The Picks: Week 11

Alright, Week 11. Some notes: Point 23 has no idea what the records are, he'll get around to adding them up next week sometime when he has time; Kilcs will be pulling a Constanza and picking the opposite of every game (which is completely against the spirt of this competition; no one can pick above .500, but whatever) and everyone will be mad at him; Mr. Em is on pace to break the record for most exlamation points in one season - handily; and Zero has a real job which requires him to put in mad hours this weekend, so he has no witty comments about Michael Vick being Ron Mexico or the Giants all balling (wait, yes, he did get in a ballin' reference - well done, Zero).

Onto the picks...

Oakland at Kansas City (-9.5)
Kilcs: Kansas City. Trent Green coming back may not be a great thing for KC. I thought they were rolling under Huard. Oakland's defense has been playing very very well actually against pretty good teams. 9.5 seems like a lot of points for a team that's been playing as competitvely on the defensive side of the ball as Oakland has.
Mr. Em: Raiders. Trent Green turned into a Celtic God since his injury, I see hearts coming out of analysts ears when they talk about him. OK, he's a solid player, but he'll be rusty against a tough Raider defense. Nine.5 points...tippy toe over thisa way!
Zero: Kansas City.
Point 23: Oakland. The TGC will not allow this. Oakland may win this game striaght up. Idiots, Kansas City, idiots. Seriously, Herm: Trent Green has not been good for some time now. I'm sure he'll be great coming off a half-season concussion. Just because you two are the same age is no reason to play him. And why is KC always the first game on the gambling docket? Anyone?

Cincinnati at New Orleans (-3.5)
Kilcs: New Orleans. Cincy's offense last week was what I thought it would be like all year. New Orleans just lost to a Steelers team that has beaten Miami and Kansas City all season long. Despite the fact that Cincy lost to San Diego (who i think is one of the favorites to win the super bowl), I think they're reight there and about to get over the hump.

Mr. Em: Saints. Who dey think gonna beat them them Bengals? The list grows to 6 on Sunday.

Zero: New Orleans.
Point 23: Cincy. It'll be a shootout, but it looks like that Bengals offense is finally clicking (also known as Carson Palmer Stopped Flinching Like a Sixth Grade Girl Every Time Someone Came Within Six Feet of his Knee Just Because He Had Some Pathetic Surgery.)

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Cleveland
Kilcs: Cleveland. Let me get this straight. Pittsburgh is a favorite against Denver and New Orleans in back to back weeks then all of a sudden, they're only 3.5 favorites against Cleveland? Something's fishy and it's Vegas being smarter than us again. The Steelers got back to what they do best last week and that is running the football. Their defense still struggled, but that shouldn't be a prblem against Chaz Frye and company.
Mr. Em: Steelers. Last meeting, 41-0 Steelers.
Zero: Pittsburgh
Point 23: Cleveland. Screw you, Pittsburgh defense. Friggin' busts. And um, Troy? Remember in sixth grade when they taught everyone that if you lead with your head, you are gonna get hurt? No? Well that makes sense then. While we're here, I think players should get a penalty for not getting off the pile more quickly during a fumble recovery. Its so freakin stupid. We know you don't have it, get up so we can figure this shit out.

Tennessee at Philadelphia (-13.0)
Kilcs: Philly. Tennessee played baltimore close last week and have been playing pretty well save one game since Vince Young has been given the reigns. Jeff Fisher always has his team prepared and they rarely get blown out, plus that dude that stomps on people's bare face with metal cleats is coming back. He weighs about 400 lbs, I can't imagine he would hurt them. 13 just seems like too many points for a team that's been fighting as hard as Tennessee has.

Mr. Em: Titans. Jeff Fisher's mustache will be juuuust enough to cover in this one.

Zero: Tennessee.
Point 23: Philadelphia. Donovan McNabb: 4 TDs (all to Reggie Brown) 401 yards, no picks. Yay.

Atlanta at Baltimore (-4.0)
Kilcs: Atlanta. Vick is done. He's toast. Baltimore got one of their stinker games out of the way last week and still came away with the victory. They can really almost seal the division if they win a couple of more games and Steve McNair is that gritty, veteran leader that everyone was hoping he would be in Baltimore. (On a serious note, I heard one of the ESPN talking heads say that he should be considered for MVP. Are you f*$(ing kidding me?! MVP is a 2 man race, Manning and LT and someone bringing up McNair's name is absolutely ludicrous).
Mr. Em: Falcons. The Mexican jumping bean seems to play best when you least expect it.
Zero: Atlanta.
Point 23: Baltimore. We have the most maddeningly inconsistant weapon in NFL history against the luckiest team in the NFL this season. Who the hell knows what can happen. I'll take the home team. No screw that, I'll take Atlanta. I forgot about Ray Lewis making shit up about racism and then being on the cover of SI as "God's Linebacker." Everyone except Ray and SI knows that he'll be burning in hell for eternity. I hate him more than any player in the NFL.

St. Louis at Carolina (-6.5)
Kilcs: Carolina. See Steve Smith. See previous Carolina picks. (there is a little bit of a contradiction here for me cause Steven Jackson is one of my horses too and I think that CArolina actually makes more sense, playing at home, no Orlando Pace, etc and my new reverse theory says I should take the Rams, but #1 rule is still Steve Smith)
Mr. Em: Panthers. Why did the Rams change their colors after they won the Super Bowl. First off, those yellow Ram horns were flippin sweet, second, you just don't do that after you win the title (and don't even come at me with the Arch excuse). It's no coincidence: the Penguins won Stanley Cups, and then changed to girly gold, and look what happened.
Zero: St. Louis.
Point 23: Carolina. Once again, this is purely to spite Simmons (who has been absolutely on fire lately. With the exception of that rambling Doc Rivers column, his last two months have been phenomenal. This is awesome.)

Buffalo at Houston (-2.5)
Kilcs: Buffalo. It's hard to pick the opposite when you don't know what you would pick normally. I think that I talked myself into going with Houston because they're playing at home and because Buffalo blows. David Carr played well at the beginning of the season and the running game has shown some signs of life. I can't name one player on their defense besides Mario Williams though. Anyone know a lineback that plays for Houston? I think Phillip Buchanon might play DB?
Mr. Em: Texans. Lyla's from Texas! <33333333>
Zero: Buffalo.
Point 23: Houston. I have never cared less about a game, ever.

New England (-6.0) at Green Bay
Kilcs: Green Bay. This is a classic, everybody is burying the Patriots, Brady and Belicheck which is apparently the worst thing anyone could ever do. "How many times have we said you can't write off the Patriots. This is why they are champions, blah blah blah." (Side note: Belichek or however u spell his name is a jerk. An absolute jerk. Mangini is supposed to be one of your proteges, you don't turn your back on him. Plato didn't turn his back on Aristotle nor Aristotle on Socrates or whichever way that goes or maybe they did. (How crazy is it that those 3 dudes, like the 3 smartest guys in a 2,000 yr span all hung out together)).
Mr. Em: Packers. There was a sale out at the mall, buy a Bill Bellicek sweatshirt and get 6 points, I bought it!!!!!!!
Zero: New England.
Point 23: Green Bay. I have no reasons here.

Washington at Tampa Bay (-3.0)
Kilcs: Washington. See Hous/Buffalo. I have no idea. Both these teams are done and you can stick a fork in both of them. They suck. No Portis, Jason Campbell getting the start on the road. Has to be tough right? Would think Tampa should be able to win, hence go with Washington.
Mr. Em: Two pitiful offenses here, so give me the under on this one, Bucs 2-0.
Zero: Washington.
Point 23: Washington. Jason Campell gets a little beginners luck. And you're telling me Tampa Bay couldn't find a QB better than Chris Simms and Brad Gradkowski? Not one single player? Chris Simms has sucked forever, why they hell were they going into the season with him? He'll never, ever, ever be good. Ever. And now they're stuck with his backup. For as smart as John Gruden allegedly is, he really screwed the pooch on this one.

Chicago ( -7.0) at NY Jets
Kilcs: Chicago. I'm kind of violating my rule here, but kind of not. The Jets have been playign a lot better than people expect, so people are now beginning to expect them to play well. Also, this pick has major fantasy implications as we here at Psychos camp, are hoping to make a historic playoff run led by Thomas Jones running all over the T-Birds. "Psychos T-Bone T-Birds" (hey that was kind of gay..you know that youtube clip with the announcer?)
Mr. Em: Bears. Two wins in two weeks at the Meadowlands for the Bears.
Zero: Chicago.
Point 23: Jets. Rex Grossman....stop your Michael Vick impersonation and either suck or be great. Enough of this in-between bullshit.

