Round 1 was unbearably long...so let's make it last a little bit longer:
I get it, but who on Planet Earth is he going to throw to? The biggest team cancer not named TO? A point guard? The face of failure in Detroit? And who is going to block for him? If I am JaMarcus, I am very excited to be here, very rich and very open to clip board duty for a while.
2 Detroit WR Johnson, Calvin
I know it is the right pick - hey, they got the best player in the draft - but I love that they had to take a WR. Mike Furrey feels totally disrespected, though. He may turn into a locker room cancer. Damn prima donna wide receivers.
3 Cleveland OT Thomas, Joe
I love how the Browns drafted the one guy who wanted absolutely nothing to do with all the hype and overexposure of the NFL Draft and then followed that up by drafting the day's - year's? - biggest media whore. Bet they get along swimmingly.
4 Tampa Bay DE Adams, Gaines
Um, good pick. Yea. But you do remember your quarterback situation last year, right? If your DE position was a bigger disaster than that, well...I will see you in this same spot next year.
5 Arizona OT Brown, Levi
I don't care if it was a reach, they HAD to draft a lineman. That o-line was atrocious, horrendous, god awful. They were forced into a corner. Drafting at any other position was negligent and irresponsible. Peterson might be a better player, but he would have reboken that collar bone every other game running behind that line.
6 Washington FS Landry, LaRon
What the hell? The future wasn't sacrificed for an aging super star? Didn't they see Bruce Smith announce that one pick? He's available!
7 Minnesota RB Peterson, Adrian
Have fun with Tavarus Jackson or whatever the hell his name is. We might see the first ever "11 men in the box" defense next year...and it'll work.
This is weird...is he going to do the Dirty Bird, too?
9 Miami WR Ginn Jr., Ted
Alright, we get it. They blew it. I just like how Cam Cameron defended the pick: "Hey, I have known the Ginn family for a long time, he's a great kid and will be a great punt returner." I love how the Dolphins only draft friends of the Cameron family now.
And this notion that John Beck comes in with less pressure now. Are you kidding me? He will forever be compared to Brady Quinn. Any success Quinn has will only serve to heighten Beck's screw ups. Miami just better pray Quinn blows.
10 Houston (from Atlanta) DT Okoye, Amobi
Something special is brewing on that Houston defensive line. I can feel it. I think the Colts are quite frightened as well.
11 San Francisco ILB Willis, Patrick
Yes. Just yes. The best LB on the board? Yes. I could watch the highlight of him planting that dude from LSU over and over and over...
12 Buffalo RB Lynch, Marshawn
Good thing Buffalo traded that running back with character issues away. Wouldn't want a high-priced possible head case in the backfield, now would we?
13 St. Louis DE Carriker, Adam
I dunno. I have nothing.
14 N.Y. Jets (from Carolina) CB Revis, Darrelle
Darrelle, Randy. Randy, Darrelle. You two have fun now.
15 Pittsburgh OLB Timmons, Lawrence
Filled a need. Terrific. Pittsburgh has the most boring drafts ever. They're good at it, but they are boring as shit. They are the Spurs of drafting. On a side note: have you seen Mike Tomlin's haircut? That thing is SHARP. His sideburns up to the side of his hair is just razor sharp; I have no idea how to get one's hair like that. I need to see it in HDTV. If he pays as much attention to detail as a head coach as he does to his haircut, the Steelers will be the most prepared team in the NFL, hands down.
16 Green Bay DT Harrell, Justin
"What about Brett! He needs some weapons! What kind of message does this send to the face of your franchise?!?!" Whoa, sorry, channeled Steve Young there for a second.
17 Denver (from Jacksonville) DE Moss, Jarvis
The Pats had a terrific off-season, but Denver isn't screwing around either. I see these two in the AFC Championship Game, and Denver can actually match up with the Pats' wide outs. They traded up to get Moss, so they must think he can help them now. 
Would you be intimidated if the Bengals drafted you? I would imagine walking into the locker room that first day would be like the first day new inmates stroll into Shawshank. I got five cigarettes that Leon cries his first night. "You don't understand! I'm not supposed to be here!" "Fresh FISH! Fresh FISH! Fresh FISH!"
19 Tennessee FS Griffin, Michael
You know who is going to suck this year? The Titans. Madden Curse aside, there is just no way they repeat what they did next year. Just now way. Pacman made all kinds of plays for them - on defense and especially on special teams - and he is gone. Their offense sucks. Name one wide receiver on their roster. Go ahead, I got all kinds of time. And that Chris Brown/LenDale White backfield isn't scaring anyone. They'll be drafting in the top 5 next year.
20 N.Y. Giants CB Ross, Aaron
The Giants...just...I just can't make myself care. I don't care about them. Moving on.
21 Jacksonville (from Denver) FS Nelson, Reggie
You gotta feel good when you can trade back and still get the guy you want. Who's in charge of that in Jacksonville? Why not to screw that up.
22 Cleveland (from Dallas) QB Quinn, Brady
Did they give up too much? I don't think so. They basically just drafted their first round pick a year early. They get to get him in their system a year sooner, they get to pay him a lot freakin' less and their fan base absolutely adores them right now. Let's just hope he doesn't blow.
And all this nonsense about Brady disappearing into Goodell's Green Room somehow foreshadowing his career is ludicrous. You really think Brady had any choice in the matter? What Goodell says is law. The NFL didn't want all the attention focused on the guy NOT getting drafted when there was so much else to celebrate. It was a great move by the League. Brady handled himself flawlessly during the actual draft, even though he shamelessley promoted himself before it.
23 Kansas City WR Bowe, Dwayne
Bravo, KC. See a need, fill it. Who knows if he was the best WR prospect, but KC did the right thing. I am way too excited about that.
