Monday, October 23, 2006

Joe Theisman is a Gold Fish.

I have the MNF game on right now. Tirico, Theisman and Kornheiser (that sounds like a deli) with the call. But you knew what.

Theisman is pissing me off to no end. He is completely exonerating Drew Bledsoe of any wrong doing. The reason the Cowboys can't pass, says Joey T, is because the offensive line can't block. Yea, the offensive line. It has nothing to do with Bledsoe being as "mobile as the actual Statue of Liberty" (thank you, Tony) or the fact that he hangs onto the ball like it's his only friend in the world.

The Giants are just teeing off on Bledsoe. He's getting the hell beat out of him. But Joe will not blame Bledsoe for any of it.

The offensive line, Joe? Seriously? You sure, buddy? Last week, you praised the Cardinals o-line over and over and over again. The same line that allowed Edge James to rush for the lowest total ever (ever! EVER!) in a single game. A professional offensive line should be able to get you 2.0 yards per pop, I don't care if you have Wilbon running the ball. There are no set of circumstances under which a running back averages 1.2 yards per pop and the o-line can be praised. None exist.

How can he blame Dallas' o-line for this? This is the same line that is paving the way for three straight Julius Jones 100 yard games. They have to be doing something right.

Thiesman goes so far out of his way to make excuses for quarterbacks that he loses all his credibility. I don't even think he genuinely believes some of the stuff he says. He knows damn well the reason the Cowboys can't pass is because the whole National Football League knows that Bledsoe can't move so they blitz the hell out of them.

Maybe Theisman is really a gold fish. You know how gold fish forget everything 10 seconds after it happens? I think that's Joe. No short term memory whatsoever.

(Full disclosure: ESPN now has Hank Williams in the booth. And Theisman stole his cowboy hat and is now wearing it and saying things like "howdy." Blow my head off. You want people to go check the fridge, ESPN? This is how you do it.)

Mormally, I don't mind Theisman. He's condescending as hell, sure, but he's at least knowledgable. If someone is going to suck, at least present me with with some info that I wasn't previously aware of, and then let me make my own decision. I think Theisman does that. If the price I have to pay for that is Joey T inserting his own dubious opinions, well...I can live with that. Certiainly, there are worse things.

And Kornheiser...well, he's been a little dissapointing, no? He was supposed to call Theisman out at every little instance, wasn't he? At least make it interesting. Through six weeks, he hasn't done that.

I think he's getting the hang of things though. I think he decided before the game to disagree with everything Theisman said, no matter what. Which is freaking great. If he keeps this up, ratings will go through the roof.

People don't tune in because of the announcers, but they certainly do tune ou because of them

Ha! The Cowboys just put in Tony Romo, and he throws a pick on his very first pass. Let's see you defend this one, Theisman.

3 comments so far. Might as well add your own.:

JD said...

Dear Timmy,
have you noticed that Theisman contradicts everything that Kornheiser says? and why do you think this is?

point23 said...

Probably because deep down they hate eachother and think the other one is a moron...which is probably true.

Kornheiser doesn't know what a false start is and Theisman doesn't know what momentum is. They are both morons, just different morons.

I wish they'd just call eachother out more. They should openly fight on air. That's my dream.

And stop calling me Timmy.

x.factor said...