Minnesota at Miami (-3.5)
Kilcs: Minnesota. I've been rambling and I apologize. Miami is suddenly good again, Saban can coach again and they're "playing like one of the best teams in the league the past few weeks" ESPN people are so stupid sometimes. In the words of another stupid ESPNer, not so fast my friends.
Mr. Em: Dolphins. Low scoring, one touchdown might win this game.
Zero: Miami.
Point 23: Miami. Finally. I've been saying it all year - Minnesota sucks. Finally I have some proof. Minnesota sucks! (You can have that ! back later, Em.)

Detroit at Arizona (-2.5)
Kilcs: Detroit. Arizona has too much talent right? Detroit will be looking forward to their annual SuperBowl in November on Thursday. Larry Fitzgerald, welcome back. We've missed you. Unfortunately, Roy Williams goes down with a hammy in the first quarter after fumbling on a 1 yard hitch.

Mr. Em: Lions. Bring back Wayne Fontze!!! and give me the points!!!!!!!
Zero: Detroit.
Point 23: Arizona. What the hell happened to the Matt Leinart Bandwagon? Dennis Green is fucking it up, thats what. How 'bout this for a general rule: If your coach has one of the five worst post-game press conferences ever, he gets fired immediately. Michigan St. kept the legally insane John L. Smith around, where did that get them? Dennis Green shoulda been fired months ago, and there isn't a reason good enough to even defend him. This is why Arizona annually blows.

Seattle (-3.5) at San Francisco
Kilcs: San Francisco. Wait. Seattle just beat a good Rams team last week without Alexander the Great and Hasslebeck and they're only 3.5 pt favorites agsint SF with those 2? Easy money. Unfortunately for the Great, the Madden Curse does not end until the season is over. He comes back this week has 27 yards on 9 carries with a fumble and a reaggrivation of his foot injury.
Mr. Em: Seahawks. Mike Holmgren's belly will be too much for the 49ers to handle.
Zero: Seattle.
Point 23: Santa Clara. Why wouldn't I pick a team to cover a week after announcing it was leaving a city in which it had played forever and is going up agiant the reigning MVP in his long-awaited debut. And Frank Gore is the best active running back from The U. Also, can we stop calling it "The U"? They suck now, they don't deserve a nickname.

Indianapolis (-1.5) at Dallas
Kilcs: Dallas. Indy can't lose. They're too good. Nobody can beat them and 1.5 means all htey have to do to cover is win basically. Peyton Manning won't let them lose. Romo's playing out of his mind and will come back down to earth in his debut @ Texas Stadium. Julius Jones goes off and a befuddled Psychos coach says I hate the Jones brothers, they always screw you.
Mr. Em: Cowboys. Romo outduels Manning???? Yes!
Zero: Indianapolis.
Point 23: Indianapolis. Nick Buno-cunt-i is gonna be dissapointed this week. And for the rest of the season. Indy is goin undefeated and winning the Super Bowl. Frankly, Ol' Nick can't die fast enough for me.

San Diego at Denver (-3.5)
Kilcs: Denver. Denver has no offense to speak of. San Diego has scored 30 points in 6 of its 9 games and has the best RB in the league and one of the best QBs in the league. Their defense should be able to shut down Denver's offense and nobody can seem to shut down LT and company. Getting 3.5? Easy money.
Mr. Em: Broncos. Denver defends the run well, and LaDainian struggles against the Broncos.
Zero: San Diego.
Point 23: San Diego. Whale's vag. That's huge.

NY Giants at Jacksonville (-3.0)
Kilcs: Jacksonville. I think because the Giants are on TV a lot and they're in a major market, we have higher expectations for them. Everyone thinks that Eli is really good and he's just not playing well? What has he done to make us think this? Garrard and the Jax offense can't do anything and Fred Taylor's 43.
Mr. Em: Giants. Tiki torches the Jags.
Zero: New York. Ballin G-men.
Point 23: Jacksonville. Jax plays well on the big stage and it turns out Eli isn't that good yet. I was debating between drafting him and Donovan McNabb for my fantasy team. Glad I took McNabb. Well, not that it really matters, since my team defended its title worse than the Steelers, but at least I had a silver lining for the first five weeks.

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The Picks: Week 10

Well, at least we aren't all tied anymore. Here's the standing heading into Week Ten:

Point 23: 23-36-4
Zero: 27-37-4
Mr Em: 27-37-4
Kilcs: 26-38-4

Onto the picks...

Kansas City (-1.0) at Miami
Point23: Kansas City. The Trent Green Corollary is just too powerful. See ya in the Super Bowl, Houston.
Zero: KC. The Dolphins played well but Larry Johnson isn’t Thomas Jones and Damon Huard is at least consistently serviceable, eeeehh hmmm. Suck it Rex.
Mister Em: Dolphins. This game will be put in the hands of Damon Huard, whoages ago believe it or not, backed up Marino. Huard is good enough to reallytake advantage of teams that can't stop run because it opens up things inthe passing game, but he'll struggle against a team like Miami who willsomewhat contain Larry Johnson and force Kansas City to make plays in thepassing game. Miami will pound the ball with Ronnie Brown, and rely on theirdefense to win a close one at Dolphin Stadium. With all that said, gimme thepoint!
Kilcs: Miami. Here's my strategy for this week. Pick the opposite of what I convince myself is gonna happen. Vegas is so smart and they prey on people like us who think we know what we're tlaking about because one team played bad last week or the other has a rookie QB or whatever. They know what we know and use it against us. I think KC is gonna win this game, but Vegas knows better.

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5)
Point 23: The Trent Green Corollary is just too powerful. See ya in the Super Bowl, Kansas City.
Zero: Jackonsville. No seriously Rex, suck it.
Mister Em: Jaguars. Garrard's a solid player, and he'll win the Jaguars alot of games this season if he continues to start, but he's not taking thisteam to the Super Bowl. Jaguars are hot. Houston, you have a problem.
Kilcs : Houston. Jacksonville has been playing real well with Garrard at the helm. You would think that Jacksonville, trying to solidify a playoff spot will be firing on all cylinders and taking advantage of the Texans being the Texans.

San Diego (-1.0) at Cincinnati
Point 23: San Diego. Cincinnati is in the midst of imploding. There's just too much bad stuff going on there. I can't believe the frickin' Ravens are running away with this division.
Zero: San Diego, I think it means whale’s vagina. Wouldn’t it be funny if ocho-cinco had that on his jersey this week. The Bungals just aren’t getting it done this year.
Mister Em: Bengals. Give me the point! because 1. at Cincy and 2. it's amust-win game for them.
Kilcs: Cincy. Ladanian Tomlinson is hte best player in the NFL not named Peyton Manning. HE scores more TDs than everyone else, but he isn't doing it Jerome Bettis style, he's busting off 30 yard scores and making moves and dominating games. Cincy's run defense is suspect. Cincy.

Baltimore (-7.0) at Tennessee
Point 23: Baltimore. In a route, too. The Ravens have several things going for them: the best lucky streak since Ferris Buehler decided to skip school, Brian Billick's ego is growing exponentially, and Ray Lewis thinks that racists locked the door on Steve McNair in Tennessee (and then those same racists went and drafted Vince Young ahead of the poster child for the white race, Matt Leinart). I love how Ray Lewis can just make up racist allegations and no one bats an eye. Whatever; he'll play out of his mind. This could be a shutout.
Zero: Ravens. Vince Young meet Ray Ray. And I think the Ravens get the most bullshit points on defense, but every week they get them so I guess it’s a little more than luck.
Mister Em: Titans. Man Law: Do not bet against a home team getting 7+POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!
Kilcs: Tennessee. Baltimore'sa way better team than Tennessee is and Tennessee was exposed last week. Confuse Vince Young, make him beat you with his arm and he won't. Baltimore's defense is one of hte best in the league even with the status of Ed Reed and Ray Lewis up in the air.