Hey, the gun fight was legal. Back off! And we all know that you don't come into the OB like that! Belichik does revel in a little bit of a degree of difficulty, though, doesn't he?
25 Carolina (from N.Y. Jets) OLB Beason, Jon
Keyshawn was phenomenal during the draft. I cannot wait until he retires so he can do this. He is infinitely better than Tiki Barber. There is no awkward pauses or ever saying to yourself, "yea..well...I know what he was trying to say." I can't say it enough. I am very, very excited for the Keyshawn Johnson era.
26 Dallas (from Philadelphia) DE Spencer, Anthony
Wonder how high that No. 1 will be next year. Does Mel have his 2008 mock draft up yet?
27 New Orleans WR Meachem, Robert
Screw offense. No seriously, we don't care. We are going to try to score every time we touch it. Think you can keep up? We shall see, we shall see...
28 San Francisco (from New England) OT Staley, Joe
Gave up next year's No. 1 to get him, but got one back...probably later in the draft, but still. Trading that No. 1 though means the Niners think they are winning this division. And you know what? That is exciting as all hell. Much like the Browns, the Niners had a plan and did what they had to do to execute it. You can't ask for more than that.
29 Baltimore G Grubbs, Ben
Um, some bullshit about opening up holes for the newly acquired Willis McGahee. They still can't pass for shit. Next.
30 San Diego WR Davis, Craig
Go read KC's pick.
31 Chicago TE Olsen, Greg
I had no idea he was in The Seventh Floor Crew! That is flooring. Him and Sexy are going to terrorize Chicago.
32 Indianapolis WR Gonzalez, Anthony
Ohio St. got two WRs in Round 1; USC got 0. Check back in three years to see how that works out. And while we are here: who has a better receiving corps: Harrison, Wayne, Gonzalez or Moss, Stallworth, Welker and Co.? It is debatable, isn't it?
Monday, April 30, 2007
The First Round in Review. Or, Another Blogger Bashes the Ted Ginn Jr. Pick.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The Seven Most Unstoppable Moves in the NBA.
Tony Kornheiser said the other day that the reason people don't watch the NBA is because the players are too good. And to an extent, that is true. NBA players are so good that they really make difficult things look mundane. Casual basketball fans, or even some avid ones, sometimes don't fully understand just how hard some of the things are that these guys do.
And not even things like Vince Carter jumping over some random seven footer or Rip Hamilton running his man off 14 screens before draining a 15-foot jumper, things the average guy sitting on the couch or the bar stool knows he can't do. I mean things just like a guy catching a pass in transition and hitting an open three or someone driving, absorbing contact and still being able to finish. You see them on highlights so much that you just expect it to happen and don't really appreciate it for how difficult it is. Sometimes it doesn't work out, and you'll hear "Oh, c'mon, it was a layup! I coulda made that!" or "He was wide open! What are they paying you for, anyways?"
And do you know who's fault that is? The super-duper stars. They make it look too easy, like they aren't even trying. The king of this is Tracy McGrady, who looks like he would rather be napping insted of scoring 35 on someone. But when those superstars really do try to score, they are unstoppable. No single human being on the planet can stop them. If there was a one-on-one contest in Vegas this weekend among the NBA elite, it would never end, because sans double teams, these guys are scoring every single time. No exceptions. They have moves that are impossible to stop.
So what are these moves, you ask? Well, why don't you just pull up a seat and let me tell you.
Ray Allen's Jumper. Alright, we are starting off with something that really isn't a move, per se, but it is just so damn pretty I had to put it on here. The release is so pure - the wrist just flicks the ball towards the rim, spinning it perfectly. The ball positively tears through the net; there may not be a prettier sound in the world. Whap! Then the ball rests in the nylon for a split second, almost pausing to admire what it has just done, and then falls peacefully to the floor, like it was meant to do nothing else. Poetry, really.
Paul Pierce's Pull Up J. Here's what Pierce does, and so do a lot of other players, but Pierce is the first one I remember doing it regularly, and I think he is the best at it. After he has beaten you to the rim a few times, you're expecting drive again. He dribbles once or twice with the left hand, and then starts the motion to cross over, raising his shoulders and moving his hands to simulate the beginning of the move. It really looks like he's about to cross over, only at the absolute last second, he aborts it and rises fluidly into his jumper. The defender is low and backing up, having recognized the crossover's commencement, and is helpless to rise up and challenge the shot. Pierce gets a clean look at the rim, which he usually buries. Unless you are waiting for it, there is just no way to stop it. Just pray he misses. All you can do.
KG's Baseline Fade Away. Length, athleticism, quickness. Garnett sets his defender up for this beautifully with a quick shoulder twitch to the middle, and by the time the D reacts, he is already spinning towards the baseline. He is so damn long you aren't going to block it anyways, but he is so athletic that he jumps higher and further back than anybody else possibly could in a fade away. Plus, he shoots it well above his head. The separation he gets is phenomenal.
Dwyane Wade's Spin. Perhaps the best move in the world, ever. I mean, how are you supposed to deal with this?
Dirk's Foul Line Fade Away. Kinda like Garnett's, but not really. Garnett is trying to out-athletic you, out jump you. Dirk has no such aspirations; I don't even think he leaves the floor to jump. He just knows that because of his perimeter skills, team's have no choice but to guard him with someone smaller and quicker. So he'll catch the ball on the perimeter, and patiently and methodically work his way to the foul line area. Once he's there, he shows you his back, leans back, and releases. It's that simple, but I don't think I've ever seen it blocked, and he's so good at it it is basically a layup. Maybe in the past you could play him to it, but now he's a threat to get to the rim, too, so good luck.
