Did the Fancy Little Football Person Really Try to Kill Himself?

Did TO try to kill himself? I don't know; I mean, I guess he has 25 million reasons not to, right? (Classy.) So why would he?

Does it even matter? TO did something ridiculous, got on TV, got everyone to talk about him, so I'm sure he's pleased. This is either really, really depressing or really, really hilarious, and I'm not really sure which, but it's either one or the other. No in between here, TO. I think since he lived its hilarious; if he would have died, its depressing.

So: haha.

A day later, though, and this is really all I can think of: How big of a jerk - I mean, an absolute asshole - do you have to be that you can try to kill yourself and it changes no one's opinion of you? I really can't think of anything that would make someone a more sympathetic figure than a suicide attempt...maybe if their entire family was slaughtered or something. But if you want to make people at least feel bad for you, I'd say suicide is pretty much your best bet.

Think of what a conniving, unbelievable prime dona someone must be that when you hear that he tried to commit suicide, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Yea right. He's faking it. Another typical TO publicity stunt."

TO tried to kill himself (allegedly! I know!) and it made people dislike him even more. Good Lord. That's no small feat.

If anything, this should show TO exactly what the rest of the world actually thinks of him. You can ignore it all you want, but when everyone thinks you tried to kill yourself, and people hate you more, well...that's no good, homie.

Personally, I believe the police. Why the hell would they make something like that up? Well, let's put it this way: I believe them more than TOs publicist, Kim Etheridge. And because of this gem from the captain of the investigating officers:

"The officers reacted because they were called to this location to do this job. Now they're being put under a microscope by some fancy little football person. Give me a break. Those officers are 10 times better than this man."
-- Senior Cpl. Glenn White

A fancy little football person? That's fabulous. Did he take his beret off before he said that? Who is this guy's superior officer, Mango?

Up to this point, I was completely fed up with TO. I changed the channel anytime he came on TV. He was so overhyped and focused on, it was infuriating. His hammy. His finger. I didn't really care. But if all of TO's bullshit antics are going to lead to quote about "fancy little football people," then I'm all for it.

Fancy little football people. That's worth all of it, TO. Absolutely.