...for no real reason. Just felt like doing it. Yep. Pretend national championship game coverage after the jump.
I am a few minutes late to this party (which is OK, because no one is reading this). Actually, perfect timing, Jamario O'Neal just returned the opening kick off not very far.
Todd Boekman's first pass attempt results in him flat on his back and missing his receiver by three yards and Chris Wells - this is the man they call "Beanie," no? - doesn't do much better on second down. Sweater Vest dials up a nice pass play on third down for the conversion.
Remember how Beanie Wells didn't do a damn thing on second down? Well, he just did the complete opposite of that for like 60-some yards. Well then. 7-0 Buckeyes with 13:34 left in the first. I wish I woulda had the guts to pick OSU. I knew this shit was gonna happen.
I don't know Les Miles' coaching strategy perfectly, but I am willing to say he is going to make one borderline crazy call - going for it on fourth and 12, faking a punt from his own end zone, something - and I wonder if it is going to come now....nope, LSU settles for the FG. 10-3, slow guys from the North.
Beanie Wells is gashing the LSU front seven. He is gonna get some more stickers on his helmet, I think. Did anyone from Ohio State ever fill up their whole helmet with stickers? I'm not making fun - I think it is a cool tradition, actually - but what happens if they fill the whole helmet up?
LSU muffs a punt at the 15! Huge pile of people, but somehow LSU retains possession. I hate when mad dudes just pile on forever and won't let the refs get to the bottom of the pile. If you have no shot at the ball, you should get a penalty for doing that. I hate that shit.
Early Ducet gains 6 yards on his third catch of the game to close out the first. Gotta like how it is going, Buckeye fans.
I just realized that little "Hype it Up!" button is in the wrong place. I don't know how to fix it. You may just have to live with it. I am sorry though.
Matt Flynn is opting to leave his mouthpiece lodged in the top of his facemask instead of inserting it into his mouth. I don't know why, but he is. His choice, I guess.
Tedd Ginn Jr on the sidelines rocking a flat-brimmed White Sox hat and Mardi Gras beads, barking furiously into some wide receiver's ear - Hartline? What could he possible be talking about? His experience here last year (come to think of it, he did do pretty well for himself)? Maybe tales from a 1-15 season? I don't think I'd let him on my sideline; he seems like bad luck.
Boy, LSU is really screwing the pooch to get things started here. A Charles Barkley-tuuuurrible snap from center leaves LSU with 4th and 24 from their own 5. Hartline runs the punt back to the 41.
Break up the Buckeyes! Boeckman hits a wiiiiiiiide open dude down to the 15 yard line. LSU looks completely baffled. This is why it is so great that college football's champion is decide on the field.
OSU will settle for a FG after Boeckman can't find anyone open on second or third down. 10-0, Buckeyes. Lotta time left though, LSU, lotta time.
Chris Myers is a shmuck. Unless they make him talk about this cheesy shit, then its cool. But if this is the stuff he comes up with on his own? Shmuck.
This doesn't really feel like a big game right now. Is that just me? I think its the announcers. Or FOX. Both suck.
Hester busts through the line for a 20 yard pick up, followed by Flynn hooking up with Early Ducet along the sideline for the second time tonight. LSU looks like they may have realized why there are so many people watching them this evening.
Nine-yard game out of the "pistol" formation for LSU. I am intimately with the pistol: I had a dynasty one time in NCAA in the WAC with my brothers and my little brother had to be Nevada and all they had was the pistol. We made fun of him mercilessly - seriously, the pistol sucked - until he whipped his controller across the room, punched me as hard as he could, told us all to shutup and stormed out of the room. Love the pistol.
I think Trindn Holiday just screwed up the play, becuase Flynn is yelling at him - really, say Trindon did stay in to block...buys you an extra, what? Half a second? It'd look like the commercial where Matt Hasslebeck's o-line gets picked up and chucked down field.
LSU is marching...the cameras catch a young lady from Louisisana in a purple and gold Snow White costume...surrounded by no one in a costume. Wonder if she just makes small talk with everyone like shes not dressed like a Disney character?
Tie game! Flynn finds his tight end wide open. This game is becoming very entertaining...too bad Fox hired that robot who jumps around before NFL games to announce this evening's contest.
Beanie Wells is a monster. He's a, he's a, he's a monster. What a freaking stiff arm. He basically just picked up a LSU d-back with one arm and threw him to the turf as he was running. Poor LSU dude looked like he'd been thrown from a truck on the freeway.
Ooooooooooooooooooh! Robiskie drops a touchdown pass - nice job by the corner to get his hand in there at the last second. This game is all about the big play. Craig Stetlz hurt his hand or something...we'll be back for the FG try when he's OK.
Blocked! Man, another big play. ESPN might actually be forced to show more than three highlights from this game before 17 experts tell me why they were wrong before the game.
I am not a fan of all this shameless promotion, but I really like "Jumper Cam."
I am not a fan of Charles Davis. At all.
Rarely do players actually look like waterbugs when announcers claim they do, but Trindon Holiday actually did look like a little bug right there. He skittered.
I take back what I said about big plays. OSU had needed the big play to score thier 10 points. LSU has more or less marched down the field. This bodes well for LSU, I think.