LeBron's Hesitation. Either in transition or at the top of the key. Really, I just feel bad for the guy in his way. Hell, sometimes two or three people can't stop it because he's such a freight train. Remember him carrying Pistons defenders to the rim in the playoffs last year like he was Mark Bravaro fighting for two extra yards? In transition, he is getting to the rim; all he does is pause for a moment to make the defender think, and then he is blowing right by them. Same thing in the half court: unless you are constantly backing up, he is by you. It is so effective and works because he is so strong. He's strong enough to take the contact from the initial defender and then from the help defender and still finish. If I was guarding him, I would pray he was shooting jumpers that day.
Kobe Bryant's Jab Series. Kobe Bryant is the only player I have ever seen pick up his dribble on the perimeter and then still jab himself enough space to get off his jumper. Seriously. He doesn't even need his dribble to back the defender up. I wish I could explain how he does that, but I really have no idea. Houdini doesn't. When he does have a dribble, fuggitaboudit. He will get to where ever he wants. It really is incredible how far up he backs guys just by jabbing his right foot at them. And it is a threat to happen every single time he catches the ball. Back when he shot every time, he must have scared the shit out of defenders. I mean, he probably still does, but there really isn't the thought of 81 looming over their heads anymore. Scary as hell.
Allen Iverson's Crossover. Yea, I know we aren't breaking any new ground here, and it's been around for a while, but it is still the gold standard of NBA moves. He doesn't do it as much anymore, and he isn't as vicious with it as he used to be (like when he got MJ) but when he does break it out, the defender is worthless. He just gets served, every time. Ask Antonio Daniels. It's like the good china you don't break out for every meal, but when it does come out, you know there is something to get excited about. Plus he has that sweet finish where he will come from the right side, drive past the rim, all the way to the left side of the rim, and then shoot back at the basket, falling away. It has been dissected countless times - remember that commercial with Pat Croce, I think? - but it's worth it. If you want to call it the single most unstoppable move in NBA history, you won't get an argument out of me.
What moves did I leave off the list? I know there's a few...
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Who to Cheer For
Unless "your" team is the Tigers, A's, Mets or Cardinals, you really don't care who wins the World Series. So I would imagine that after Tommy Lasorda coaxes you out of your kitchen cabinets, you're going to have to pick a team to root for.
(How dumb are those commercials by the way? You are either gonna watch the playoffs or you aren't - if you pay attention to baseball at all, you know when they are on. All those commercials do is piss off every fan who's team isn't in the playoffs. Especially the Red Sox one where the girl says "I'm a Yankee fan." If anything, those spots are making less people watch playoff baseball, if only because they smashed their TV the first time they saw them. Let's just let whoever does the commercials for Nextel handle all the commercials from now on and be done with it, alright?)
You can really use anything you want to decide what team to cheer for: who has the prettiest colors, your favorite player plays for them, who's mascot would win in a fight - but if you aren't emotionally attached to any team, you should really just go by this: How cool would it be if Team X won the World Series?
Here, then, is a little breakdown of just how cool it would be. Without further ado...
The Tony LaRussa factor alone relegates them to fourth place on the list. LaRussa might be a hell of a guy - he probably is, actually. But he just looks like that idiot in the bar with four buttons undone on his shirt and three skinny gold chains around his neck that unabashedly hits on all the 25 year olds in sight. He ends up giving the whole place a weird vibe - he's just frustrating to have around. Same with him on TV: the sooner I don't have to see close ups off his greasy black hair, the better.
Besides LaRussa, I'm not seeing anyone all that compelling to cheer for. Eckstein looks like he's 12, so I guess you could cheer for the team with a Little Leaguer playing shortstop. Edmonds is a cool dude to watch play - gives up his body making some sick catches. And if you want the opportunity to say "Poo Holes" for as long as possible, well then...this is the team for you. Oh, and they have one of the Molina Brothers, but at this point, who doesn't?
Its not that anyone should cheer against them, I just don't see why you would cheer for them if you didn't have to. I really don't see anyone you can attach yourself to and or story line worth getting wrapped up in. Moving on.
3. The New York Mets
If Pedro doesn't get hurt for the playoffs, then the Mets might be a little higher on this list. Pedro is always good for some snippy, brutally honest quotes that make only kinda make sense and an above average chance we'll get to see him carrying around a midget. Honestly, can you ask for more than that? No, no you can not.
(By the way: DOB - 8/23/58...so he's like 46 years old. And I'm not even buying that. He's at least 55. Why wouldn't he just tell us the truth? It's not like he's some guy defecting from Cuba or something, trying to get a better contract. At this point, I would be even more impressed, wouldn't you?)
And I don't know why, but David Wright and Carlos Beltran just seem like fun guys to cheer for. 'Member when Beltran went like 34 for 35 with 25 home runs for the Stros two years ago? I wouldn't mind seeing him go on a tear like that again.
The Mets lose points for spending alotta money to put this team together, even if they don't have any real pricks on it. Its never any fun when the team with the highest payroll in the playoffs ends up winning it all. They get bonus points for being from New York for the sole reason that it probably pisses off Yankee fans that they aren't even the best team in their own city. (Is that how that works? Do the Yankees hate the Mets? Or are they just another team? Or are they kinda like, "OK well, at least a team from NY won"? Some one explain this to me.)
When a team goes out of its way not to spend money in basbeall - baseball! - you have to cheer for them, right? The whole "Moneyball" thing alone is worth it, I think. Yea, it is. I just decided.
Can you imagine if they actually won the whole thing? I think everyone likes the whole Moneyball theory, but they kind of dismiss it as a cute gimmick that can keep you competitive, but isn't going to win you a World Series. Like, "OK, Oakland, that's adorable how you win games on a budget, but its the playoffs now, so either don't come at all or just do us a favor and lose in the first round, and we'll see you next year. You can pick up your checks at the front desk. Thanks for your time."
