Two thoughts here:
1) What, exactly, is the point of an All-Star game?
2) If I was managing an All-Star game, I would absolutely ruin it. I'd butcher it. Fans would hate me. But I'd get home field advantage in the World Series. Please believe, believe me please.
If the game is purely an exhibition with no consequences designed entirely to entertain fans, then you let the fans decide who plays. If the game has consequences - of any kind - then I think you have to eliminate the fan vote. Either way is fine, but you just have to pick one. It says so in my rule book.
I'm convinced MLB thought that one out backwards, or didn't think it out at all. Because their All Star game is a mixture of both. And that's no good.
Setting aside the fact that an All Star game deciding home field advantage in the World Series is probably the most inane thing in sports...wait, nevermind. You can't set that aside. I know its been beat into the ground, but just think about that for a second. What was the thought process there? Were they trying to jack up ratings? Did they want to assure themselves a spot on the Stupidest Things In Sports list, counted down by Summer Sanders? What's so hard about giving the team with the better record home field? That takes, what...no thought process?And if they are tied, you go to their inter-league record or their in-league record or something. Just pick something. Cripes.
Anyway, my point was...oh right - since the game is important, you can't let fans decide. Think how important this game is. Home field. In the World Series. Fans shouldn't decide that. If they are going to decide home field, why stop there? Let them decide everything. Let them decide every day line ups, batting order, when to hit and run. These things eventually decide home field advantage...why aren't they voting on them too?
(And besides, All Star appearances are used in Hall of Fame criteria. So now fans are deciding the HoF, too. Brilliant.)
Let's face it: fans are morons. Not all of them, but most of them. They don't use criteria in deciding who to pick, they pick guys from their favorite team (as evidenced by the entire AL roster being comprised of BoSox and Yanks).
Back to me ruining to the All-Star Game:
In an All-Star game, you want to see everyone play (that is why MLB mandates a player from every franchise on the roster, no?). But if you were a manager of an All Star team, you have a very real shot at going to the World Series. Wouldn't you take that seriously? I'd throw my best pitchers all game, play my best fielders and hitters, and screw everyone else. I'd bust my balls trying to win this game. I'd take it just as seriously as a regualr season game. HOME FIELD IN THE WORLD SERIES? Are you kidding me? I'd ruin this game for that opportunity. Do you have any idea how important that is?
If I was a real reporter, I'd ask both managers about this after the game. "Um, sir? Yea..I was wondering why you didn't try as hard as possible to win? Is it because you don't think you are going to the World Series? Don't you want that advantage? Isn't that kind of important?"
Honestly, what's he going to say? I'd love to hear that explanation.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
If I Could, I'd Ruin the MLB All Star Game. Even Worse Than Selig Already Has, Believe It Or Not.
Monday, July 03, 2006
An Open Letter to Every Team in the NBA, Except the Reigning World Champs.
Dear Losers,
Congratulations on finishing in [2nd through 30th]. Heck of a season for you guys, really. I'm sure you'll get over the hump in the next few seasons. Really.
I am sure you all feel you are just one piece away from achieving your goals. Hell, look at Miami last year, right? They added Shaq to one superstar with a bunch of washed-up role players, and now their all wearing rings. Perfect, right? So let's try that!
And see, that is why I am worried. No team will ever duplicate what the Heat did this season. It just won't happen; the circumstances were so unique and bizarre, no one could possibly imitate it and be successful. So please, please don't try.
Miami's "blueprint" worked for a few reasons, not the least of which was the superstar that they added was Shaquille O'Neal. Yea, this isn't the svelte, dominating Daddy from yore, but it was still Shaq. Shaq is the most dominating force basketball has seen since 23 hung 'em up for the third time. He's not equatable with any other "superstar" thats allegedly on the market right now.
The fact that it was Shaq that the Heat added can't be overstated. IT WAS SHAQ. Who saved himself all season for a title run (and it actually worked, which might be the most surprising thing). It didn't work the year before. It isn't going to work next year. Miraculously, it worked this year.
Plus, a legendary coach who the players were all dying to play for came out of retirement midway through the season solely for this purpose. Oh, and, they happened to have maybe the most clutch, unstoppable, unselfish guard in the league who has the refs so infatuated with him that it is borderline unfair.
So, before you think of adding "that missing piece," ask yourself the following:
- Is the piece we are about to add the most dominating basketball force since Michael Jordan?
- Are we adding him to arguably the best off guard in the league, who also has no problem sharing the ball with him?
- Do we have a Hall of Fame coach that all can command all our veterans who are dying to win a championship?