Touchdown, LSU. Flynn hits Brandon LaFell sprinting to the left corner. 17 straight for LSU. Ohio State has to have a sick feeling of deja vu right about now.
Charles Davis warns Ohio State not to let Glenn Dorsey become emotionally nor physically involved in this game. Control Dorsey's emotion, Ohio State. It is your only hope.
Ohio State's gameplan seems to be revealing itself: throw deep. LSU is catching on and picks off a Boeckman bomb and runs it back inside the 30. Two quick passes has LSU down to the 1. My favorite play from the 1? Back shoulder fade. It is 99% impossible to stop, surveys have shown.
LSU tries to run up the middle on first down and gets stuffed. Told ya. Same result on second down.
I really wish Charles Davis would shut up. No one cares what you would do with LSU's running back. Why don't you tell me why Les Miles is doing that with the running back? Thanks.
You know what All State? No one does care who the kicker is. Ever.
Hester punches it in and LSU is an extra point away from 24 unanswered points. I am pretty glad my not-to-be named former college roommates is an hour away; kind of a big OSU fan known for slamming dudes into walls who mouth off about the Buckeyes. Nice guy, though. Really, he is.
Ohio State is busy not doing a thing on offense, so they punt to LSU, who is content to go into the locker room content to be on pace for a 48-20 blow out. Here's hoping Ohio State makes this fun. Back after the half.
We open the second half with Jim Tressel staring intently into his giant play card. The front says "Run" and the back says "Pass Deep." I'd stick with "run," Jim.
He is going to have to get the ball back first, though. Staying true to form, however, LSU is picking up chunks of yards on every snap, zapping the clock in the process. A score here sucks for everyone except LSU fans.
Trindon Holiday skittered again. (In Lil John voice): Awwww skit skit skit!
Another first down for LSU. Know what sucks about this? Les Miles isn't going to get to call an awesome play. During routes we all lose.
Trindon Holiday just got closed lined. It was like a water bug on a windshield.
Matt Flynn intentionally grounds the ball, leaving LSU with third and really long near midfield. They have a nice lead, could play it safe....I think this is where Les Miles makes his mark. Let us see. Well, Les burns a time out to think it over. This is gonna be good.
That did not live up to my lofty expectations. LSU looks like they were gonna go deep, but it was covered; Flynn throws it into the ground. Well, at least it gives the Buckeyes a chance to make it interesting.
Scratch that. OSU roughs the kicker. You know what? Kickers need a little roughing. And it isn't like he tried to lay the punter out, he just missed the ball. What a dumb penalty.
LSU busts out the Pistol again and Hester breaks off an 9-yard run. Somehow a screen on the following play works and LSU is down to the 4. Seems like whatever LSU tries, it works. Aaaaand Early Ducet is the lucky beneficiary of two lousy tackles and LSU is now up by three scores. Looks like a might make my bed time.
If Ohio State wants to make this game remotely interesting, it needs a touchdown on this possession. Beanie Wells is averaging like 12 yards a touch. Let's get him the ball.
Seems LSU is aware that Beanie was gonna be getting the ball. Time to flip the play card over.
Apparently, LSU is playing man-to-man on OSU's wide receivers and then using the extra defenders to annihilate the run. This means that we are going to have to listen to how the South is so, so much faster than the North for the next month. This sucks.
Here we go! Malcolm Jenkins picks off Flynn and nearly runs it back to the house. OSU has the ball at the 11. 3:44 to go in the third: this is 4-down territory.
Man, Jenkins stepped out by like a pinky toe. Will this do anything to stop people from saying how much faster LSU is? Nope, definitely not.
On third and 1, Wells gets stuffed for about a 4 yard loss. Looking at 4th and 5 after that disaster. Sweater Vest is not phased: Buckeyes will go for it.
Touchdown! Hell of a catch from Robiskie, diving parallel to the goal line to snag a must-have conversion.
Charles Davis, after a nice OSU stop: "You feel the momentum? It hasn't shifted." You just let me know when something happens, momentum-wise, Charles. I can handle the rest myself.
I got a Sven for Christmas this year.
3rd and 7 for LSU at thier own 33. Flynn can't find anyone open, so he runs and is tackled. Punt time...I think a safe assumption would be that OSU has the return on. Doesn't matter, though, cuz LSU's punter booms it through the end zone.
Back-to-back first downs for the Buckeyes: Hartline for the first, Beanie for the second. Make that three in a row as Boeckman finds Robiskie.
Big third down coming up for Ohio State. Boeckman wanted the quick slant, it wasn't there and Boeckman paid for it. They'll go for it on fourth down.
Talk about your all time back fires. Boeckman gets drilled by the entire defensive line as he tries to throw, fumbles and the ball winds up going 30 yards the wrong way. If Jim Tressel has an easy button, now would be the time to use it.
LSU pulls out the pistol to kill some clock. Tressel looks like he'd put a pistol of his own to good use.
OSU will get the ball at their own 20. This is their last shot.
4th and 1. Here's the ballgame. Wells moves the pile and picks up the first.
Boeckman ends it with a pick and OSU's title dream mercifully comes to an end. Congrats to LSU for losing twice this seasons and winning the national title. Goodnight.
Monday, January 07, 2008
...for no real reason. Just felt like doing it. Yep. Pretend national championship game coverage after the jump.