If they won, it would really make teams think twice about throwing cash at aging superstars. I really thought Oakland was idiotic for letting Miggy go a few years ago, but now Oakland is in the ALCS, and Baltimore fans are staging "Free the Birds" Nights and walking out en masse on their team. This prove two things, I think: I'm an idiot and Billy Beane is a smarty pants.
All of their guys seem like the kind of player who would go flying after a pop-up, slam into a wall, fall into the dirt - make the catch - and then not even bother to brush the dirt from their uniforms. Hard to cheer against those kind of players. But if the A's won it all, it still wouldn't be as cool as if the Series was won by...
1. The Detroit Tigers
Two things have me convinced the Tigers need to win the World Series: their on-field celebration after winning the ALCS and Jim Leyland.
I didn't see the Tigers celebrate knocking The Biggest Payroll in Sports out of the playoffs live, but I caught some of the highlights later on, and let me be the first to tell you...there aren't too many cooler celebrations in the history of sports. Running out onto the field and spraying champagne on your fans? That's top of the line right there. I was split on whether it would be cooler if Detroit won or Oakland won, but after that celebration, it's not even close.
Say what you will about Detroit, but they sure do get their fans involved. First Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson, and now this. Going to a game in Detroit - any game - has potential no other place really has.
Reason No. 2 is Jim Leyland. Is there a more bad ass manager in the majors right now? Remember that tirade he had at the beginning of the year? Remember how the media drilled him for it? Lookin' pretty smart now, isn't it? And I think this pretty much ends the "Are Managers Actually Important" debate once and for all.
Leyland just seems like the guy who knows exactly he right way to do everything and is pissed off that he has to explain it to everyone. He must be some kind of motivator, too. I'd love to play for him.
And Detroit absolutely cleans up in the cool players to cheer for department. Pudge - who doesn't win with him on their team? He's baseball's answer to Robert Horry. Verlander - if you don't think I'm tuning in just to see him hit triple figures on the radar gun, you're nuts. Carlos Guillen, Joel Zumaya, Brandon Inge (yes, I had to look these names up)...these guys just seem fun to watch and cheer for. That closer with the crazy 'stache.
Its one thing to cheer for an underdog in basketball or football, where at least there is a salary cap and some semblance of an even playing field. But in baseball, where the salary structure is so out of whack, its an entirely different thing. Teams in baseball are doormats because they just can't afford to compete - more so in football and hoops, anyways. So its absolutely enjoyable - at least for me - to see someone spend under $100 million and win the World Series.
As long as someone from the AL wins it all this year, that's cool with me.
Friday, October 06, 2006
In Praise of the Stiff Arm
You know what move I never understood? The stiff arm.
I always wondered why the defender just didn't grab the arm that was being thrown in his face and swing the ball carrier to the ground. I mean, the point is to get as far away from the defenders as possible, right? So why give the guy trying to tackle you something else to grab onto? It just never seemed like the most well-thought out thing in the world. To me, at least.
I think I failed to take a few things into consideration: First, its pretty damn difficult to tackle someone just by the arm. Dudes in the NFL are kinda strong. And it’s not like the arm is just flailing there, like a towel or Troy Polamalu's hair. It’s stiff, remember? Players using the stiff arm positively crush it against thier would-be tackler's facemask. The where-the-hell-did-that-come-from? jolt alone is worth another five yards. Throw in the fact that no one in the NFL can tackle anyways (Seriously. They can't. Everyone either goes for the big hit and misses entirely or just grabs someone and tries to fall over with them. Wrap up!) and its a pretty effective weapon.
I don't know if I wasn't really paying attention before or no one really used it that much or what, but I thought it was about the second dumbest thing to do in football, right behind throwing a fade from the two-yard line. (That play never, ever, ever works, unless you throw it to Randy Moss, Plaxico Burress, Larry Fitzgerald, Chris Chambers...and that's pretty much it. Maybe a few other guys or if you are playing the Giants. Why just throw it up? If your running game can't get it in from the 2 with 4 chances, you're gonna lose anyways, so I guess it really doesn't matter.)
So, Stiff Arm, I'd just like to say welcome back, or welcome to prominence, or just wutup with a man hug, because after week four, its pretty clear you're gonna be around for a while. I can think of three from the last couple of weeks alone that were just absolutely devastating.
Here's the three I could think of, in order of embarrassment for the defender.
That Colts defender wasn't going to stop that TD anyways, but he still got planted. He just got put flat on his back. If Cotchery (out of no where fantasy star, by the way) stiff arms him at the 10, I think he still gets in the end zone. Cotchery didn't even really have to do it. It was kind of a "I'm going to score and watch this!" thing. Ouch.
Getting up after getting stiff armed...there can't be that many more embarrassing things in football, can there? Maybe Plaxico spiking the ball for the Steelers his rookie season when no one touched him. But not much else. I do not envy No. 41 in the film room Tuesday afternoon. You know it's coming, you know everyone is waiting for it, and you just have to sit there in silence waiting for it, while everyone pretends not to laugh. Hurts Sunday, hurts Tuesday.
Still, I don't feel as bad for him as I do for...
...Michael Adams. This hurts on a few levels. First of all, he got stiff armed by Brian Westbrook, who isn't exactly known for his bruising running style. Second, Westbrook didn't even knock him down. He just kept him at arm's length, like
If you’re Adam, why not dive at his legs or something? He didn't even have to tackle him! Westbrook was tiptoeing the sideline - just give him a little shove and it's all over. That was just a pathetic effort. I think I'm more stunned at Adam's sorry attempt than I am impressed with Westbrook's stiff arm. No wonder the Niners gave up 41 points to Damon Huard.
On a personal note: its not like the Niners really had a chance of winning, but whenever someone on your team gets humiliated like that, it still stings. Throw in the fact that my fantasy opponent had Westbrook that week, and I had McNabb, and I ended up losing a nailbiter...that's a dagger. You know if
Fast forward to 5:40. Its worth it. Trust me.