Cleveland at Atlanta (-7.0 )
Point 23: Atlanta. I want to believe in Michael Vick. Make me believe, Mike, make me believe.
Zero: Atlanta. Mike Vick returns to form as serviceable Mike Vick, not I missed my herpes meds Mike Vick. I hope that Charlie Frye takes a page out of LBJ23’s book and throws a pick with 1:00 left in a seven point game and walks directly to the locker room.
Mister Em: Falcons. If the Browns keep playin' like this they're gonna turninto Ravens again.
Kilcs: Cleveland. Atlanta is very good, way better than what we saw last week against Detroit. Mike Vick will show up and be the Mike Vick that everyone is afraid he might be for the rest of his career and Cleveland's defense will continue its impressive ineptitude. Cleveland.

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5)
Point 23: Buffalo. I don't think indy has been covered one of these huge spreads all season, but people must still be picking them to cover, because Vegas won't stop posting them. With that historically atrocious run D and no real running threat, Indy just can't blow teams out. And London Fletcher-Baker will have a huge day.
Zero: Buffalo. This will be a ten point game. Why? I don’t know. Little bit of a let down week for the Colts after the big W last week. Plus its about time for Payton to only throw for about 220, 2 touches and 2 picks. Both touches of course to Reginald Wayne.
Mister Em: Colts. Willis McGahee is out, which negates the only advantagethey had over the Colts, which was running the football. Peyton Manning isamazing, it's so incredible when he throws an incompletion.
Kilcs: Buffalo. Indy at home against Buffalo will put up 35 points at least, right? And JP Losman playing from behind seems to spell interceptions for me. No McGahee either. And the Colts are one of the best regular season teams ever. 22-2 their last 24 regular season games or something, that's off the top of my head, it might be better.

Washington at Philadelphia (-7.0)
Point 23: Philly. Coming off a bye week? After all those close losses? Against an overrated washington secondary that let Byron Leftwich throw all over it? Donnie Mac is ' bout to go off. If he's done one thing his whole career, its bounce back. He'll bounce back this week.
Zero: Redskins. This would be a great week for Clinton Portis to pull out another character. Like say maybe, Rufus Merriweather, newly elected Senator that wants to be a special advisor to Portis in his spare time. Donovan F. needs to get his head out of his ass too.
Mister Em: Eagles. Andy Reid has never lost after the bye week with theEagles. And that has nothing to do with covering but it's a step in theright direction.
Kilcs: Washington. Washington just came off a huge win last week, but Joe Gibbs doesn't care. He's been watching Tony Stweart make left turns better than anyone else and wants to get back in that action. He was so emotionless after one of the craziest finishes I've ever seen. He's done. They're done. And Donnie McNabb @ home after laying an egg last time against Jax.

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5)
Point 23: Green Bay. For some reason, I find myself cheering for the Pack. Don't know why. Maybe it's Greg Jennings, maybe it's Favre's salt-and-pepper beard.
Zero: Sex Boat. Steve Hutchinson has really made the difference. Poison pill be damned.
Mister Em: Vikings. That hot girl on "The Fantasy Show" with the implants said the Packers will make a run at the playoffs. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Mewelde Moore will find the endzone in this game and Chester Taylor will run for 100 yards.
Kilcs: Minnesota. They've not played wlell the last two weeks, including an embarassing performance against the 49ers. This is really a nothing game. Neither of these teams matter at all. So I don't really care, but I think I would pick GB normally, so I'm going Minnesota this week.

New York Jets at New England (-10.5)
Point 23: New England. I think Belichik hates Mangina and is mad his son is smoking pot. I think he takes it out on the Jets. And whatever happened to Jericho Cotchery. I was deciding who to add to my fantasy team this season, and I picked Marques Colston over Cotchery - barely. Good move by me. I still suck, but it was a good move.
Zero: Pats. Well, the newly acquired Thomas V. Brady will bounce back with huuuuuge numbers this week. Plus the 2 headed monster of a RB will get them to the goal line everytime and then Brady will either throw it to one of this 6 TE’s or Mike Vrabel.
Mister Em: Patriots. New England hasn't lost back-to-back games since 2001(Mike and Tommy, just to remind you that was the year I said they'd make itto the Super Bowl over the Steelers and you said 0.0 percent chance). 2 more reasons: at New England, and Tom Brady is jacked.
Kilcs: Jets. New England is one of the best teams in the league. They've lost to Indy and Denver. They don't lose back to back games, esp at home. Plus the Hooded One is pissed at Mangina. Real pissed. He's gonna give it to him. Hard. Jets.

San Francisco at Detroit (-6.0)
Point 23: Santa Clara. That Detroit offense is kinda scary, but I've been picking the Niners irrationally all season. Why stop now?
Zero: SF. They have to win again sometime right. And they should go back to the old jerseys like they wore last week, those were always classics. Santa Clara what?
Mister Em: Lions. Roar! I just wanted to put "Roar" and leave it at that,but let's talk about something: 49ers throwback uniforms. They wore themlast week and of course they played awesome and won. Only the powder bluesof San Diego are better. John York has ruined this team and I guarantee he'sthe uniform picker guy.
Kilcs: San Francisco. Detroit just beat Atlanta, surely they can beat San Francisco by a TD, right? SF is horrible, they haven't played well for a while and Martz offense is clicking and Roy Williams is suddenly maybe the best receiver in the NFL (Marvin Harrsion for my $).

Denver (-9.5) at Oakland
Point 23: Last time they played, Denver kept it close. I see them doing the same thing again, which amazed me, considering how much Shanahan hates them. You think he'd blow them out, just for bitterness's sake. I guess that is the power of Jake Plummer.
Zero: Denver. I think Oakland blows a lot more than they showed the past couple weeks. Gimme Jay Cutler, he would make this team more exciting, I just don’t like Plummer.
Mister Em: Raiders. If Walters doesn't act like a little you know what Iactually like Oakland in this game. Doesn't he just remind you of a bleepinbleep. Raiders have a playoff defense and they played the Broncos toughearlier this year at Mile High, losing 13-3. If Oakland upgrades their linein the off-season (it's really surprising to me that their line is THAT badwith two hall of fame offensive lineman as coaches in Art Shell and Jackie"don't you dare call me AC" Slater) they could be a .500 team next year.
Kilcs : Oakland. The Raiders are so bad. A. Walter makes Raiders fans long for Aaron Brooks. Their D has played alright, but Denver has that running game that's great and Javon Walker's come back witha vengence and that play action game that they have is frightening.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-4.5)
Point 23: Is Myrone Cope setting these lines? How they hell is Pittsburgh favored? What do they have to do for people to realize they suck, lose to the Raiders?
Zero: NO. I can’t trust this Stiller team. I would never bet on them. They turn it over sooo much and you just don’t know what team is gonna show up. Kinda like the Heat. I take it they are only favored because they are at home.
Mister Em: Steelers. I just talked to Cowher's brother, Doug, on the phone. Sounds pretty upbeat.
Kilcs: Pittsburgh. I don't understand it. The Steelers are supposed to be good, but they aren't. They turn the ball over, they don't stop people on 3rd downs, they turn the ball over, they don't establish the running game the way that they should, they turn the ball over and they get burnt. New Orleans is a really good team and Pittsburgh hasn't beat a really good team, much the less by 5.

St. Louis at Seattle (-3.0)
Point 23: Seattle. Seneca Wallace and Mo Mo Morris rule.
Zero: St. Louis bounces back and stays in the play-off hunt. Seneca Wallace and Mo-Bam Morris can’t get it done this week. Sorry for these shits being so short, I haven’t had a chance to watch too much football lately and I apologize.
Mister Em: Rams. This is another one of those fantasy picks. I have Wilkins,my opponnent has Bulger and Holt, 9-0 Rams.
Kilcs: Seattle. No Hasslebeck, no Alexander? I'll take my chances with Bulger and Jackson and Holt. (Wow 3 great fantasy players, which is what people follow most maybe, I bet people bet on the Rams way more than they should). Seneca Fallacy is exposed.

Dallas (-7.0) at Arizona
Point 23: Arizona. Matt Leinart owns Tony Homo. Plus, he went on a "date" with Jessica Simpson. If that's not the touch of death, I don't know what is. Romo will be writing crappy loves songs in a month.
Zero: Dallas. They beat the Suns the other night, the Cards have too many ouchies on D too.
Mister Em: Cardinals. See: Man Law.
Kilcs: Arizona. I still think Dallas is a way better team with Romo than with Bledsoe. TO dropped a ball last week that would have put the game away. The handled the Panthers, who are a very good team, on the road. Arizona just isn't that good and Edge James, man what happened to him? ACL injuries are crazy. Before he got hurt back in like 2000, he was freaking unbelievable. He had a few good years since then but a shell still, and now he's a shell of the shell.