Teams built like the Heat suck. Seriously. Teams intentionally put together with a small, minute window, who have to win now just suck. Where is the reward as a fan (or even as a team?) in winning that way? Watching a bunch of old guys with no chemistry tolerate each other for a season or two just to get a ring is not fun. The Heat - and the NBA - are lucky D Wade is about the most personable and likeable star in the league right now. With anyone else, anyone outside of Miami is rooting hard core for the Mavs to win. As it was, fans with no rooting interest were pretty much split on who they wanted to win.
Think what it must be like to be a Marlins fan. Yea, you got two rings, but you basically bought them, and then sold off the pieces like a Sion in a chop shop. Don't you think the Marlins fans feel a little empty with those rings? Whatever happened to a team working for years, drafting well, maybe picking up a solid contributor or two, battling through better, tougher opponents, in the playoffs and then finally, miraculously breaking through to win a title? Sure, the economics don't really allow for that anymore, to a certain extent, but I still think you can do it. Look at the Mavs this year. If they would have won, how satisfying would that title have been? To build yourself up from laughing stock to title contender...that just feels right, doesn't it?I equate it to having a Picasso or a Rembrandt hanging in your living room. One catch - you had to steal it to get it. Sure, "buying" players isn't the same as stealing, but it kind of feels the same. Hey, maybe some people can still enjoy a stolen piece of art as much as if it had been purchased legally. I just couldn't. All I'm saying.
Plus, as hard as it was to cheer for the Heat, how much fun was it to watch them, speaking strictly aesthetically? Not very, save for D Wade in the open court. Their games were so predictable - either get the hell out of Wade's way, or throw it into Shaq and play off the double team's. Having two great guys and a bunch of others isn't fun to watch. Let's get 5 skilled guys out there - why do you think the West is so much fun to watch (And the East really isn't?).
Here's the deal: if the Heat repeat, you can build your team's any way you want. But if they lose -which they most certainly will - then you have to build real teams. Sound good? OK, handshake..sign here...lovely.
So there is my plea, NBA. Let the Heat be your answer to the NCAA's George Mason: a heck of a story, but ultimately a fluke that likely can't - shouldn't? - be repeated.
128 Teams. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's been some dumb ideas before.
"Tin Cup" going for the green at the Open instead of laying up. The Knicks handing the keys to Isiah (they did see what he did to the CBA, right? He drove an entire league completely out of existance. Has that even ever been done single-handedly before? They were aware of this, weren't they?) Joe Namath saying, "Interview with Suzy Kolber? Suuuure...let me just finish this last beer..."
Before we go through the litany of reasons why this is an awful idea, let me get one thing off my chest. If one more person - coach, analyst, news reporter, my own mother - refers to "expanding to 128 teams" as "doubling the size of the current field," I will go on a boobey-trapping rampage the likes of which hasn't been seen since Makuley Caulkin got left home alone. Both times.
You know why it isn't doubling the current field? Because doubling the current field gives you 130 teams, that's why, because the self-indulgent, money-grubbing, sanctimonious bastards at the NCAA have 65 teams in the current field. So if you really want to "double the field," then make it 130. If you want 128, call it that. Thank you.
Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's get to the bottom of this. Why does this idea make Tin Cup look like an innovator? Here are "the coaches" reasons - from this espn.com article - for wanting to expand to 128. Let's debunk them, one by one. It'll be fun!
• The number of Division I teams has increased significantly since the last major expansion more than two decades ago. The field went from 48 to 64 teams in 1985, then added a 65th team to the field in 2001 when the number of automatic bids went from 30 to 31.
So there are now more teams, so let's have a bigger playoff. Seams reasonsable. But that's not the reason coaches want to expand. They want to be able to say, "Hey, look, I made the tourney 4 years in a row (please forget I got bounced in the first round every time), so you can't fire me. I'm successful!" Its a complete and direct lie that coaches feel more total teams should equate to more teams in The Dance. They just want greater job security. (Hey, with so many different teams, aren't there more job opportunities? Jus' sayin...)
And 128...the sole reason that number got picked is because it creates a "perfect" bracket. No team needs a bye and no teams are penalized with extra games. But 128? C'mon. There are teams in the tourney now with sub-.500 records...imagine when it is doubled? Who needs the opening weekend filled with teams who couldn't even win half their games? The first weekend is the best part, anyways. This would ruin all that fun; half the games would end in lopsided blowouts. That's no fun.• George Mason, which was one of the last at-large teams to make the field this year, proved parity in college basketball is real. The combination of prominent programs losing underclassmen at faster rates and scholarship reductions have helped mid-major schools become more competitive. The coaches believe they deserved to be rewarded accordingly.Is anyone buying this? Anyone? You really think the coaches in the ACC, SEC, Big East, Big Ten, etc. are really up and arms that some "worthy" mid-majors or small schools are being left out? Please. They could care less. And sure, some of those bids would go to the mid-majors or smaller schools, but the overwhelming majority would go to .500 or below teams from the power conferences. Does anyone really want to get excited about Northwestern vs. Vanderbilt? I didn't think so.