This...this is just absurd. Maroney absolutely annihilates that guy for the Bengals. (I think Chris Henry found himself a drinking buddy for that night.) Not that I've seen that many, but this is the most devestating stiff arm I've ever witnessed (if you've got better ones - or just other ones - I'd love to see them.) He went down like Maroney ducked his shoulder, Earl Campbell style, and run his ass over.
Maroney stiff armed his so hard, the guy does a complete flip. How do explain that one on the sidelines? What's Marvin Lewis even going to say to him? He just has to walk to the sideline, unbuckle his chin strap in disgust and stand there with his hands on his hips in disbelief, like it was some fluke and he can't begin to comprehend how it happened in the first place.
But he's really thinking to himself, "If Maroney becomes a star (which he will), people are going to be watching that highlight 20 years from now, like that time Barry Sanders turned that poor sap from the Patriots around three times. I am really, really screwed for a really, really long time."
That cornerback for the Packers got cut for getting torched; explain to me why this guy shouldn't be cut for getting truck-sticked like he was on a video game? And if you get cut from the Packers' secondary, that's pretty much it, right? I mean, maybe the Patriots will call for some spot duty in late-December when Troy Brown gets fed up, but the career is pretty much in the tank when the Packers tell you that you can't cover someone.
I'm just geeked for the stiff arm moving up the charts on the Random Sports Moments That No One is Expecting But Are Exciting as Hell List. Its right up there with a an outfielder robbing a home run or an alley-oop from half court. As far as I'm concerned, the more stiff arms, the better.
Friday, September 29, 2006
The Ten Best Players in the NBA.
Did you know NBA training camp starts in, like, a week? Totally does. I had no idea. In honor of me not knowing that, here are Point 23's Top 10 Best Players in the League.
Full disclosure: ranking the best ten players in the NBA isn't exactly an original idea, but the inspiration came from Dime Mag's Top 10, via True Hoop. Oh, and Jones on the NBA ranked his, too. And um, Bench Renaldo had one. Whew.
Come on, I'm gonna read all those and not throw my two cents in?
So how are we defining best? Best one-on-one player? Best team player? "If You Were Starting a Team Today...?" Most unstoppable? Best scorer? Best all around player? Most valuable? How 'bout we define it like this: "best." There, that was easy, wasn't it? One thing we won't be doing is using stats, I can tell you that much. You aren't better because you average 29.4 and I average 27.3.
Toughest Omissions: AI, 'Melo, KG, Agent 0, Paul Pierce, CP3, Dwight Howard, Elton Brand, Kirk Hinrich (I know, I know...leave me alone). I'm really, really sorry fellas. I still got your backs though (pounds chest twice, points). You know who wasn't tough to leave off? Shaq. If we were making a "Top 10 Greatest Complimentary Players in the NBA," he'd be a lock for No. 1. Onto the list...
The Kings went from an after ran to nearly knocking off the No. 1 seed in the Western Conference in the playoffs just by adding him. He's felt all over the court - literally.
For an opponent, there can't be a more frustrating person to play against. He would completely get in your head on defense, that's a given. But on offense, he looks so goofy. He pats the ball rather than dribbling it; he doesn't craddle the ball, he just kind of smacks at it. He's so unorthodox. He's the kind of guy you'd hate giving up 20 points to, more so than a "normal" looking player, if that makes any sense.
The fact that he's a headcase who has a very real chance of doing something that may get him permanently banned is a mild concern yes (and by mild I mean huge), but I think he's worth it.
9. Yao. Silently, the best center in the L. And silently is the key word here, because his lack of a killer instinct is kind if disheartening. There's really no reason he shouldn't score 30 every night. Yea, 30. That said, his skill set is pretty impressive - short jumpers, some over-the-shoulder moves, deft passer (I love deft passers, but why are only passers are deft? Why aren't there any deft shooters? Or deft ballhandlers?) and shot changer around the basket. Besides Shaq, I think he's the only center even worth while.
8. T. Mac. Mr. Sad Guy is the complete package. We're talking ideal circumstances here: his back doesn't go out and he stays happy all season long.
If God was going to design a basketball player, T. Mac is it. Long as hell, athletic as hell, range he doesn't even need. How easy does he make basketball look? Does he even sweat? Remember how Artest seems like the kind of guy you'd be furious to let score 20 on you? T. Mac seems like the kind of guy who could drop 35 on you and you wouldn't even be that mad.
He gets knocked for taking a lot of off balance jumpers, and the fact that he hasn't really won anything yet (that "its nice to be in the second round" comment will forever haunt him), but he is a winner: remember those four 3's in under a minute against San Antionio? Unreal. But still...maybe the reason him and Yao haven't really won anything is because both of them lack that killer instinct. This seems like a big season for the both of them, though. I'll be excited to see big things out of them.
7. Amare. Hey look, its Stevie's teammate. Amare's skills are still pretty raw, I think (all things being relative), but he's so uber-ridiculously-freaky athletic that he could have the coordination of Shawn Bradley and it wouldn't matter. You literally just give him the ball on the elbow, he fakes one way, goes the other, takes one dribble and two steps, and just crushes it. He's absolutely unguardable, and he doesn't even really have any moves. (OK, that's kind of unfair. He has some moves, but I don't think you'll see him do the Dream Shake or bust out Kevin McHale's up-and-under any time soon.) And its not like people are even playing his jumper - how thrilled do you think everyone would be if he shot 20 15-footers every game? They know what he's doing and they are still helpless.
Sitting out the majority of last season hurts his cause though. Once he gets back to 100%, he'll likely move up the list. I'm sure he's very concerned with that.
