Thursday, June 28, 2007

The NBA Draft is Tonight: Honk Honk!

Some things I want to see during tonight's NBA Draft, aside from gaudy suits, mother's weeping uncontrollably, and guys who have posses with more members than the franchise that just drafted them...

I want to see Kevin Durant go No. 1 overall, for a few reasons:

First, I can't think of anyone covering the draft for ESPN - all 20 of 'em - who wouldn't have a complete and utter breakdown live on TV. It would be akin to airing the apocalypse live, I think. You could be watching the draft on mute, and Stephen A. Smith would still find a way to shatter your speakers. This, it goes without saying, is something I would be interested in viewing (while munching on some Cheese Doodles, of course).

Second, it's the right pick, I'm pretty sure. I just think Durant is the best player in the draft, regardless of position. (and Hollinger is backing me up. I have no friggin' idea how he arrived at his conclusion, but 870.7 is really, really high. That article deserves its own post because of how phenomenal and ground-breaking it is; I don't think it is a stretch to say it could revolutionize the way NBA teams go about drafting.) I know centers are inherently more valuable, but aren't you supposed to take the best player? If you are, that's Durant.

The thing that seals the deal: Do you ever, ever see Oden putting a team on his shoulders and winning a Finals game? Or even a playoff game? I just don't. On a good team, he is one hell of a piece...but I think, eventually, Durant can do what LeBron did and single-handedly win a game or a series by himself.

And besides, if he goes No. 1, he can finally get a nickname: "Honk Honk." Man, that sounds dumb as hell, but I just want to call him Honk Honk, if only for a week. Hey, it is better than KD.

And speaking of nicknames, can Mr. Oden just go by "Hermey" from now on? Please? Oden has said over and over again that he wants to be a dentist. I am familiar with no one that comes close to matching Greg's affinity for the art of oral hygiene. (And the fact that Greg has a more deep-seated desire to adjust the headgear of unfortunate teenagers than he does to dominate a basketball game seems to be a fairly strong indicator, at least to me, that Durant is the pick. But that's just me.)

So: Honk Honk No. 1, followed by Hermey at the two spot. Three-year olds everywhere rejoice.

I want to see the Hawks screw this up. The whole thing, the third pick and the 11th. I really don't know how they could do it - you could easily make solid cases for Horford or Conley at three, and 11 is pretty much gravy - there is going to be a good PG sitting there. I want them to take, like...Yi at 3 and then follow that up with Josh McRoberts at 11, just because they promised him they would for no good reason. I'd gladly give them a standing round of applause for that. (No matter who they take, though, they are going to look sweet. Or, at the very least, successful. Baby steps, ATL, baby steps.)

Just thinking: If you were Mike Conley, would you want
any part of Atlanta? At all? Not only are you going to be compared to Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Raymond Felton, hell, even Brandon Roy for the rest of your life, but you are going to be expected to resurrect a franchise that is the poster child for NBA contraction. If I am Mike Conley, I make it abundantly clear that I will be pulling a Stevie Franchise if the Hawks draft me.

I want Joakim Noah to either go to the Grizz at No. 4 - because, really, who cares - or to plummet like the NBA's version of Brady Quinn. My dream scenario is that he is the last guy in the green room, he makes a jackass of himself in the process (wearing an outfit that is particularly douche-bagish) and then is drafted by someone where he promptly fades into Bolivian...someone like Sacramento, a KG-less Minny or Memphis. I really, really just never want to hear from him again. Really, who hasn't had enough of Joakim Noah? The sooner he goes away, the better.

I'd like to see Brandan Wright end up on the Bobcats. Raymond Felton, Sean May
and B Wright? In North Carolina? With MJ calling the shots (kinda)? Good God, they could snag Reyshawn Terry in Round 2, draft Wayne Ellington next year, hire Dean Smith to coach them. Then, halfway through some game late in the season, they can ditch their Bobcats threads for their old Tar Heel jerseys, a la the Ducks ditching their Team USA sweaters in favor of the classic Duck look. I really believe this could work.

(Unreal: I unwittingly stumble across
another dentist: Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson. "Team USA's going down, that's where you're going!")

I want to see Stuart Scott interview Yi Jianlian. I want Yi to cut his interpreter off halfway through his response and ask Stu, in perfect English, "Why do you talk like that? Do you expect me to believe that is the way you talk around the house, with your wife or your kids? Everyone knows it is a big act and you are a complete phony. I don't even speak English and I can tell. It isn't funny or engaging; as a matter of fact, it is really grating and makes an already difficult interview that much harder. Now, if you have a legitimate question, just ask it like a normal person and I'd be happy to answer it, but if you insist on speaking to me like that, I have better things to do. Thank you."

I want Jared Dudley to end up on the Spurs. That'd be absolutely perfect.

I would like to see Coach Bill Fuller draft a girl and then demand that Sacramento change its court's dimensions to 10 feet by 15 feet.

I want to see who the Lakers draft. I am
dying to see who they draft. I'd love to see them draft a couple of projects. Maybe take Daquean Cook in the first round (Isiah: "Get me Kupcheck on the line!") and then follow that up with Aaron Gray. That would delight me to no end. Maybe we could get a video from Kobe that is a whole minute long!

I want to see someone use a second round pick on Jared Jordan. Or maybe no one takes him, and the Cavs sign him. Yea, I'd like that better.

Finally, I would like to see an absurd trade. Just ridiculous, like the Hawks giving up both picks, Amare in Atlanta, KG in PHX, Kobe in Chicago, Gordon and Deng in LA....something kinda like this.

Ballhype: hype it up!

2 comments so far. Might as well add your own.:

3bsaver said...

So Oden, wait Hermey went #1, I do enjoy watching him play, even though Honk Honk does play better. Can’t complain the #1 and #2 picks can’t go wrong there.

Noah who’s he, what somebody wants him on their NBA team are they crazy.. Maybe he’ll finally be with players that are bigger then him and will knock some sense into him, and he’ll stop thinking he’s better then everybody… We can only hope… well you didn’t get your wish he didn’t wait to last that would of made for enjoyable television watching…

It was nice seeing a new post.. It’s been awhile… and what’s the hype it for exactly???

Anonymous said...

moving and relocation