(And besides, if some mid-majors do get in - either at the expense of some power schools or knock off some power schools once they are in - that does not bode well for those coaches who are worried about their job security. No, the last thing this is about is the mid-majors.)
Any by the way, parity isn't "real." George Mason was a fluke. (Not the team, but the fact that a mid-major went to the Final Four. Don't expect that to happen again anytime soon.) The reason mid-majors RPI's are so high is because they all play eachother (give them credit, they do have good records). It's not like mid-majors - with the rare exception - are regularly polishing off power conferece schools. Throw any mid-major in a power conference, and they aren't entering The Dance with 25-3 records - if they are going at all.
Yea, the gap is shrinking, but slowly. A 16 still won't beat a 1. What's shrinking faster, the small schools distance between the big boys, or US Soccer's gap between them and the rest of the world? Who knows. Translation: they ain't close yet.
• Now that the NCAA controls both postseason tournaments, coaches think it's time to include some of the bubble teams that annually complain when they are left out.
You think teams 129 and 130 and 131 won't have a gripe under this system? No matter where the cutoff line is, the teams just on the outside of it will complain. Just the way it is. The only way to stop that would be to let everyone in - and then there would still be complaints about seedings and where games were played...just draw a line and be done with it. 64 is perfect.The coaches, by asking for 128, may get a significantly lower number - mayeb 68, 80, 90. So give 'em credit, they aren't stupid. But don't think for a second this has anything to do with mid-majors. George Mason is merely a fortunate catalyst that fell into the laps of the teams that regularly finish 5th and 6th in the power conferences.
Of course, there are some upsides. Gus Johnson would get to call more games. So that's a positive if there ever was one. But that's about it.
Please, please, live The Dance the way it is. Its about the only thing the NCAA hasn't completely screwed up. Please.
64 is perfect.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
The Greatest Baseball Catch Ever. Seriously.
The Sports World today is obsessed with making players, teams, events, whatever The Greatest Ever. And if they aren't The Greatest Ever, then we need to know how close they are to being The Greatest Ever. We rank everything. You can't flip throughthe 9 ESPN's or Fox Sports without running into some kind of list (and if Summer Sanders is counting down, count me in).
Normally, I shy away from all that stuff. First of all, its usually pointless, and second of all, you need some time to rank things; the moment they happen is just too soon.
That said, Gary Matthews, Jr.'s catch yesterday was the greatest catch in baseball. Ever. No joke. That catch makes Willy Mays' over-the-shoulder grab look like a can of corn. Mays' catch seems to be the gold standard for catches (even though everyone knows it was great at the time, but today is almost routine ), and GMJr puts him to shame.
(Sidenote: did you know Gary Matthews Jr. was black? I had no idea. I could have sworn I heard a country music song by Gary Matthews, and then I saw him make this catch, and I was just dumbfounded. I actually did a double take.)
I know there have been some great diving catches, some bare-handers, some sick home run robbers...but how are you going to top that catch? Everyone is calling it the front runner for Play of the Year, but let me tell you, unless Derek Jeter kills Roger Clemens with a line drive in the World Series, that play will win. No contest.
Think about what he did. First of all, he nearly leaps over the wall. Another inch or two, and hes making that catch in the bullpen. Going towards the left, he still tries to make the catch with his left hand (I think because he's left handed and that's the hand his glove was on; not positive though. Only to do so, he has to twist and contort his body - in midair, mind you - and then he does maybe the most impressive thing. Instead of putting his glove up normally - like you're blocking the sun out of you're eyes - he reverses it, and nabs in basket-style (maybe in tribute to Mays). Throw in a sweet little plunk when the ball finds leather, and its The Greatest Catch Ever.
If someone has video or can describe a better catch than that, I want to see it. I think Harry Potter catching the Snitch in his mouth might be the only catch more impressive. Mad props to GMJr.
And in case you missed it, here is The Greatest Catch Ever, in all its glorious glory.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
NBA Draft Round Up. Yee Haw!
A few things that jump out after watching the most "volatile" (thank you, Dan Patrick) draft in recent memory...
- Bargnani at No. 1. Yawn. He'll be OK. Morrison will be better. And just to clarify, Kilcs was the one complaining about no one being able to pronounce Bargnani's name. So now you know.