5. Steve Nash. The two-time MVP is far and away the best point guard in the league. He's really playing differently than any other point guard; he sees and reacts to things differtly. Whether he makes the system or the system makes him is really irrelevant at this point: the production can't be ignored. He got criticized as not being MVP-worthy (um, not by me or anything...) because he wasn't a pure scorer but more a distributor.
Nash can dominate a game in two ways, though: in the open court and transition, where there isn't anyone better, not even Jason Kidd. And in the half-court, he dominates the ball and directs traffic flawlessly. He'll literally hold the ball for the entire shot clock, and then at the last second find someone for a layup or open 3. Its uncanny.
Look how far he took a shallow Suns team in the playoffs - his second best player is the wildly over rated Shawn Marion and after that its a couple of foreign guys nobody quite wanted. Kinda remarkable, no? And yea, those guys are perfect for that system. But Nash is the reason why.
5. Dirk Nowitzki.You know what I like? When a player gets criticized for a weakness in their game and then goes out and shuts everyone up. Dirk got hammered for being a soft jump shooter, so he made it his personal mission to crash the boards - especially on offense - and put the ball on the floor and get to the rim, especially in the playoffs. Throw in his clutch shooting and his little temper tantrums (they are so adorable, Dirk), and we may have a monster on our hands for years to come. As long as he doesn't take his contract money and pull a Shaun Alexander, that is.
Now, those last six players are highly, highly debatable. There's a ton of players you could throw in there and it wouldn't be absurd: see Omissions, Toughest. (I can't believe I left Iverson off this list. I really can't.), probably some more. These next four though, I think, have to be considered the best four players in the League. Some Nash apologist will claim the two-time MVP should be here, but I don't think so. These are the top four, and that's pretty indisputable. Shuffle them around in any order - that's cool - but these have to be the top four. Have to be.
Think of it this way: of the six guys we mentioned above - or anyone else for that matter - could you make a convincing argument that they are the best player - bar none No. 1 - in the entire NBA? Absolutely not. Could you me that same argument for the next four guys? Most certainly. That seems like a good dividing line to me.
4. Tim Duncan. He's really good. Fundamental as hell. Moves and counter moves galore. Automatic double team, and he's patient and successful out of it.Pretty much an automatic deuce every time he touches it. I don't feel like talking about him though. Let's get to the Big Three.
Farther out than that though, and things get a little dicey. His range is suspect, although he did flash some distance in the playoffs. Which is why I don't understand why more teams don't go under the ball screens the Heat set for him; wouldn't you rather he launched a three or long J rather than slicing to the basket? And is there anyone in the league better at splitting the double-teams off the ball screen? Answer: No, there isn't.
Wade's height and help keeps him locked at the No. 3 spot, though. The two players ahead of him just out-tall him, which just makes them tougher to handle. Plus the next two guys both play on clearly inferior teams, which changes how they are guarded. They are without a doubt the focal points of their offenses. Playing with Shaq, Wade enjoys a benefit and a luxury that the next two guys don't get to enjoy. Not really Wade's fault, but still. He can fall down seven times and stand up eight. No one else can do that. (Know why? Cuz its impossible. D Wade can literally do the impossible.)
2. LeBron. There is no bigger LeBron apologist than me, and I really don't enjoy Kobe all that much, so this hurts a little. That said, he's still just the second best player in the L. Not that that's the worst thing in the world.
LeBron is the basketball equivalent of a five-tool player in baseball. He can shoot, get to the rim, pass with the best of them, post-up, and excel in transition. He's clearly superior at some of these aspects than others; no one is tougher one-on-one in transition and his ability to get to the rim is on par with the best in the league, and you'd be hard pressed to find a better, more creative passer in the league (its considerably easier to find open people when four guys are guarding you, but when you're teammates can't catch, it kind of evens things out). Yea, he can shoot, but it isn't really a reliable weapon - yet. And his post up game is raw, consisting mainly of him banging a few times and then elevating over his defender - and there isn't anyone he can't elevate over. His athleticism and his natural build really give him a weapon that not many people can fall back on. And for right now at least, that's more than anyone in the L can handle.
Still, his effort on the defensive end is questionable at best. Its not that he can't lock up - he just doesn't sometimes. And he's been knocked for being to passive (I'm not buying it, but still). You can't really knock his effort as a teammate, he defers almost - almost - to a fault. In a few years, he could be a player the likes of which they L has never seen (was that dramatic enough for you?). He's not quite there yet - he's close - but not quite there yet.
The Mamba really has no weaknesses. Pressure him on the perimeter and he's getting to the rim before you are even in your stance. Back off, and its buckets - from, like, really far away, too. He handles double-teams better than anyone in the league - which I guess makes sense, since he sees more of them than anyone in the league. His post up game is ridiculous, just an endless series of pivots and headfakes. And we haven't even gotten to his best move yet: his fadeaway, which he can get off over either shoulder, and either swish or bank it. When he misses, you're absolutely stunned, and when he does make it, the ball positively rips through the net - wap! He's clutch as hell, too. With the game on the line, there is no one else you'd rather have taking the shot - and frankly, its not even close. Dude is an cold-blooded assassin with ice water in his veins. (That's why he's cold-blooded, because of the ice in his veins, get it? He might be the first cold-blooded snake though. I'ma have to look into that.) Plus he can shoot left handed and is a beast on the defensive end of the court.
Here's what impresses me most about Kobe, and he's the only player in the NBA - at least that I've seen - that can consistently do it: Kobe will catch the ball on the wing, a step behind the three point line, with his defender draped all over him. He'll jab, headfake, ballfake, fake the drive, whatever - and get off a J. Here's the thing: He doesn't use a dribble, and gets wide open. I mean, the defender is staggering while Kobe is rising up, completely alone. How many other players can absolutely free themselves without even dribbling?
