Patriots get Randy Moss for a Ham Sammich.

I am incredulous - incredulous! - that anyone at all is even questioning the Pats decision to acquire Randy Moss. Here is all that any talking head should be saying:

"The best team in football just acquired possibly the most dangerous weapon in the entire sport for no risk at all. NONE. They have a very real shot at helping push Nick Buoniconti into an early grave by not losing a single game all year. Anything less than a blowout Super Bowl win will be seen as a colossal failure. This is one of the great acquirements of all time, let alone in the cap era. Bravo, New England. Bravo."

(What do you think JaMarcus Russell is thinking right now? Probably something close to "Oh shit. No, really: Oh shit." And do the Raiders have the worst receivers in the league? They are stuck with a man who actively tried to submarine his franchise's entire season, the worst North Carolina point guard I have been alive for and then traded for the definitive face of the biggest WR-corps bust of all-time in Mike Williams. All behind one of the most porous o-lines in the National Football League. JaMarcus is jealous of Brady Quinn. No joke. Good thing he can sling it 60 yards from his ass; it'll come in handy.)

There are two issues, I guess, people have taken exception with: 1) He is a team cancer who causes teams to lose and destroys locker rooms and/or 2) He has lost a step and is not nearly the weapon he used to be.

Now.

Let's deal with the second part first. Has he lost a step? I mean, maybe, this will be his 10th year in the NFL. But Keyshawn Johnson told me he ran a 4.29 forty the other day, and Keyshawn has never lied to me before. 4.29? Are you kidding me? I don't know what he was running a decade ago, but it can't have been much faster, tenths of seconds at the most. The dude can still run like a gazelle on 'roids. And it's not like he will go down as the greatest route runner of all time; he relied on his speed. And the man still has it.

Plus, he hasn't done shit the last two years. Nada. You know what Randy has been dong for the last two years, besides working at his juice stand? I'll tell you:


Let's just say the man is well rested. He'll be good to go.

Onto the more serious concern: The team cancer thing, which, at least to me, is ridiculous.

From all accounts, Moss has become increasingly concerned about his legacy, and to him, the only way to ensure a proper legacy in the NFL is to win a title. (Hey, smart guy.) He could have gone to different teams, but he took less money and would only go to the Patriots. This seems to me like he is taking this thing rather serious, yes?

He is going into this thing dying to make it work. And whatever problems he has been attached to in the past are directly tied to his team not winning. (Well, except for nearly running over that traffic cop. But she had it coming!*)

He just seems to react poorly to losing. Not much chance of that happening in New England.

Plus, he knows that if he does something dumb, he's gone. The Patriots don't screw around with that shit. They have already upgraded their WR unit; they don't really need him. He knows this, too.

I remember reading Education of a Coach, the late David Halberstam's great book on Bill Belichik, and reading about The Genius when he was an assistant under Parcells. He decided then and there that no player was worth the trouble the Lawrence Taylor was to those Giants, even at the cost of winning a Super Bowl. If Moss acts up, he's toast, and Moss s very, very aware of this.

He'll behave. Please believe.

Look, the upside is through the roof, which no downside what to speak of. They paired the best quarterback in football with the best receiver. Yes, the best. How many times has the ever happened in the history of football? Like, once? Montana and Rice seemed to do OK.

Brady made Reche Caldwell and Jabar Gaffney look like freakin' Pro Bowlers. What do you think he'll do with Moss? Put it this way: if the over/under on Randy's season stats was 1300 yards and 15 TDs, would you feel more comfortable with the over or under?

The real questions here are: 1) Do the Patriots have a chance to go undefeated considering their ridiculous off-season? and 2) Who has a better WR corps: the Patriots or the Colts?

The Patriots are the prohibitive favorites to win the Super Bowl, Nick Buoniconti has put his order of champagne from Sam's Club on hold and no fantasy draft will last one round without Brady and Moss being snatched off the board.

Bravo, New England, Bravo.

*I'm kidding. I have no idea what happened there. Indefensible, really. Point 23 in no way condones or promotes the vehicular abuse of officers of the law. Really.