- The Blazers....sheesh. Tired, fellas? They actually ended up doing well for themselves, but they took a really, ah...circuitious route to get there, didn't they? Did you ever see the episode of 90210 where David gets hooked on speed and he's just freaking out, running around the apartment with the music on blast, sweepering and rearranging furniuture...well, that was the Blazers this draft. The apartment looks nicer, but it sure took alot of energy to get that way.
- Chicago...John Paxson is turning into a young Jerry West. He completely tricked the Blazers. He got his man and took the Blazers for a little ride too. And remember how I said they should gamble on Gay, since it didn't really matter who they took anyways? Well, same deal with Ty Thomas. Maybe he pans out, maybe he doesn't, but it doesn't matter. Smart move.
- The Hawks kept their promise to Sheeeeeldon. Aaaaaaaaawwwweeee. How cute <3>
- You know how Jerry West is the greatest GM ever? And its not even really close? Well, he got so good teams wouldn't even trade with him, because if The Logo (Greatest nickname ever, by the way. It will never, ever, ever be topped. It's impossible) wanted him, clearly he was the better player. So I think West made some dumb moves and laid low for the last couple of years, suckering everyone in, making them think he's lost his touch, then...Gay for Battier. Striaght up. Completely tricked the Rockets. Like an older brother talking his little brother into the bottom bunk. Who trades top for bottom, straight up? The Rockets, that's who. All hail The Logo.
- Redick at 11....huh? He's really the best fit there Orlando? Who the hell is going to get him his looks? Orlando needed someone to create their own shot; not a specialist who won't even start. Dumb move.
- Steal of the night: Quincy Douby at 19 to the Kings. Look out for Sacramento next year. I'm telling you.
- Alright, the Knicks drafted Renaldo Balkman. Averaged less than 10 points per game. Took him at number 20. Now, before everyone piles on, this actually had some thought behind it, I think. The Knicks have more gunners than the Marines, so drafting another scorer wasn't the answer with that roster. Marcus Williams looked appealing, but he creates buckets for big guys to finish and looks for shoots to knock down. Starbury and Francis and Rose and Robinson are neither. Balkman will be an selfless energy guy who gives you whatever you need on the defensive end and hopefully on the glass. But the point is...you don't take him at 20. You could have gotten him at 29. Or you know what...you more than likely could have gotten him as a free agent after the draft. Draft some other pieces at 20 and 29 and trade them for future picks or something. So Marcus Williams is the better player, but not for that roster. The Knicks got a good guy, they just got him too soon. Which is about right.
- The LeBrons got some help. Which is nice. Shannon Brown should be tough and Daniel Gibson...oh my god, someone who can shoot and drive! Does this really mean no more of Eric Snow and his huge, expressionless head? Please? Pretty Please?
- Congrats to the Lakers for drafting Mr. Tumnus. Long live Aslan!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Point 23's Pretend Draft. Its Worthless.
Here's my mock draft. Few things to keep in mind.
I'm going with who I think the team should take - not who they will take or are likely to take. And once I say that player is drafted, he's off the board. Onto the draft...
1. Toronto.
Bargnani seems to be the guy here, I guess, but I don't really get why they would take him. They got two up-and-comers down low - why take a 7-footer? Why not take a perimeter guy, someone who could play the 2 or 3, then try like hell to sign Mike James? That would be my line of thought anyways - seems like a pretty good young lineup to me. So draft Morrison, and let him kill teams from the outside and run off screens.
And while we're here, can we get a definitive pronunciation on Bargnani? It took us how many years to get Dirk's last name right - and half the people still say it wrong. One more reason not to draft him: he has a girl's first name. I don't think that helps. The Raptors are probably going to take him, but they should draft the 'stache.
The Toronto Raptors select...Adam Morrison.
2. Chicago
This much is clear: no one out there can really help the Bulls right now. They need a polished post guy. Maybe Aldridge is some day, but not right now, I don't think. So if no one is there for immediate help, why not take the guy with the most upside and can ball in the L right now? Take Rudy Gay. If it doesn't work out, so what? What did you lose? You were playing with house money anyways. You got the 16th pick to grab a "solid" guy. Roll the dice, Chicago. At the very least, you get some nice trade bait for when you make your "splash" trade. At the best, you get the best player in the draft. I see no downside.
The Chicago Bulls select...Rudy Gay.
3. Charlotte.
Lock up that backcourt, MJ. Get someone who can ball with my man Raymond Felton. Roy or Foye, who really cares? I'm kind of partial to Foye, but only because of his 'Nova ties (they were fun to watch). But Felton and Foye, thats a tiny backcourt. So take the bigger guy - and allegedly the most complete guard in the draft. No arguments there - Roy is tough and strong around the rim, gotta love that. Man can he finish, he has to be Bill Raftery's favorite player.
