The First Round in Review. Or, Another Blogger Bashes the Ted Ginn Jr. Pick.

Round 1 was unbearably long...so let's make it last a little bit longer:

1 Oakland QB Russell, JaMarcus
I get it, but who on Planet Earth is he going to throw to? The biggest team cancer not named TO? A point guard? The face of failure in Detroit? And who is going to block for him? If I am JaMarcus, I am very excited to be here, very rich and very open to clip board duty for a while.

2 Detroit WR Johnson, Calvin
I know it is the right pick - hey, they got the best player in the draft - but I love that they had to take a WR. Mike Furrey feels totally disrespected, though. He may turn into a locker room cancer. Damn prima donna wide receivers.

3 Cleveland OT Thomas, Joe
I love how the Browns drafted the one guy who wanted absolutely nothing to do with all the hype and overexposure of the NFL Draft and then followed that up by drafting the day's - year's? - biggest media whore. Bet they get along swimmingly.

4 Tampa Bay DE Adams, Gaines
Um, good pick. Yea. But you do remember your quarterback situation last year, right? If your DE position was a bigger disaster than that, well...I will see you in this same spot next year.

5 Arizona OT Brown, Levi
I don't care if it was a reach, they HAD to draft a lineman. That o-line was atrocious, horrendous, god awful. They were forced into a corner. Drafting at any other position was negligent and irresponsible. Peterson might be a better player, but he would have reboken that collar bone every other game running behind that line.

6 Washington FS Landry, LaRon
What the hell? The future wasn't sacrificed for an aging super star? Didn't they see Bruce Smith announce that one pick? He's available!

7 Minnesota RB Peterson, Adrian
Have fun with Tavarus Jackson or whatever the hell his name is. We might see the first ever "11 men in the box" defense next year...and it'll work.

8 Atlanta (from Houston) DE Anderson, Jamaal
This is weird...is he going to do the Dirty Bird, too?

9 Miami WR Ginn Jr., Ted
Alright, we get it. They blew it. I just like how Cam Cameron defended the pick: "Hey, I have known the Ginn family for a long time, he's a great kid and will be a great punt returner." I love how the Dolphins only draft friends of the Cameron family now.

And this notion that John Beck comes in with less pressure now. Are you kidding me? He will forever be compared to Brady Quinn. Any success Quinn has will only serve to heighten Beck's screw ups. Miami just better pray Quinn blows.

10 Houston (from Atlanta) DT Okoye, Amobi
Something special is brewing on that Houston defensive line. I can feel it. I think the Colts are quite frightened as well.

11 San Francisco ILB Willis, Patrick
Yes. Just yes. The best LB on the board? Yes. I could watch the highlight of him planting that dude from LSU over and over and over...

12 Buffalo RB Lynch, Marshawn
Good thing Buffalo traded that running back with character issues away. Wouldn't want a high-priced possible head case in the backfield, now would we?

13 St. Louis DE Carriker, Adam
I dunno. I have nothing.

14 N.Y. Jets (from Carolina) CB Revis, Darrelle
Darrelle, Randy. Randy, Darrelle. You two have fun now.

15 Pittsburgh OLB Timmons, Lawrence
Filled a need. Terrific. Pittsburgh has the most boring drafts ever. They're good at it, but they are boring as shit. They are the Spurs of drafting. On a side note: have you seen Mike Tomlin's haircut? That thing is SHARP. His sideburns up to the side of his hair is just razor sharp; I have no idea how to get one's hair like that. I need to see it in HDTV. If he pays as much attention to detail as a head coach as he does to his haircut, the Steelers will be the most prepared team in the NFL, hands down.

16 Green Bay DT Harrell, Justin
"What about Brett! He needs some weapons! What kind of message does this send to the face of your franchise?!?!" Whoa, sorry, channeled Steve Young there for a second.

17 Denver (from Jacksonville) DE Moss, Jarvis
The Pats had a terrific off-season, but Denver isn't screwing around either. I see these two in the AFC Championship Game, and Denver can actually match up with the Pats' wide outs. They traded up to get Moss, so they must think he can help them now.

