Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Batman is a jackass

The Pirates got shallacked by the Dodgers, 8-3, on Monday and then had to suffer through something even more degrading. Michael Keaton, who the Pirates invited to throw out the first pitch, ripped the team for not spending enough money to be competitive.

Now, there are several things to take away from this. We are all for free speech...but was Batman's timing really the best here? Do you really need to rip the team that invited you to throw out their first pitch at their stadium? It's a pretty nice gesture, we think, to be invited. The least you could do is maybe show a little support...you know, at least pretend.

It raises the question, Does Batman do this in all walks of life? When a friend invites him over, does he rip him, too? "Hey pal...nice to see you...you know, your whole interior design scheme sucks...you need to do something here. And that dinner your wife just cooked? I'd rather lick the floor. I'm going to throw up just so that shit isn't in my stomach any more. Oh, and just talking out loud here...your kids are so damn ugly, they make Lorenzo Mata look like a Calvin Klein model. I'd shoot 'em, but I don't want to waste the bullets...now where is your dog, I want to kick that little bastard one more time before I leave."

Amazingly, though, Batman just didn't rip them. He compared them to the Clippers. The definition of ineptitude. And we quote:

"For my money, that's disrespectful. At some point, you either have to write the check or do something and not assume, well, we're OK and, ultimately, the franchise is valuable, anyway, like Donald Sterling did with the Los Angeles Clippers."
We don't even know who should be offended here. Was he insulting the Clippers there? Was he praising them? (Does it even matter? It's Batman!) The Clippers are having a bit of a renaissance this season, so was this a good thing? Ah, Batman...so many questions, so few answers.

Two other things to note here:

1) Batman showed up to the game wearing a Hines Ward hat. Man, the Pirates had to be pissed. When he goes on dates, does he say things like "You know, you're nice, but your sister is smoking. What's she doing tonight?"

2) When he actually stopped talking and threw out the first pitch, it was so wide of the catcher, it rolled all the way to the back stop. Warrants mentioning, we think.

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