The Charlotte Bobcats select...Brandon Roy.
4. Portland
Cripes, now these clowns have the 4th and 7th picks. Who they hell knows what they are gonna do now? But that backcourt is awful - they have Maryland's crappy backcourt from 5 years ago. Best guard available has to be picked now. No questions asked. Snag Foye. Now.
The Portland Trailblazers select...Randy Foye.
5. Atlanta
Oh boy. You know they are dying to draft another 4. Lamarcus Aldridge, c'mon down! Ty Thomas, we want you! I guess they already promised Sheldon Williams they were taking him, which I guess makes sense. (Picking him, not making that promise. And what if they break that promise? What happens? Will Sheldon give them cooties? Are we in fourth grade here?). That said, Sheldon is a traditional back to the basket guy, which they could use. Maybe he could be good, but I'm really doubting it. "The Landlord" got away with murder in college - he committed 12 fouls a game. But you aren't dying for a big guy - you need a PG. Get Marcus Williams. He seems like one of those dudes who can just play. I see him walking by a court in jeans and boots, the guys yell they need a tenth, and he plays as is, and just kills dudes. May not look pretty, but he's just a baller. Take him, Atlanta. Don't take the orc. Trust me.
The Atlanta Hawks select....Marcus Williams.
6. Minnesota.
The T-Wolves need some one to play with KG, because apparently they ain't trading him. But I think he scares the hell outta most players. I mean, carrying around all those tech-nines and hand grenades, why wouldn't he? That said, who in those draft won't wither under his pressure? Ty Thomas or Rodney Carney seem the most likely to be able to ball with the big ticket. I think I'd take Carney - who could (will) be a better Spree, getting out in transition, knocking down 3's - and find a solid PG and try to recreate that season they went to the Western Conf. Finals. Is Carney good enough to take 6th? I don't know, but no one else really is, either.
The Minnesota T-Wolves select...Rodney Carney.
7. Portland (again)
That Telfair trade is really perplexing me. Why would you want two lottery picks in this draft? Bassy was better than any guard in this draft, anyways, but that trade forces them to take a guard. So now its just best player available, right? And clean up that image at the same time? Take Andrea - I think she's the pick here. You got a post player in Randolph, now a guard in Foye...get some one who creates mismatches for defenses, can play in and out...yea, I think that fits. I think.
The Completely Insane Portland Trailblazers select...Andrea Bargnani.
8. Houston
OK, you've got two good players - and that's it. They play center and 2/3. So PG or the 4 is the priority. Aldridge fits here. He won't have to face any double teams, so he'll be able to develop against single coverages in the early goings. Plus, he doesn't need to score as a rook to be effective here - Yao and T-Mac will take most of the shots. He can be an "energy" guy - guard the other team's best player, crash the boards and get putbacks, etc. I like this pick here - a lot.
The Houston Rockets select...LaMarcus Aldridge.
9. Golden State
This team is just a complete dice roll...Baron at the 1, Dunleavy at the 3...yea, maybe that could work...but it could also completely blow up. Either way, I'm seeing them back in the lottery. So why not roll the dice again? Take Ty Thomas - who knows what the hell he's bringing, but at least you know he'll be all over the place. He'll be good on the defensive end and on the glass - and finishes of oops from Baron and collecting J-Rich's misses.
The Golden State Warrios select...Tyrus Thomas.
10. Seattle
You gotta grab O'Bryant here. You're bed is pretty much made with your back court, for better or for worse. Sheldon may be an option inside, but you already have a bruiser/rebounder in Fortson. Get someone back there challenging and changing shots, getting fast breaks opportunities started. Get a threat down low, to free up outside looks for your guards, where they thrive. Your 1, 2 and 3 are the keys here - you are going to win or lose with them. O'Bryant helps here more than anyone else.
The Seattle SuperSonics select...Patrick O'Bryant.
11. Orlando
I think they need a two or a three who can score. I think Ronnie Brewer is that guy. I've only seen him play a couple of times - in March - but he impressed me a lot (and I know my opinion really matters). If you look at what they have - The Man Child that is Dwight Howard, up-and-comer Jameer Nelson, and The Dark Horse that is Darko, a 2/3 type is their best bet. But I mean, you are banking on Jameer being a stud and Darko not being a joke. But that isn't as far from the truth as it seems.
The Orlando Magic select...Ronnie Brewer.