Kobe's passing gets knocked, but he's a more than able passer who would just rather take a tough shot than pass - and honestly, can you blame him? He actually had a solid number of assists for a 2-guard last season. His effort to be a good teammate is almost comically forced, like he read a manual on how to be a good teammate, tried to act it out, but is just convincing no one. His past seems to influence this more than anything - hey, at least he's trying to be a good teammate now, eh?
So while he may not be the NBA's best teammate, he's clearly its best player. And if you disagree, well...you don't really now what you're talking about. That's how good he is.
(At least until Bronny get himself a J.)
Monday, September 18, 2006
Position U.
Mario Manningham got me thinking.
After watching him light up Notre Dame (I love when ND gets torched on their own network, and they obviously biased announcers don't know how to handle it; NBC even ran a commercial for Michigan St!) it got me thinking about about all of Michigans WR. It seems like Michigan just churns out great (at the college level, anyways) wide receivers.
Michigan should bill themselves at WR U. You know what? I bet they do. That might explain why they get all those great wide outs
So if Michigan is WR U, what other schools can lay claim to being a position official school? I'm talking in recent memory. I don't have an exact date, mainly becuase I'm not looking rosters and years up - just recently, OK? This is off the top of my head. Like Desmond Howard doesn't count for Michigan.
Here we go.
Quarterback U.
The problem with this is that there are like 9 good quarterbacks in the NFL, and half of them played in the MAC. I guess you could say Cal; there's been a lot of hype around the Tedford quarterbacks, but they don't really do anything in the NFL.
I'm saying USC is now QB U. It started with Carson Palmer and his Heisman. Then Matt Leinart took it over, chilled with Nick Lachey (which everyone thought was cool as shit - isn't Lachey pretty much a pretty boy who emberrasses himself every time Cincinnati is on TV?) and won the Heisman. They even had Matt Cassell riding pine (which prepared him well for riding pine in the NFL). Now they plug John David Booty Call into the mix, and there's little drop off.
So either USC or Manning U. Pick one.
Auburn. Hands down. Rudi Johnson (hell of a weekend for the T-Birds, Rudi, hell of a week) started things off, then was followed by Cadillac and Ronnie Brown. Plus, Freakin' Huge Brandon Jacobs was there but transferred. Now they got that Irons guy beating the hell out of people.
You could make a pretty convicing argument for Miami, though: Portis, Edge, McGahee, now Frank Gore coming out of no where. Miami probably has better talent in the NFL, but in the last 5 years or so, I'd say Auburn has had a better class. The U really has fallen of lately, hasn't it?
Wide Receiver U.
As we said above, Michigan is at the top of the wide out class. Manningham and Breaston are already monsters. Then you got Braylon Edwards, Jason Avant, David Terrell, um...Marquis Walker...man, those wide outs really blow in the NFL. Oh Tai Streets! Wait, never mind...
Defensive Backs U.
The U. When I think of great secondaries, Miami is really the only school that comes to mind. Ed Reed, Antrelle Rolle, Sean Taylor, Philip Buchanon, Mike Rumph....um, I feel like there's more...But, yea, you aren't putting together a better secondary than that.
I don't know if their last 5 years has been that great at the postion - oh wait, it hasn't - but the last few years have been pretty good for Thee Ohio State University at 'backer. Brady's Quinn's sister's girlfriend/wife/baby momma was pretty good. So was Bobby Carpenter and that other guy I can never remember. Quite a trio. Now they got the Laurenitis guy (sounds like something you catch at the beginning of November - "Yea, that Laurenitis is goin' around...got me some Halls, though, I'm good, I'm good").
This is kind of like when they put Shaq on the NBA's 50th Anniversery Team: technically, he probably shouldn't have been on there, but it was going to be the right move a few years down the line. Same thing here. OSU is gonna be stacked there for years to come.
O-line and D-line U.
Um, I know like Orlando Pace and Julius Peppers. So Ohio State an North Carolina. Happy?
Monday, February 28, 2005
Things That Make Sense.
Ironically, the title of this post is the complete opposite of what the post is really about. But maybe that's just sarcasm; I've never been able to define irony, anyways.
Listen: there are a lot of stupid people in charge. A lot. And they come up with some pretty stupid shit. Here's some of the big ones:
- The 65 vs. 64 play-in game.
- The MLB All-Star game decides home field advantage in the World Series.
- The NBA's charge circle.
- The NBA Final's 2-3-2 format.
- Overtime in both pro and college football
Well I say no more. But that really isn't going to change anything. But let's keep track of all those dumb things, anyways because when you see them all lined up in a row, it's pretty impressive, in a "wow, that baseball stadium just got blowed up in four seconds" kind of way.
So the next time you see a dumb rule - that college football clock rule jumps to mind - or a stupid idea - MLB's steroid investigation fits - or just anything that doesn't make any sense, here's the place to immortalize it. OK, immortalize is too strong. But leave it in the comments and it will go in the little sidebar.
And hey, that's something, isn't it?
The G.O.A.T.s
I don't know if Earl Manigault started the whole "GOAT" stands for Greatest of All Time thing because his nickname was The Goat, or it is vice versa, or they two things have nothing to do with each other, but I always associate them together. So this list is in your honor, Earl.
This list recognizes, simply, the Greatest of All Time. Doesn't matter what the category is; the more creative the better.
Some categories are easy: reciever, for example. No one has ever done it better than my man Jerry Rice. Others are a little more difficult, like quarterback. I'm in the Montana camp: I say the rings speak for themselves; but if you are on the Marina bandwagon, I can see that argument, too.
Let's get a little more creative, though: What's the greatest catch ever? I say Gary Matthews Jr. scaling the wall. How 'bout the greatest cover of all time? Chris Duhon's meaningless three from three-quarters court to cover the spread but still lose the game against UConn had my boy sitting in an empty bathtub for hours with his hands covering his face - that's the GOAT in my book.