18 Cincinnati CB Hall, Leon
Would you be intimidated if the Bengals drafted you? I would imagine walking into the locker room that first day would be like the first day new inmates stroll into Shawshank. I got five cigarettes that Leon cries his first night. "You don't understand! I'm not supposed to be here!" "Fresh FISH! Fresh FISH! Fresh FISH!"

19 Tennessee FS Griffin, Michael
You know who is going to suck this year? The Titans. Madden Curse aside, there is just no way they repeat what they did next year. Just now way. Pacman made all kinds of plays for them - on defense and especially on special teams - and he is gone. Their offense sucks. Name one wide receiver on their roster. Go ahead, I got all kinds of time. And that Chris Brown/LenDale White backfield isn't scaring anyone. They'll be drafting in the top 5 next year.

20 N.Y. Giants CB Ross, Aaron
The Giants...just...I just can't make myself care. I don't care about them. Moving on.

21 Jacksonville (from Denver) FS Nelson, Reggie
You gotta feel good when you can trade back and still get the guy you want. Who's in charge of that in Jacksonville? Why not to screw that up.

22 Cleveland (from Dallas) QB Quinn, Brady
Did they give up too much? I don't think so. They basically just drafted their first round pick a year early. They get to get him in their system a year sooner, they get to pay him a lot freakin' less and their fan base absolutely adores them right now. Let's just hope he doesn't blow.

And all this nonsense about Brady disappearing into Goodell's Green Room somehow foreshadowing his career is ludicrous. You really think Brady had any choice in the matter? What Goodell says is law. The NFL didn't want all the attention focused on the guy NOT getting drafted when there was so much else to celebrate. It was a great move by the League. Brady handled himself flawlessly during the actual draft, even though he shamelessley promoted himself before it.

23 Kansas City WR Bowe, Dwayne
Bravo, KC. See a need, fill it. Who knows if he was the best WR prospect, but KC did the right thing. I am way too excited about that.

24 New England (from Seattle) FS Meriweather, Brandon
Hey, the gun fight was legal. Back off! And we all know that you don't come into the OB like that! Belichik does revel in a little bit of a degree of difficulty, though, doesn't he?

25 Carolina (from N.Y. Jets) OLB Beason, Jon
Keyshawn was phenomenal during the draft. I cannot wait until he retires so he can do this. He is infinitely better than Tiki Barber. There is no awkward pauses or ever saying to yourself, "yea..well...I know what he was trying to say." I can't say it enough. I am very, very excited for the Keyshawn Johnson era.

26 Dallas (from Philadelphia) DE Spencer, Anthony
Wonder how high that No. 1 will be next year. Does Mel have his 2008 mock draft up yet?

27 New Orleans WR Meachem, Robert
Screw offense. No seriously, we don't care. We are going to try to score every time we touch it. Think you can keep up? We shall see, we shall see...

28 San Francisco (from New England) OT Staley, Joe
Gave up next year's No. 1 to get him, but got one back...probably later in the draft, but still. Trading that No. 1 though means the Niners think they are winning this division. And you know what? That is exciting as all hell. Much like the Browns, the Niners had a plan and did what they had to do to execute it. You can't ask for more than that.

29 Baltimore G Grubbs, Ben
Um, some bullshit about opening up holes for the newly acquired Willis McGahee. They still can't pass for shit. Next.

30 San Diego WR Davis, Craig
Go read KC's pick.

31 Chicago TE Olsen, Greg
I had no idea he was in The Seventh Floor Crew! That is flooring. Him and Sexy are going to terrorize Chicago.

32 Indianapolis WR Gonzalez, Anthony
Ohio St. got two WRs in Round 1; USC got 0. Check back in three years to see how that works out. And while we are here: who has a better receiving corps: Harrison, Wayne, Gonzalez or Moss, Stallworth, Welker and Co.? It is debatable, isn't it?