Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Carolina/Duke: Might as Well Bet On It

Carolina-Duke tips off tonight for the first time this season. Who knows who will win - something ridiculous always happens when these two get together - but some things are bound to happen. What things, and how often? Let's bet on it, shall we?

Number of times Josh McRoberts makes the winy, pseudo-pissed off face after missing a layup: 4.5

Number of times Josh McRoberts makes the winy, pseudo-pissed off face for no good reason: 21

Number of times Tyler Hansbrough blinks: 3

Number of times Greg Paulus falls over trying to guard Tywon Lawson: 5.5

Number of broken ankles for Greg Paulus: 1.5

Number of times any Duke player slaps the floor: 73

Number of times Wojo slaps the floor: 4.5 (Take the over. He can't help himself.)

Number of times Dick Vitale mentions someone who has absolutely nothing to do with either North Carolina or Duke: 156.

Number of Coach K foot stomps combined while angrily snarling and mouthing what appears to be "vacuum": 113.5

Number of times Mike Patrick has to employ the boner tuck: 1.5

Number of times either announcer refers to this game as "what college basketball is all about.": 92.5

Number of times Duke is described as "undermanned" and/or "gritty": 45

Number of times Roy Williams will crouch down onto his knees and execute a flawless thousand yard stare: 7.5

Number of times Dick Vitale makes an excuse for Coack K's inability to bring home a gold medal: 1.5

Crowd shots off the Cameron Crazies jumping up and down with at least five of them looking around like confused sheep, asking the Crazie next to them, "Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Still? Do we ever do anything else? No? Oh, OK...just checking.": 5.5


That Vitale and Patrick will storm the court if Duke pulls off the upset: 10:1

That Chris Collins will look like he wants to hang himself after Greg Paulus throws the ball directly to him: 12:1

That Roy Williams benches his entire starting five at some point in the game: 8:1

That Roy Williams wears that awful Carolina blue suit, because hey, everyone else is doing it, so why not?: 2:1

That Coach K wears a Duke blue suit: 500:1

That Psycho T actually punches some one in the face: 25:1

That that person is Greg McClure: 26:1

That there is a picture shown of Brandan Wright, Ty Lawson and Wayne Ellington goofing around. Then, when the camera returns to the court, they show Alex Stephenson staring off into outer space: 5:2

That Rayshawn Terry has one completely vicious dunk: 4:1

That Carolina runs out in the sweetest warmups ever: Not accepting bets. This is a lock.

That ESPN shows two people sitting on a red couch - one a Carolina fan, the other a Duke fan - and that the Carolina fan is a total jackass and makes the Duke person look awesome by comparison, causing me to whip the remote at my TV screen, only to hear Dick Vitale say, "That's why I love this rivalry, baby!": 1:1.

The Line...

Right now, has Carolina giving 4.5. That doesn't seem quite high enough, does it? Carolina is clearly the better team, but Duke is at home and no one has any idea what happens in these kinds of games and Carolina is banking heavily on three freshman who have never played in this type of environment. Still, Greg Paulus will be guarding Tywon Lawson. Too bad they can't just play full court one-on-one. I'll take Carolina to cover.

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