Um...I just read Scoops "mock" (why the hell is it called a mock draft?!?) draft, and he has ORL taking Quincy Douby. Same reasons as me though, but Douby is just better. Which is true, he was killing people in the Big Easy tourny. At least I was on the same page as Scoop, though. So we're going to call it quits at 11, because I was trying to do this without looking at anyone else's mock draft and I just peeked. So I'm done.
Enjoy Dan Patrick, Greg Anthony, Stephen A. Smith and Jay Bilas tonight. Dan will make his smug comments to everyone and ask questions until he gets an answer he wants. Greg Anthony will profess his "love" to at least 8 guys, which will make everyone uncomfortable. Speaking of uncomfortable, that is what Stephen A. specializes in. Here's my theory: when he starts his whole screaming thing and dramatically pronouncing every syllable of every name, everyone becomes incredibly uncomfortable and does a little giggle things just to make up for it. Stephen A. completely misunderstands this as the rest of the room thinking him funny, and then he amps it up to another level, and the process repeats itself. Its just a vicious cycle. At least Jay Bilas will be there to calm everyone down, even if he is a little "smart" some of the time. Such a shame Hubie won't be there. And dear lord, please don't let Stu Scott handle the player interviews. Things will be awkward enough as it is.
The Debut of Zero. I Know I Will Always Remember Where I Was. You Should, Too.
Since this comment - which form now to eternity will be referred to as "The Greatest Comment Ever," TGCE for short - was too good to be relegated to the comments section, here it is in all its glory. We'll call it the debut of Zero, although he's been around since day one.
Zero now has the privelege (Too strong of a word? Yes) of writing a guest column whenever he sees fit. And if anyone one else wants to write a guest column, just let me know, and we can work it out. We just have to take care of a few logistics first, that's all. In fact, that isn't just a suggestion, that is highly encouraged. Don't be shy, kiddies. I'd really like to get some regular or even once-in-a-while entries on here.
Without further ado, here is Zero's debut effort, which includes multiple laugh out loud moments. Enjoy.
Two Random Baseball Thoughts. This Probably Isn't Worth Your Time.
I was just wondering...
Common situation: Runner on second, pitcher trying to hold him. The short stop and the second baseman take turns running back and forth, trying to keep the runner close, since a base hit likely scores him. But then the fielders can be caught out of position. Tricky situation.
So here's my solution: run the center fielder in and pick him off. Play your SS and 2B real far away, so the runner gets all confident, starting inching away, then footing away...bam! Center fielder out of no where. Can you imagine how stunned the runner would be? And the opposing bench would be so caught off guard, I don't even think they could warm him. What would they yell? "Look out! Here come's the center fielder!" Would you believe that if you were on second? I'd spend so much time thinking about, I'd be picked off in a heart beat.
(Also, why do they have to throw to the bag? Why can't they just throw it to the SS kinda far off the base, given that the runner is pretty far off, too? I guess it would give the runner time...I dunno, maybe that's not such a good idea. But that center fielder idea...I'm telling you, that's golden. You gotta save it for a special time, though. Like in Rookie of the Year when they pull the hidden ball trick. You just can't teach timing.)
Thought No. 2. Remember in Little League, if you had runners on the corners, you could steal second by basically walking there because if they threw down to second, the guy on third would easily score? Do they still do that in the majors? Is second base basically just guarenteed with runners on the corners? Just asking.
(Sidenote: The one trick there was when they guy took off for second, whip it to your short stop, who cuts off the throw and then throws home. Sadly, I fell for this. My coach screaming "GOOOO!" probably didn't help, but I was still DOA. I was out by about 15 feet. Pretty embarressing.)
That wasn't a bad way to waste three minutes, was it?
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Mansion Park.
Lots of things are annoying. But not everything is the same amount of annoying. There are Levels of Annoying.
Missing the time you want to set your alarm to by one press of a button is mildly annoying. Wondering when in God's name The Sports Guy is coming out with a new column is pretty annoying. Turning on PTI and seeing someone other than Tony and Mike is really annoying. Watching a game announced by either Paul Maguire or Mike Patrick is gouge-your-eyes-out-with-a-spoon-Houston-style annoying.
But nothing - read this carefully: nothing - is more annoying than playing in the Mansion Park Summer League.
Nothing.
It's the infuriating thing all other infuriating things strive to be like. Think of the most annoying thing you can think of. Really use your imagination. Something just infuriating. Something so stupid and unfair and unexplainable you just want to punch yourself in the temple because of it. Playing in a Mansion game would make that feel like a mud bath at a day spa. With cucumbers on your eyes. (Not that I would know. Ahem.)
There really are a million reasons why playing in this summer league is like the basketball equivalent of Chinese water torture, but somehow I've managed to whittle the list down to a Top Ten. Without further ado...