Chicago at NY Giants (Even)
Point 23: Chicago. There's so many players out, I don't even know what to make of this game. Tiki annoys me to no end, so I'll say the bears. And yes, Grossman can suck it.
Zero: Giants. Did I mention Rex Grossman can suck it?
Mister Em: Bears. Giants are banged up at a number of positions, mostnotably at wide receiver with Toomer and Plax hurt. You have to be at fullstrength against a physical team like the Bears. Watching one your fantasyplayers play the Bears is scarier than Nightmare on Elm Street. You don'teven want your guy to score, you just want him to get outta there without abroken torso.
Kilcs: Chi-Town. Mark it down.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-9.5)
Point 23: Tampa Bay. Gruden will keep it close. And the chances of me watching Studio 60 instead of this game is about 1:1.
Zero: Panthers. Steve Smith shows the entire nation who the best receiver in the L is. My guess is Mike Jordan in the booth.
Mister Em: Panthers. Nothing beats watching football and Child's Play at the same time. Here's to hoping this week's MNF game is as good as last week's!
Kilcs: Carolina. My love for Carolina trumps all. Steve Smith for life.

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The Picks: Week 9

Look at the parity heading into Week 9:

Point23: 22-28-4
Kilcs: 22-28-4
Mr. 'Em: 22-28-4
Zero: 22-28-4

That's pretty remarkable, isn't it? Well, remarkable in the sense that all four of us have identical records and that's pretty improbable; not remarkable in like...you know, being remarkable. Well under .500. Poor effort by us. We should have to run some laps or something.

I think our records would be a little better if I would stop irrationally picking the 49ers, if Mr. 'Em would stop irrationally picking the Dolphins (0-7 against the spread. 0-7!), if Kilcs didn't let his fantasy players make his picks for him and if Zero stopped picking NBA games.

But hey: we ain't quitters. This week is dedicated to Avis: we try harder!

I'd like to take the time to dedicate the next four weeks to Shawne Merriman. I know I'll miss his Lights Out dance, which doesn't even look like he's turning out the lights.

Onto the picks...

Kansas City at St. Louis (-2.0)
Point23: Kansas City. I don't know why the Chiefs are good, but apparently they are. And yes, this is a spite pick because Simmons pissed me off. (Say what you will about Simmons - and I have - but no one previews the NBA better than he does. And his Friday NFL columns are the best. I wish he'd just stick to that stuff and not be so condescending all the time.)
Kilcs: St. Louis. Kansas City seems to be two different teams depending on where the game is played. Despite the fact that Huard is proving himself ot be a competend NFL QB and Larry Johnson is returning to form, I think the Rams have too much fire power on offense and will win in a high scoring affair.
Mr Em: Rams. Damon Huard has been playing like a Pro Bowler (Steelers game excluded) since he's replaced Trent Green, and I believe he's earned the starting job (8 tds, 1 int, 100.4 rating). Teams haven't been able to put 8 in the box to stop LJ because of Huard's effectiveness, and Kansas City's run game has benefited from that significantly. Neither team will be able to stop the other in this game, but I like the Rams because of home field advantage and I believe their offense can match whatever number KC puts up.
TheNumberZero: St. Louis. I think that the all-night-partying-with-porn-stars-Chiefs team is gonna show up. Herm Edwards can’t be too happy about that.


Cincinnati at Baltimore (-3.0)
Point23: Cincinnati. The Ravens have the most overrated secondary in the NFL. Ocho Cinco and TJ Doushmanzadeh expose it and completely ignore Rudi Johnson in the process. Do you think he gets pissed after the game when they are all hanging out? I bet he just sits there all quiet, but one of these times, he's gonna snap.
Kilcs: Cincy. Baltimore just whipped New Orleans, but I think the next few weeks will show that the Saints aren't the team that everyone hoped they would be. I think the Bengals have the most talent in the AFC North and their D will cause some turnovers.
Me Em: Ravens. Ocho Cinco might be turning into a Bengal Tiger, but he still plays like a pussycat. Ravens will control the game by winning the battle in the trenches, and like Jaws says, that. is. why. they'll win this game.
TheNumberZero: Baltimore. If you can win at the Saints, then you can beat the Bengals at home.

Houston at NY Giants (-13.0)
Point23: Giants. I think there's a very real chance to Brandon Jacobs shatters someones helmet with his knee in this game. I know this isn't anything new. but Jacobs is huge. I can't get over it. Its like the Giants suited up Dwight Howard.
Kilcs: NY. David Carr at the Meadowlands after being pulled for Sage Rosenfels. Not exactly a lot to be excited about if you're a Houston fan. At least Reggie Bush isn't as goodin real life as he is in Madden. The Giants are my pick for the 2 seed in the NFC playoffs.
Mr Em: Oilers. Put the damn oil rig back on the helmet already, Texans is just plain stupid. Giants have covered in their last four games. Houston's a bad, bad, bad team. One thing I've learned about the NFL is to expect the unexpected. So get naughty and slap them points on me!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: NY Giants. Baaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllinnnnnnn.

Tennessee at Jacksonville (-9.5)
Point23: Tennessee. If Jacksonville plays Atlanta, does the universe implode? I have no idea what either of those two teams are made of. I just don't see David Gerrard beating a team - any team - by 10.
Kilcs: Tennessee. Jacksonville is more the team that they were against Philly than the team they played against the Texans a couple of weeks ago, but they don't blow teams out. Ten points is still a lot in the NFL and the Titans have played very competitive football since the Indy game. That continues on Sunday.
Mr. Em: The Jaguar bushes. I really like the Jaguars defense, and Garrard can get outside of the pocket and make some plays with any of his limbs. Freddy Taylor still has some gas in his tank, but I really think Maurice Jones-Drew is going to be a stud in this league for years to come.
TheNumberZero: Jacksonville. By 10. As long as fatty Leftwich isn’t playing. He can’t even make it over the wall on Battle of the NFL Superstars.

Dallas (-3.0) at Washington
Point23: Washington. Because it makes no sense, that's why.
Kilcs: Dallas. Joe Gibbs will be back in NASCAR next year and Bill Parcells might not be on the sidelines either, but Romo has rejuvenated him as well as TO. Dallas wins this and creates some separation between the haves (Dallas and NYG) and have nots (Wash and Philly) in the NFC East.
Mr. Em: Cowboys. Dallas finally has what the Redskins cannot defend, and that is the pass. The Cowboys went from a team that looked like they had no chance of making the playoffs against the Giants and Panthers (for a quarter and a half), to a team that realistically can win their division.
TheNumberZero: Dallas. I like the fact that the entire NBA is sponsored by adidas. I think that is gonna be a good move. I like the three stripes on the back of the warm-ups and on the ref shirts.

Green Bay at Buffalo (-3.0)
Point23: Green Bay. I can't believe Buffalo is favored in this game. Did I miss something? I think Louisville could beat Buffalo.
Kilcs: Green Bay. Get on the bandwagon. With the way the NFL is set up, bad teams play other bad teams. So the better of the bad teams will wind up with a respectable record at the end of the season. Favre throws 3 more TDs and inches closer to breaking Skinny's record. Go Deep! (Papa John's!) (What a sellout Marino's become)
Mr Em: Buffalo. Logic tells Mr. Em to take the Packers given their 3-0 record against terrible teams - Lions, Dolphins, and Cardinals, but Mr. Em says the hell with logic! I don't want the points!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Cheeseheads. What a boring game. Jennings better play and have 2 scores and 150 yards.

New Orleans (-1.5) at Tampa Bay
Point23: New Orleans. When someone says "Tampa Bay" my first thought is John Gruden and then...blank. I don't think that's a good thing. (OK, Ronde Barber, Cadillac, Gradkowski. Yea. That's a lot better, isn't it?)
Kilcs: Tampa Bay. If Reggie Bush doesn't play, New Orleans is a totally different team. He's not as good as he is in Madden in real life, but he makes defenses have to be aware of him. Even if he does play, Tampa's due for a win at home and I think that Caddy has a semi-break out game this week.
Mr. Em: Bucs. After getting off to a rocky start, the Bucs have won 2 straight games at home against decent teams - Cincy and Philly. Tampa will avenge their 24-21 loss at New Orleans earlier this year. Just gimme that point and a half!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Saints. Rebound. Speaking of rebounding, how bout D-Ho. I think that if he was on the National Team then they win it all. He would eat Baby Greek Shaq up and shit him out to look like Ala Abdenaly.

