small feat.
Worst: Vinatieri drills kick in playoffs to put Colts up 2 with 1:00 to go. Brady drives Pats to within FG range. You know the rest. Pat Fan hangs himself.

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