Reason Number Ten: The Little Things.
Let's see, where to begin? Well for starters, when you leave Mansion, you can't turn left. There's a tree branch on Court Two at Mansion that leads the league in blocks every year (plus if The Tree blocks you, its a turnover...that doesn't seem to fair). The people who run the scoreboard rarely pay attention, but who can blame them, with all that gum to chew, and all those nails to look at, and all those day dreams to get through? That hotline is a joke; if you live 20 minutes away or more, and there's a rain out, well, I hope you like driving. The "fans" who sit in the stands like its a real game and yell at refs and players or cheer loudly, well, I'm sure you have a better way to spend your time. Oh, you don't? This is the highlight of your day? Really? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that...by all means, then, continue humiliating yourself and whoever you are cheering for. Let me step aside. Oh, and they lock the damn door so if you are sitting at Court One, and want to watch a game at Court Two, you have to walk like a block to get there when there is a perfectly functional door that would make that walk non-existant. Makes perfect sense.
Reason Number Nine: The Basketballs.
Mansion hasn't bought a new ball in my lifetime. Maybe that's a small thing, but you know what, though? New basketballs aren't really that minor. New balls every year may seem like a small thing, but its really not. I mean, this is a basketball league. Basketballs are kind of important, no? So would it be too much to ask to pick up a few new balls every summer instead of dusting of the antiques from 1982? We've been playing with the same basketballs for a couple of decades now, and they are balder than my grandpa (and nearly the same age). They aren't even that expensive - look, they're like 20 bucks. Think you could crack open the vault and spring for four of them a summer?
Reason Number Eight: The rest of the facilities.
Just exactly what is Mansion doing with these entrance fees?
The facilities - Mansion or Leopold - haven't been updated or maintained that I've ever been made aware of. Leopold courts are more slanted than the roof on my house. If you shoot from the right corner, the hoop is about 9'5". Shoot from the left, and the hoop is about 10'9". You can literally see the courts slanting by just looking at it; its so blatant even the Mansion refs could notice it. There is no way whoever built this court has two functional eyes; if he did, I think he was wearing only one shoe and his level was broke.
Shooting a free throw out there is like trying to win a prize at a carnival - you are standing on a slant, you have no idea how high the hoop is, the wind is probably gusting around - you might as well get it over with and just move the basket from side to side and give out stuffed elephants every time someone makes one.
The backboards...um, hey guys? You think you could spring for a can of paint and a stencil? Maybe put a square up there? Or are we good with just a huge, plain white plastic backboard that is bouncier than a ping pong table? OK, you're right, that is asking a little much....how 'bout you just make sure the scoreboard is always functional? Just so we know the score and how much time is left? Is there 0:50 left? Or is that 8:58? Somewhere in between? No, those little light bulbs are too expensive?
OK, just thought I'd ask. You can go back to sucking at everything now.
Reason Number Seven: Skip Dry.
Skip is the owner or the founder or something...I don't know exactly what he is, but he's the guy in charge. And that's not a good thing.
Skip..ah, how to say this...Skip has a bit of a Napoleon complex. Skippy thinks he is running a league for 8 year olds with ADHD, and the only possible solution is to just yell as loud as he can at all times. I've honestly never heard the man talk in what would be considered a normal voice. He has no concept of an "inside voice." Every time he opens his mouth, he is screaming. If someone is two feet away, he's screaming at them. If someone is two courts away, he's screaming at them (by the way, anyone else think it a little, ah...odd that Skip doesn't consider distance a factor when he talks? It really makes no difference to Skip of you are right next to him or at the other end of a football field - same level of loudness; I think he has voice immodulation disease. And why would you even try to talk to someone that far away? Are they gonna shout back like a lunatic? Imagine calling him on a phone?)
But Skippy has no rationale or logic. He yells at players. He yells at coaches. He yells at fans. He stops games to make inane points. He stops games to yell at people sitting in the stands. I don't know the full details, but suffice it to say, he's responsible for kicking out probably the greatest player ever to play at Mansion. He truly and firmly believes he's never been wrong about anything. He truly believes people come to Mansion to watch him ref (he's the director and he refs. Makes sense). He truly believes he is some kind of law, and that people should fear him. His presence makes Mansion unbearable. He's domineering, overbearing and miserable to be around, but on the bright side, he's a belligerent egomaniac, so he has that going for him. I genuinely can't think of a single good thing he brings to the table.
Plus, his attitude filters down and permeates itself through the rest of the employees in the league. Which, needless to say, is not good.
Reason Number Six: The "Non-Resident" Fee.