Atlanta (-5.5) at Detroit
Point23: Atlanta. Michael Smith wrote a pretty good piece - which I happen to agree with - saying that Manning and Brady will eventually be the two greatest QBs of all time. But if Mike Vick continues to pass like he has the last two games, he'll be the greatest weapon ever unleashed on pro football. Ever. There's no feasible way to defend him. And Michael Smith is the only redeemable person on ATH besides Reali.
Kilcs: Atl. The league should start to be afraid, very afraid. Mike Vick has become just ridiculous in the past couple of weeks. Currently ATL is a 26:1 shot to win the superbowl, if the steelers didn't screw me last week, I'd lay some money on them. And surely, a SuperBowl contender can beat the Lions by 6, right?
Mr Em: Falcons. Vick's playing the best football of his career, making plays in and out of the pocket. Detroit's looking forward to playing on Turkey Day once again, which for the 10th consecutive year, will be the only game that matters for them late in the season.
TheNumberZero: Falcons. The Pistons suck, no seriously I think they win 43 games this year and lose in the first round. Rasheed might not even play in that many games. They need a new coach, maybe Dumars can hire Matt Millen.

Miami at Chicago (-13.5)
Point23: Chicago. Are you kidding me? After last week? They couldn't set this line high enough. They could have set it at 28 and I'd still take the Bears.
Kilcs: Chicago. They are one of those good teams that blow out bad teams, not just beat them. The defense has been incredible at home (on the road for that matter too) and the Dolphins don't have any real weapons that they utilize in any effective manner. The spread will be covered by halftime.
Mr Em: Dolphins. The Miami Dolphins need to put complete focus on covering the spread (0-6-1) before they can think about winning a game (1-6). I've picked Miami in every football competition I've been in this year (i.e. gambling, fantasy football) and if I pick against them I know they'll royally screw me and cover. So with that said, I'll take the flippin' Dolphins once again, Bring back Skinny!!!!! and Give me the POINTS!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Bears. This line should be in the 20’s. Miami can’t score against a normal team, let alone this team. This could be worse than Heat-Bulls and that’s saying something.

Minnesota (-5.0) at San Francisco
Point23: San Fran. Bounce back game for the Niners; Minny can't recover from the beatdown on MNF. Plus, they suck. Somehow they have a good record, but they suck. I really believe this.
Kilcs: SF. They played decently in the beginning of the year and I think that the Patriots might have exposed the Vikes a little bit. This whole game managing thing by a QB is nice and all but it's good to have your QB make some plays too. Brad Johnson is solid, but doesn't make many plays. Minnesota may win but I think SF will cover.
Mr. Em: Vikings. Minnesota can't give up on the run like they did after the first quarter in that Monday night thrashing. They should be able to run the ball on the 49ers.
TheNumberZero: Vikings. You want me to talk about football, No. The T-Wolves are for real this year. You think that it’s about me. It’s about the power of 5. Your not a fool. Are you?

Cleveland at San Diego (-12.5)
Point23: San Diego. I just hope Marty doesn't have LT running up the score in the fourth quarter. He's gonna get hurt one of these times, Marty.
Kilcs: Cleveland. San Diego is definitely going to win this game. Definitely. But I think that Cleveland will play them close for some reason. Much to my dismay, Kellen Winslow is real good and I think he'll make some plays to keep it respectable.
Mr. Em: Chargers. It's true! Spread the good news....there IS a FANTASY GOD!!!! Next thing you know, dude's gonna be speakin' in tongues.
TheNumberZero: Browns. Here I come. Cannnnnnonballllllllll. You can’t beat the Browns by just training in a pool Phil, you just can’t do it.

Denver at Pittsburgh (-3.0)
Point23: Denver. Tom Brady couldn't pass on Denver, something is telling me Big Ben may struggle. Just thinking out loud here.
Kilcs: Denver. Is this really the right line? Are you sure? I realize I'm bitter that the Steelers burned me by not beating Oakland by 2, but there has been no reason to believe they can beat a good team. They've been close, but haven't done it yet all year. They have beat Miami and KC.
Mr. Em: Steelers. The past two weeks were must win games for the Steelers. You have to look at this as an elimination game if your Pittsburgh, because 10 wins doesn't guarantee you a playoff berth in the competitive AFC.
TheNumberZero: Denver. I have no other reasoning then me not trusting Big Ben right now. That’s it. Plus Pittsburgh needs an NBA team. Like soon. C’mon Cuban, let’s see what you can do.

Indianapolis at New England (-3.0)
Point23: Indianapolis. I know, I know. Brady owns Manning. The Colts can't stop the run; NE has a great power running game. Its at New England. I know all this. Really, I do. I just think Manning does it this year. I apologize in advance. And if I'm wrong, I'll blaze with Belichik's son.
Kilcs: New England. Indy's run defense bothers me and Belichik and Brady are 6-1 or 7-1 against Manning. Manning, more than any QB, can play a perfect game, but it's hard to play a perfect game every week. New England will win, but this is a great game.
Mr Em: Patriots. This comes down to fantasy football ethics. I have Brady and Maroney, my competitor has Manning.
TheNumberZero: New England. This will be a shootout and probably one of the best games of this year. Go Reggie Wayne.

Oakland at Seattle (-7.0)
Point23: Oakland. Three in a row, baby! Yea!
Kilcs: Seattle. Seneca Wallace didn't suck at KC. I think he'll play decent at home and Oakland's offense is still putrid, even though they've won 2 games now. Their defense cannot win 3 games in a row for them.
Mr Em: Raiders. When your not sure what your going to get out of either team, you quite simply (let's say it together now) TAKE THE POINTS!!!!!!!!!!
TheNumberZero: Oakland. What a horrible MNF game. I guess with such a great Sunday night game they had to make this one shitty.

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Week Eight: The Picks

Houston at Tennessee (-3.0)
Point23: Houston. Little Davey Carr is growing up right in front of our eyes!
Mr. Em: Houston. If this game was played at Houston, the line would be reversed, which really goes to show you how much oddsmakers think of home field in the NFL. Carr will be looking for Andre Johnson all day long, and both will have a big day against a pass defense that, well, can't defend the pass.
Kilcs: Tennessee. I'm so sure of this game that I typed Tennessee, deleted it. Typed Houston deleted it. Typed Tennessee, deleted it. Then typed Tennessee again. I think Henry is and always has been a good back and he's making things a lot easier on Vince.
Zero: Tennessee. Take me to another place, Take me to another land, Make me forget all that hurts me, Let me understand your plan.

Jacksonville at Philadelphia (-7.0)
Point23: Philly. Can everyone get the hell off Donovan's back, please? Seriously. Shut the hell up. I sound like an obsessive girlfriend, but I don't care. Everyone shut the hell up.
Mr. Em: Jacksonville. The Jags performance last week pushed this line up higher than it should be. Their defense isn't as dominant as prognosticators thought in the early weeks, but it's not as bad as how they played in Houston last week.
Kilcs: Jacksonville. They're definitely better than they played last week, right? And Philly did just lose to Tampa.
Zero: Illadelph. Donovan F. is gonna have a huuuge day.

Atlanta at Cincinnati (-4.5)
Point23: Atlanta. I give up, Ron Mexico. I have no idea if you are good or not. You got me. I quit.
Mr. Em: Cincinnati. Chad Johnson's literally turning into a Bengal - THAT is Crazy!
Kilcs: Cincy. I absolutely believe in Ocho-Cinco, and watching Cincy, they really are close to clicking, like everyone thought they were. Palmer is just missing throws to open receivers and 85's guaranteeing big things (Ocho Cinco) and Thug Henry will be back and Atl's defense may be gashed.
Zero: Dirty Birds. I think that Stees win may have pushed them over the top.

Tampa Bay at NY Giants (-9.0)
Point23: Tampa Bay. Tiki is a quitter! Yea, Michael Irvin's right! Freakin quitter, you are Tiki.
Mr. Em: Tampa Bay. Two teams that rely heavily on defense and running the football. Tick tock goes the clock, I 'll take the points.
Kilcs: Giants. Giants are on quite the roll.
Zero: Giants. I never thought I would ever see Jay-Z and Dale Earnhardt Junyah in the same care. What is this world turning into.