So what else is there? You come up with the category and the GOAT. Just make sure you give a decent reason why, and I will get it up on the sidebar. As of right now, it is the shortest list up there. Let's do something about that, shall we?
Please Go Away. Now.
I really don't like Mike Patrick. Not too many people realize this, but he is a worse Duke-slurper than the aptly named Dookie V.
It's hard to notice at first, because Vitale is so over the top that he is basically doing an impersonation of himself the whole time, but if you really pay attention, you notice than Patrick does nothing to stop Vitale from proclaiming Dook the reason behind all things sacred and in fact he actually promotes it.
He will praise anything Duke does, regardless of importance or circumstance. Dive on the floor up 30? Only a Dukie would have such heart. Take a charge down 30? Only Duke would continue to play with such vigor in so dire circumstances. Then he will make excuses everytime Duke screws up - it has been a pure joy hearing him search for reasons why Greg Paulus just dribble off his knee for the third time this half. And then he will slyly underhand anything Duke's opponent does. By the end of the game, he has ripped off his shirt to reveal a huge Duke-blue D painted on his chest and starts jumping in rhythm with the Cameron Crazies. It's pretty unbearable.
But he isn't the only announcer I can't stand. Paul McGuire comes to mind. ABC was so sick of him they stuck him in a crane and they still couldn't get rid of him. Or what about Skip Bayless? The man hates everyone and everything. Why so angry Skip?
But hey, it isn't just the media. Athletes are guilty, too. T.O. is a no brainer; but sly little pricks like Bruce Bowen aren't to be forgotten, either.
Once the names started piling up, I decided it was time to make a list of people who, for one reason or another, would probably make the world a better place if they would just go away. Now. Hence, the Please Go Away. Now List. We're very polite about it, which is all you can really ask for, I think.
So if you've got someone to add to the list - and really, who doesn't have at least ten - just post 'em here and I'll make sure they take their rightful place in the sidebar.
Oh, and Barbaro, too. I hate that damn horse.
Words People Thought and Then Made Into Sentences and Then Actually Said Outloud
If there is one thing that is for certain in the sports world - well, other than the fact that Isiah Thomas will turn whatever he touches into a catastrophe - it is that people will say ridiculous things.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to keep track of them? Yea, I thought it would too. So let's do that. If you come across a good quote - preferably from sports, but if it is that good, it really doesn't matter where it is from - just post it here and then I'll make sure it gets added to that list in the sidebar.
Doesn't matter if the quote is new or old. You can even paraphrase it if you just heard it and can't remember it word for word. I'll take care of the rest.
What kind of quotes are we looking for? Well, for a full list, take a peek at the sidebar. But here are some to get you started...
"The Bears are who we thought they were!" - Dennis Green
"He worries about what people say about him and he Googles himself." - David Wells on Bud Selig
"I'm hunting for little Mexican girls." - Karl Malone
"Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive." - Kim Etheredge
"Wells Fargo will contribute $5,000 to the 49ers Foundation to help under-served youth in the Bay Area for every 49ers touchdown scored this season. [Pause] There's going to be a lot of sad kids." - Joe Starkey, 49ers radio broadcaster
There you go: there are coaches, athletes, announcers, p.r. reps. Anyone will do. Basically, if they fill any of these requirements, they are golden:
1) If the speaker makes a statement and you can then imagine the person who signs the speaker's paychecks slamming their head repeatedly off of his or her desk, the quote is in.
2) You read a quote and have to ask yourself, "Wait...some one actually said that? Nu uh. That's made up." That's a quote I'd be interested in.
3) Anything that isn't a standard "We take 'em one game at a time" quote. Although Rasheed Wallace answering 102 straight questions with "Bof teams played hard my man" definitely qualifies.
So from now on, the second you hear someone say something ridiculous, you know just where to go. Word.
Free Passes
Listen: I don't know how to describe what The Free Pass List is.
Originally, it was supposed to be a list of people who were so cool that they could screw up and get a "free pass" for it. But then I realized I sounded like a sixth grade girl saying "you're so cool!" No good.
Then I thought a Point 23 Hall of Fame would be a good idea. But you have to do something pretty frickin' crazy to get into a Hall of Fame, and you have to do it for a pretty long time. Plus, you need like a committee and stuff, so that's out.
It was "The Cool Lunch" Table for a while, but then I remembered what my man Roy Williams had to say about being cool: ""I despise cool. I've never seen one frickin' person who was cool who I liked." Preach, Roy, preach.
Really, I don't know how to say this without sounding like an 11-year-old girl talking about a boy band, so here goes. The Free Pass List is just people - athletes, coaches, media members, entertainers, whatever - that are cool. There, I said it. Stop giggling.
Point 23 Approved? Friends of Point 23? You tell me. Really, I am open to suggestions. I'm kinda hoping it turns into one of those things that people will have forgotten what it actually means, but just say it because that's how they've always said it, like "shut up." If you think about it, that really doesn't make sense, and the first time someone said it, the other person probably did not stop talking, probably because they had to ask what "shut up" actually means. But now people say it all the time. I forget what I was talking about.
If you still don't know what I am talking about, and there is a very good chance you don't, scroll down the sidebars. Just look through the people already on there and hopefully you'll get a feel for what I am going for here. Then start submitting. The list is woefully out of date and there are tons of worthy folks out there who aren't on there just because I couldn't remember them, and I bet they feel pretty bad about it. So let's get 'em on there.
Sound good? Alright then, let's get to work. If you want to nominate someone, post it here and I'll make sure it finds its way onto the sidebar. Promise.
Oh yea: LeBron James, Jerry Rice and/or anyone associated with UNC Hoops is a given. Just so you know.
