WEEK TWO PICKS

I felt like making some picks. Maybe I'll keep this up for the season. Maybe I won't. Who knows. Anyways, here they are.

Buffalo at Miami (-6.5)
Culpepper's gonna have to show a little more than that, I think, before I'm hopping on that bandwagon. He didn't look very good last week, did he? Granted, he was playing against a ferocious Pittsburgh D, but still...he looked atrocious at the end of that game. On the flip side, Buffalo's defense looked tough and stingy (London Fletcher: tackling machine) against the Pats, picking Brady off a few times. Using the always reliable circular logic, that means Buffalo does some good.
The pick: Buffalo

Carolina (-1) at Minnesota
Screw week one. Carolina is good. Minny isn't.

Didn't Brad Johnson look just a little too excited to connect on that TD pass? And Troy Williamson...my word. Catch the ball, homie. BJ is the oldest QB in the league, and Carolina's D is going to expose that. (Huge points though to Johnson for naming his son Maximus. Think that kid might have a little pressure to live up to?)
The pick: Carolina

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-10)
I can't tell you how excited I am to watch Rudi Johnson run all over the Browns defense. Not because I like the Bengals or hate the Browns...but because Rudi is my No. 2 fantasy back. Rudi! Rudi! Rudi!
The pick: Cincinnati

Detroit at Chicago (-9.5)
Roy Williams guarenteed a win and procliamed the Lions O stupid close to scoring 40 points in a week in which they scored 6 on exactly zero touchdowns. Good enough for me.
The pick: Detroit

Houston at Indianapolis (13.5)
The Eagles and their psueodo-recieving corps absolutely torched the Texans secondary last week to the point that Andy Reid was saying "Watch this" to his assisntant before sending in plays that led to scores. I would imagine Indy does much the same thing, except instead of saying "watch this," Tony Dungy says "I hate you Peyton."
The pick: Indy

New Orleans (-2) at Green Bay
This isn't even close. Green Bay is a punchline. How the hell is this line only at 2?
The pick: New Orleans

N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia (-3)
Game of the Week right here. Donnie Mac and homefield are the difference. I'm very excited to see Tom Coughlin positively losing his mind on the sidelines, though. I hope he starts doing that thing where he waves his arms up and down like an extra in Angels in the Outfield trying to pump up the crowd, only Shockey comes over, shakes his blonde locks out of his eyes, and says "Um, coach? You know we're on the road? Plus um...me and some of the guys we're talkin'...well, um...you look like a tool doing that...we took a vote and um, you should stop."
The pick: Philly

Oakland at Baltimore (-12)
The question here is, will Baltimore score 13 points? Because if they can, they'll cover. I think their defense alone can score 13 points, so they'll cover. Have you ever seen a team look worse than Oakland did Monday night? I mean, ever? Not in the NFL...like college or high school or hell, Pop Warner. They only had 129 total yards - 42 passing! When you beat the hell out of some scrub team on Madden, even they get 129 yards! They gave up 9 sacks. I'm telling you, play 500 with Randy Moss, Oakland. Its your only shot.
The pick: Baltimore

Tampa Bay at Atlanta (-5.5)
I'm firmly entrenches in the Michael Vick Breakout Year Camp. I'm also fimrly entrenched in Chris Simms Will be the First NFL Player to Come Out of the Closet Unless Michael Straham Does First. You see where I'm going with this.
The pick: Atlanta

Arizona at Seattle (-7)
An open letter to Shaun Alexander:

Dear Shaun,

Pull a stunt this week like the one you pulled last week - 50 yards, FL - and you will be doing a lot more than slipping on weiner dogs. Try me.

Sincerely,

The T-Birds.

The pick: Arizona

St. Louis (-3) at San Francisco
You know who comes into the Niners house and pushes them around?!?! No one, that's who!!
The pick: San Francisco

Kansas City at Denver (-10.5)
How the hell is Denver favored by over 10 points? How the hell are they even going to score 10 points? Look at the QB match up here: Damon Huard vs Jake Plummer. Cripes. Not exactly the Manning Bowl, is it? Denver will win, but certainly not by more than 10 points.
The pick: Denver

Tennessee at San Diego (-11.5)
Again, Philip Rivers is getting over 11 points? I understand Tennesse is not so good, and their QB is..oh. Just 11. 5? Sounds about right.
The pick: San Diego.

New England (-6) at N.Y. Jets
Did you enjoy that Week One, New York? You did? Good, I'm glad.
The pick: New England.

Washington at Dallas (-6)
I freaking hate Dallas. No way I could ever pick them. Ever. God I hate them.
The pick: Washington

Pittsburgh (-2.5) at Jacksonville
Pittsburgh's defense is too good. I'm curious to see how Joey Porter makes fun of his opponent this week. He's turning into a defensive Chad Johnson.
The pick: Pittsburgh