San Francisco at Chicago (-16.5)
Point23: San Fran. Gimme a break, Vegas.
Mr. Em: Chicago. Bears are rested after their hibernation and will be out to prove the Cardinals game was a fluke. Buonoconti and the '72 Dolphins must wait another week.
Kilcs: Chicago. They haven't allowed more than 13 points at home in like two years i think. I don't think they let up more than 10 and I think Rex brings Sexy back.
Zero: Bears. I'm making this pick just so my confidence in SexyBack8 is up for this week.

Arizona at Green Bay (-3.5)
Point23: Arizona. Last week was a fluke. Leinart will scorch that Ahmad Carroll-less Pack secondary.
Mr. Em: Arizona. I'm glad I don't live in the Arizona or Green Bay area, I don't know what I'd do if this was the regional TV game I had to watch.
Kilcs: Green Bay. They're one of the better bad teams, I think.
Zero: Emerald Bay. They'll show up. Edge's head is somewhere in the north pacific I think.

Seattle at Kansas City (-6.5)
Point23: Kansas City. If San Diego can't win in KC, then I don't think the Seattle JV team is gonna be able to pull it off either.
Mr. Em: Kansas City. Seattle has had problems running the ball all season, now they're not going to be able to run or throw.
Kilcs: Kansas City. Who would have predicted this line a month ago, but this is about right whne Seattle's playing with Mercury Morris' illegitimate son @ RB and Seneca Wallace at QB. He played WR last year in the playoffs. And KC just beat San Diego, a legit good team with all their stars, 'roids and all. (With all that logic though, it seems like there's too many reasons to pick KC and they won't cover, but I'm picking them anyways.)
Zero: KC, and the sunshine band. Seneca who?

Baltimore at New Orleans (-2.0)
Point23: New Orleans. In the Dome? Only 2? Cripes, the Dome is worth at least a touchdown and a field goal. And maybe even a safety. Speaking of safeties, did anyone see Jeff Fisher last week when the Titans got a safety? I don't think he knows what the hand sign for safety is. He was making the "Big Vagina" sign from Curb Your Enthusiasm. It wasn't even close to the safety sign, and it was awesome.
Mr. Em: New Orleans. And who doesn't know the reason?
Kilcs: New Orleans. @ New Orleans. 'Nuff said.
Zero: NO. Baltimore couldn't get a first down against the Cash Money Millionaires Point23 says: as I read this, the CMM were playing in the background, and I hadn't heard them in years. That's creepy).

St. Louis at San Diego (-8.5)
Point23: San Diego. Merriman only has two games left before the NFL says "lights out." He'll play like it. Run for your life, Marc. And spell your name with a 'k,' too, you pompous ass.
Mr. Em: Saint Louis. 8.5 points + Rams offense = Cover.
Kilcs: St. Louis. Torry Holt continues his great season. Way better than Tiki so far. SD wins though.
Zero: Um, Chargers. I have a feeling there is gonna be a safety in this game. Shawne Merriman and his roided ass will be involved.

Pittsburgh (-9.0) at Oakland
Point23: Pittsburgh. Troy Palamalu will outscore the Raiders offense. Mark it down.
Mr. Em: Pittsburgh. A must win for the defending champs.
Kilcs: Pittsburgh. Batch/Roethlisberger/Anyone not named Tommy Maddox and Pittsburgh covers this, easily. Another must win game for a talented team against a garbage team.
Zero: Steel City. Large Benjamin or not, they still roll tide, roll.

NY Jets at Cleveland (-2.0)
Point23: Jets. That's crazy Cleveland is favored.
Mr. Em: Cleveland. This is the beginning of the Jets coming back to reality.
Kilcs: Jets. Cleveland's offense is anemic. Jets offense is not so anemic.
Zero: Ohio State. I mean the Jets.

Indianapolis at Denver (-3.0)
Point23: Indy. Denver was getting away with hiding Jake Plumer all year. He's gonna have to make some plays this week. in other words, Denver loses. Plus, Indy is so trendy this year.
Mr. Em: Denver. The Broncos have exactly what it takes to beat the Colts: a running game to control the clock (Indy is ranked 31st against the run) and a defense that can limit Peyton Manning.
Kilcs: Indy. Denver's real good this year, on defense at least. But every time these teams meet in the playoffs, the Colts win by 30. I think they should be able to not lose by more than 3. And obviously, Peyton isn't very easy to rattle, I think the Colts are still undefeated after this week.
Zero: Indy. Why is Denver favored? Payton Chessning still plays for them right?

Dallas at Carolina (-5.5)
Point23: Carolina. Tony Romo is hyper like Joey Harrington and releases the ball funnier than Philip Rivers.
Mr. Em: Carolina. I still don't understand why Parcells didn't try using Bledsoe out of the shotgun. The Panthers defense will take full advantage of an inexperienced Tony Romo.
Kilcs: Carolina. I'll pick them every week, they're real good against the number. Tony Romo, welcome to the NFL, courtesy of Julius Peppers. This game's a slam dunk! (Ha, get it Peppers, dunk?)
Zero: Carolina. Steve Smith, Steve Smith.

New England (-3.0) at Minnesota
Point23: New Englad. I hate Minnesota. They'll probably do something chintzy like get a safety with 23 seconds left to cover.
Mr. Em: Minnesota. The Vikings will run behind Hutchinson all night long. Should be a back and forth game with a ton of fantasy points scored by Taylor and Brady (yes!).
Kilcs: New England. It seems too easy? I think New England wins by two scores.
Zero: NE. Just so you know, I don't like seeing everyone elses picks and some week I'm going to F this document so hard that you will hate me. Just for a little though.

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Week Seven Picks

Before we get started, a little apology. Pick Em was quite furious that I misposted his record. I forget what I said it was earlier, but it was off by a win. So: my apologies, Mr. 'Em.

Here's the correct records heading into Week Seven. I think:

Kilcs............. 13-11-3
Point23........ 12-12-3
Zero.............. 11-13-3
Pick 'Em....... 10-14-3

Wow. Inching towards respectability there. Onto the picks...

San Diego (-5.5) at Kansas City
Zero: Zero: San Diego...Suuuupa Chaghas. God, I hate Berman. LT and Phil say Your With Me, Herman.
Kilcs: San Diego. Last week teams I was sold on were 0-2. I don't think it'll be 0-3. Chargers D led by Lights Out will shut down LJ and any time you put a game on Brock Huard (or is it Damon's?) shoulders, that's no good. Rivers is becoming as dangerous as LT, no more 8 in the box.
Pick Em: Kansas City. Chiefs split the series with the Chargers last season, but only allowed 7 points in the game at Arrowhead. Tomlinson only rushed for 118 yards in those two games, and didn't find the end zone. When LT struggles, the Chargers struggle. Give me the points!!!
Point23: San Diego. Larry Johnson keeps up his as-predicted bust as a fantasy running back. And I hope Marty leaved LT in when the Bolts are up 21 again and he gets hurt, just because Marty is an idiot for doing that last week. (Jus' playin', LT - we love your work.)

Jacksonville (-10) at Houston
Zero: This is a hard game. Jacksonville is coming off the bye week. Houston's season is basically a roller coaster ride where you have to be a DE from N.C. State to ride. They are the Texans though. Jacksonville, 21-10
Kilcs: Houston. Jacksonville will be without Matt Jones, I'm not sure why that matters, but they will be. I think Houston's due for another close loss. They probably are wishing they woulda taken # 25 though.
Pick Em: Houston. Jaguars will win this game, I expect them to get to jump on the Texans early and then rely on their defense and running game. I still think a TD and FG is too much, so I'll take THE POINTS!!!
Point23: Houston. C'mon now...Jacksonville isn't that good. I know Houston's record sucks, but I think they are semi-respectable. Certainly not 10 point dogs.

New England (-6) at Buffalo
Zero: The first game this year was a fluke. Brady and Co. disassemble the Bills. I say and company because no one other than the two RBs are really all that marektable. Brady and Gabriel. No. Brady and Brown. Sounds too much like Brown and Bubbly. Pats by 2 scores.
Kilcs: Buffalo. New England will win straight up, but Buffalo plays these guys tough all the time. And every week there are games where the better team will definitely win, but they won't definitely cover, this is one of those games for me this week.
Pick Em: New England. Brady struggled mightily in his week 1 matchup against the Bills. Here's to betting that doesn't happen twice.
Point23: New England. Chad Jackson: remember the name. And Laurence Maroney's stiff arm is illegal in 21 states.

Pittsburgh (-3) at Atlanta
Zero: Steelers. Have you seen Big Ted in that FatHead commercial. He really doesn have a fat head, the perfect spokesperson for those FatHead's, which are actually whole bodies, so its kinda false advertising.
Kilcs: Pittsburgh. Nobody runs on the Steelers. Polamalu and the fast linebackers will be able to keep Vick in check running around and I think that Najeh Davenport is a helluva complement to Parker. Steelers roll.
Pick Em: Pittsburgh. This line opened at 1.5, so it looks like a lot of people are taking the Steelers, either that or Tommy's fudgin' lines. Vick proclaims he's a pure passer, and he'll have to be in this game because you do not run against Pittsburgh. I don't believe in Vick's arm.
Point23: Pittsburgh. When a top-notch D takes on an incredibly one dimensional offense, bad things happen for that offense. ATL's WR's can't catch; Vick can't throw: not a recipe for success. Vick is so good at one-hopping 10 yard passes; he should throw ground ball practice for the Braves.

Philadelphia (-6) at Tampa Bay
Zero: Eagles in a tight game. Go Bruce.
Kilcs: Philly. Eagles D puts tons of pressure on QBs. The youngster Gradkowski has handled things well so far in his first two starts, but he can't keep up with the points that McNabb, the MVP leader, will put up.
Pick Em: Tampa Bay. After getting off to a rough start this year, Tampa has been in position to win each of their last 3 games. They lost two of them by a total of 5 points, so expect a close one at Raymond James Stadium. I want the points!
Point23: Philly. In a route, too. Bruce Gradkowski will be seeing Jim Johnson's vaunted blitz package in his dreams for weeks. Random prediction: Lito Sheppard: Two picks, one score.

Detroit at NY Jets (-3.5)
Zero: Still going against Simmons, Go LIONS.
Kilcs: Detroit. I think this makes 3 weeks in a row that I've picked against the Jets and I'm not sure I've won either of the other 2, but I think they're terrible for some reason. I also think that Detroit's gonna end up with a respectable 5-6 wins. I think they win this straight up.
Pick Em: Jets. This should be an entertaining game considering these two teams don't realistically have a shot at the playoffs. Lions have had trouble winning period, but they have really struggled on the road. They're off to another great start this year, posting an 0-3 record on the road this year, gotta take those Jets.
Point23: Jets. I have no confidence in that pick whatsoever. I can't believe they even scheduled this game. This is like the hypothetical who would win between a shark or a lion. Well, maybe a poodle or a prairie dog.

Green Bay at Miami (-5)
Zero: Wow. As long as Greg Jennings and Ronnie Brown have 2 TDs a piece then I dont care who wins, but that really defeats this whole purpose. Green Bay.
Kilcs: Miami. Running game stepped up for Miami last week and Favre's due for a Favre (2003-present) game with about 4 turnovers.
Pick Em: Miami. The Dolphins are really killing me this year. Not only are they my favorite team, but they are 0-5-1 against the spread. If your not gonna win, please cover in a game or two. They're due.
Point23: Green Bay. There's been some insane lines this year: Indy's NCAA-like -19; SF bouncing back from a 30 point only to be a 3 point favorite the next week; now we have an atrocious Miami team as a 5 point favorite. You can have Joey Harrington, thanks. No really. He's all yours.

Carolina at Cincinnati (-3.5)
Zero: This should be a pick 'em game. Panthers defense is too much. Chad Johnson and Hoosh get arrested at half time for doing blow, Omar Gooding-Playmakers style.
Kilcs: Carolina. See last week. See Stevon Smith.
Pick Em: Carolina. Cincy has two starting offensive lineman out this week, and Carolina has one of the best front four's in the league. We'll take the points!
Point23: How the hell is Cincy favored in this game? Carolina wins this thing outright, because Mr. Turnover Machine Carson Palmer fumbled about nine times, eight of which are caused by the completely unblockable and wildly inarticulate Julius Peppers.

Denver (-5.5) at Cleveland
Zero: Melo v. Bron. I got the Cavs.
Kilcs: Cleveland. Denver only beat Oakland by 10 at home. I think Cleveland will play an inspired game, maybe they'll actually score a TD on Denver, something only the Pats have accomplished so far and will keep it close, but lose.
Pick Em: Denver. Denver's allowed one touchdown in five games, and they only give up 7.4 points per game. That's amazing stuff.
Point23: Cleveland. Denever will win by a field goal because they only do enough to win. And I said this before Simmons, you can ask Patty - I told him exactly this in my 11 am Essay Writing class.

Washington at Indianapolis (-9.5)
Zero: Indy. Mark Brunell is old, real old. And the Colts have some guy named Booger right now.
Kilcs: Indy. Their offense is due for a breakout day. And seeing as the Psychos play Peyton this week, well sure enough he'll throw 5 touchdowns in the first half. Although Travis Henry ran all over them a few weeks ago, maybe Portis can lead a ball control attack for the Skins? Na. Psychos badness continues, Manning, Manning and Manning.
Pick Em: Indianapolis. I have too much $ on this game to pick otherwise.
Point23: Indy. Let the Jason Campbell era begin. And while we're here: I don't get head coaches giving up the play calling duties. Isn't that what they are paid to do? I guess - I guess - I can see it if he's a defensive guy and he's calling the defenses...but I don't think Gibbs falls into that category, either. So what the hell is he doing? Why is he getting paid? Certainly not motivation. I jsut don't get it.

Minnesoata at Seattle (-6.5)
Zero: The Sex Boat goes down to the Poison Pill Phifers. Does that even make sense?
Kilcs: Seattle. Branch continues to fit in well with the offense and the performance of the offense without Alexander, makes people wonder why they don't pass like this all the time. Plus Lofa Tatupu. I think he is one of the best players in the league. If this game's on, watch him, he's crazy.
Pick Em: Seattle. See above. Crazy teaser!!!
Point23: Seattle. Holmgren is so pissed about Steve Hutchinson's poison pill contract that he runs up the score. I wish I had Mass Hasslebeck on my fantasy team this week. Wait, no I don't: I have Donovan McNabb.

Arizona (-3) at Oakland
Zero: Cardinals, even after last week's debacle. Are the Raiders who we THOUGHT they are?
Kilcs: Arizona. Matt the LionHearted will lead Zona to a win. Oakland's not gonna win for a long time. I'm not gonna pick them till they win one.
Pick Em: Arizona. Let's see, I have 203 reasons to pick against Denny Green and the Cardinals this week, with number one being they took me out of 203 dollars on Monday night. And I only have 1 reason to pick them, they play theRaidas.
Point23: Arizona. Yep, pretty comfy ridin' shotgon on the Matt Leinart bandwagon. Preeeeeeeetty comfy.

1. NY Giants at Dallas (-3.5)
Zero: Tiki is supposed to retire. Running Man. Dallas.
Kilcs: Dallas. TO gets the double coverage, Terry gets a score or 2 and Julius Jones continues his streak of 100 yard games.
Pick Em: NY Giants. This will be a very close, low scoring football game. 3.5 points is too much to pass up in this type of game. Gimme the points!!!
Point23: Giants. You don't have to double Terrell Owens if you can't pressure Bledsoe (preferably up the middle, but any pressure will do). The Giants have the d-line to do it. Eli plays well on the big stage and a national audience sees Roy Williams exposed as maybe the most wildly overrated player in the NFL.

Let's hand out some awards for these picks, shall we?
The Scoop Jackson Tiny Sentence Award: Zero. Short sentences are his favorite. He loves them. Alot. Loves. Him. Zero. Loves.
The Hip Hip Hooray! Award: Mr. 'Em!!!!!!!!
The Fantasy Football Directly Influences My Picks Award: Kilcs. Somehow knowing that his fantasy team is unluckier than a black cat walking under a ladder and ontop of a broken mirror has helped him get off to the best start of the four of us.
The I Get Off the Hook Award Because I Wrote This: Point23.

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Week Six Picks

Yes, I am aware I am posting these picks well after most of the NFL's games for Week 6 have been completed. I realize its kinda pointless, but I want to make sure they are posted for posterity's sake.

I was away from a computer all day Saturday and have been sick as hell most of today. For what it's worth, all of this was written by Friday, I was just unable to compile it until now. So no one is cheating here - although after last week's disastrous effort, it wouldn't hurt - and if you don't believe me, well...I don't really care. I mean really: who would gothrough the trouble to cheat on one of these things anyways?

Here's the standings after Week 5:
Zero: 5-6-3
Kilcs: 5-6-3
Point23: 4-7-3
Pick em: 3-8-3

Ouch. Onto the picks...

Cincinnati (-5.5) at Tampa Bay
Zero: Bengals. No Reggie Bush punt returns will be needed this week.
Pick Em Page: Buccaneers. They are terrible, but they're getting 5.5 at home and the Bengals rush defense will have trouble with the Cadillac, which is going to result in a time of possession advantage for the Bucs.
Kilcs: Tampa Bay. I always pick the team that's better and obviously, Cincy's better than Tampa, but a lot of good teams beat a lot of mediocre teams by less than 6. That'll happen and Carson Palmer will start out on fire then remember he plays for me and fumble/throw picks for the entire 4th quarter to make it close.
Point23: Bengals. Rudi Johnson is the forgotten man in the Bengals' alleged high-powerd offense. He gets back on track today against Tampa's suspect run defense.

Tennessee at Washington (-10.5)
Zero: Titans. And I hate Vince Young.
Pick Em Page: Redskins. The Tennessee Titans offense is terrible. When a team is getting 10 points, and you don't know if they're going to score 10, how can you pick them?
Kilcs: Tennessee. Tennessee covered 19.5 against Indy, they're covering again. Running game got it going and Mark Brunell's 54 years old and you can't count on a 54 year old quarterback.
Point23: Tennessee. The Titans were able to keep it close last week against Indy and Washington's offense is so enigmatic, you can't possibly back it. Washington could very, very easily win by four touchdowns, but I have no idea what offense will show up. No one does. They are either scoring three points or 45, though.

Houston at Dallas (-13.0)
Zero: Rockets. Yao drops 30 and 14 to trump Diggler’s 28-12-7. I love this game.
Pick Em Page: Texans. 13 is too many points to work with for the league's leading passer.
Kilcs: Dallas. 13's a lotta points. Houston's been covering (i think?). But TO's due for a breakout game and David Carr's due for a stinker as Janis would say.
Point23: Dallas. Here's the classic bounce back game for Bledsoe and the Cowboys that will make things look like they are very, very OK when in fact they are very, very not.

Buffalo (-1.5) at Detroit
Zero: Buffalo. Buffalo lost 4 Super Bowls in a row. Has Detroit ever been to a Super Bowl?
Pick Em Page: Lions. Detroit's due for a win. If they don't get one, they're all gonna have on one of those weird ass faces Kenny Rogers always makes on the mound. He should be a Halloween costume.
Kilcs: Detroit. Detroit's not going winless this season and I think that this is as good a game as any to get off the schneid. The Bill's defense has some injury concerns and Martz is starting to get that offense going just a little bit, meaning Kevin Jones is getting 6 carries and the the 4th WR is catching 2 TDs a game. Martz is the devil.
Point23: Detroit. Roy Williams' 40 points are this week! I really believe this! Really!

Seattle (-3.0) at St. Louis
Zero: Rams go to 5-1 for the first time since, well, it’s been a while.
Pick Em Page: Rams. Alexander's out, Bulger's been protecting the ball (hasn't thrown an INT in has past 214 attempts), and the Rams are a different team at home (2-0 this season).
Kilcs: Seattle. St. Louis is kind of winning with smoke and mirrors I think, Green Bay and the Lions the last 2 weeks with the game still in doubt in the last minutes. Seahawks got torched their last game, had a week off to bounce back and fix mistakes.
Point23: Seattle. This game is a turning point in the season for St. Louis. Actually, its a drop off point, because STL's playoff hopes go up in smoke starting this week.

New York Giants at Atlanta (-3.0)
Zero: Atlanta. Mexico, Ron.
Pick Em Page: Falcons. The Giants cannot defend on the road. Their giving up 33 points a game away from home, and the fast track at the Georgia dome isn't going to help things out. Dunn and Vick will be too much for the Giants rush defense to handle.
Kilcs: Atlanta. Vick, Dunn and Norwood. They need a nickname. So does the defense.
Point23: Atlanta. I don't know why and I really don't care. The Giants piss me off.

Philadelphia (-3.5) at New Orleans
Zero: Saints. This is gonna be a shootout at the Superdome. I didn’t have sex with that woman, I wanted to. BAM!
Pick Em Page: Saints. Can't pass up getting 3.5 in the Superdome. Look for the Saints to connect on a few big plays down the field as they will be ready for the the Eagles middle blitz scheme.
Kilcs: Philly. I'm sold on the Eagles and D.F. McNabb until proven otherwise.
Point23: New Orleans. As much as I love Philly and Donnie Mac, I will never, ever, ever bet against the Saints in the Superdome. Like Reggie says, "That's just dumb."

Carolina at Baltimore (-3.0)
Zero: Panthers. I agree with Derek Mason, I don’t think Baltimore’s offense can score more than six points. Hey McNair, your not playing Alcorn St.’s schedule, this isn’t 14 years ago.
Pick Em Page: Ravens. Deangelo Williams is out and the Ravens hold their opponents to 2.9 yards per game against the run. Can't beat them at their house without running the football.
Kilcs: Carolina. I want to pick Carolina every time I see them for some reason, maybe dating back to the all-time season turned in by Muhsin a few years back. Not sure, but I'll probably pick them every week.
Point23: Carolina. I can't believe Baltimore is favored. Yea, the D is tight, but that O isn't doing anything against Carolina. Panthers win this one striaght up.

Miami at New York Jets (-2.5)
Zero: Miami. Only for the reason that they looked better last week and I think Isiah Thomas is coaching the Jets this week.
Pick Em Page: Dolphins. Saban's head's just gonna spontaneous combust on the field if they lose this game.
Kilcs: Miami. I don't think the Jets should be 2.5 point favorites against anyone. Except Oakland.
Point23: New York. If always betting with the Superdome is rule number one, then rule number two is always bet against the Dolphins. I can't believe Miami fans were actually clammoring for Joey Freakin' Harrington. They might be crazier than Steeler fans.

San Diego (-10.0) at San Francisco
Zero: SD. The Rivers is Wild.
Pick Em Page: 49ers. Coming off a HUGE win against the Raidas, and I'm not picking the Chargers until they wear those powder blues every Sunday.
Kilcs: San Diego. Great front 7 there in San Diego. They dominated the Steelers, why won't they dominate the Niners?
Point23: San Fran. That Frisco offense is surprisingly frisky. Garbage points get the Niners the cover.

Kansas City at Pittsburgh (-7.0)
Zero: Burgh. Although I can’t wait until Big Ted is throwin’ to Randy Moss and/or Jerry “Million Dollar Man” Porter. Let the insanity begin.
Pick Em Page: Steelers. Ben's due for a big game, Huard's due for a bad one.
Kilcs: Pittsburgh. Refer to last week. Desperate SuperBowl team needing a win. Won't lay an egg. Right?
Point23: Pittsburgh. Damon Huard: Exposed.

Oakland at Denever (-15.0)
Zero: Denver. See above.
Pick Em Page: Broncos. Raiders get "shelled" again.
Kilcs: Oakland. I can't believe I just typed that. But 15's too much in the NFL.
Point23: Denver. Mike Shannahan has had a boner since last Sunday. He'll have to emply the Boner Tuck on the sidelines all Sunday night while reveling in dismantling a pathetic Raiders team. How much do you think he'll enjoy decimating Oakland by 45? Too much, methinks.

Chicago (-11.0) at Arizona
Zero: Da Bears. Matt Leinart might not make it out of this game alive. He better give Lachey a goodbye kiss (no homo) before the game.
Pick Em Page: Cardinals. Flipped a coin on this one...isn't that like the perfect line for this game? How do they do that?
Kilcs: Chicago. Like Philly, I'm sold on Chicago. No reason to think they can't keep it up except for the law of averages. They haven't just been winning and dominating teams, they've been winning and dominating the lines.
Point23: Arizona. I'm hopping on the Matt Leinart bandwagon. I really believe him when he says "I don't know how to lose," but I'll settle for "I know how to cover."

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