What a ripoff. In the words of Kramer, the "Non-Resident" Fee is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing.
Mansion charges every player not a current resident of Altoona an extra five bucks just to play in the league. Like its some grand privilege we'd all gladly pay extra for. Five bucks? Are you sure that's it? Gee, thanks Skip, you're a hell of a guy! Can you explain that to me? Is there a good reason? Some type of insurance thing? Liability? There had better be a damn good explanation as to why someone living in Hollidaysburg has to pay an extra 5 bucks just to play basketball. It just seems like something Mansion would do just to be jerks and annoy the hell out of everyone. I'll bet my non-resident fee Skip is behind this.
(Sidenote: The league's website has this to say: "The non-resident fee is not intended as a penalty, but rather compensation for administering the program." Um...what the hell does that mean? Did that just confuse things further? Isn't the entrance fee "compensation"? What a flippin' joke. Honestly.)
Reason Number Five: The Altoona Mirror.
I understand that during the summer, with schools and colleges out, there isn't a lot of local sports to cover. But still, that's no excuse to cover the Mansion League like it's an actual sporting event. And the way they cover it...well, that's not helping things, either.
Once a week, they run a weekly roundup sort of thing (not to mention putting the champ on the front page of the sports section). So you got morons and jackasses gunning to get their name in the paper, because the Mirror doesn't distinguish between good players (of which there are shockingly few) to people who score a lot of points. Plus, the Mirror runs the scores every morning of the previous nights games. (OK, that I can understand. Run the scores in the agate, so people can check if they want. Fine.) But then they print the high-scorer of each team, too. WHY?!?! Do they have any idea what this does to the league? People jack shots, cry for fouls so they can get to the line, play dirty, take Division III games as serious as Game 7 of the NBA Finals - all to get their name in the paper.
I'm not saying everyone does this, but enough people do it that its annoying and borderline detrimental (and you know who you are). People who still think its high school (except now they are actually playing) play like idiots to get their name in the paper. Not good. Plus - and I have no idea if this is true, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it is - it makes Skip think "his league" is more big time than it really is. Its a lose-lose-lose situation. So Altoona Mirror - just run the scores in the agate from now on. Please. So Skip can at least get his head through the entrance gate.
Reason Number Four: The New Divisions.
In previous years - as long as I can remember, anyways - Mansion has had three divisions. I, II and III. Division I had the 18 best teams, Division II the next best, etc. Simple, straight forward, effective. They actually got something right, but it was only a matter of time before they blew it. It was too good to be true. There was a part of their league they hadn't completely botched. This year, the league accepts 61 teams instead of the usual 54. Instead of just expanding each league by 2 or 3 teams (or even just Divisions II and III), they recreate the whole structure.
Now we're stuck with 4 divisions - North, East, South and West. So now its impossible to tell which league is the best, which is the worst, and the two in-between. It might not be that big of a deal, but every time you have a conversation with someone about Mansion, it invariably goes like this:
Me: "So who you playin' for this summer?"
Them: "Oh, I'm playin' with Team X this summer."
Me: "Oh yea? That's cool...what division is that?"
Them: "West."
Me: "Oh." (Translation: I have no idea if that's good, bad or somewhere in between. The conversation immediately dies a slow, awkward death).
Them: "Mhmm." (Translation: This prick thinks he's better than me. Or you know what? He doesn't even care. What a smug jerk. I'm outta here. Asshole.)
So thanks for that, Mansion. I now have less friends because of your idiotic Directional Divisions. By the way, I would love to have seen Skip trying to come up with that: (Screaming to himself) WELL, I MADE FOUR NEW DIVISIONS. NOW I HAVE TO NAME THEM. LET'S SEE, WHAT COMES IN FOURS?!?!? ONE, TWO, THREE AND FOUR? NO, TOO MUCH LIKE THE LAST 92 YEARS. COLORS? NO, I CAN ONLY SEE RED...AMERICAN AND NATIONAL? DAMN, ONLY TWO...MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GOT BACK TO THREE DIVISIONS...HONEY!
And since they came up with divisions, you'd think North would be the best (the top), South would be the worst (the bottom) and East and West would be the two in-between divisions. Simple, right? Wrong. They even screwed that up. Unbelievable.
Reason Number Three: We Get Less Games This Year.
The new Directional Divisions screw Divisions out of games. Division I used to get 17 games per summer. By going to four divisions, we now get 15 games per summer. That's special.
And I may be wrong here, but the entrance fee either remained the same or went up. And if it went down, it didn't go down enough to make up for two games getting chopped off the schedule. What a freaking rip-off.
(If anyone knows the actual prices from this summer and last summer, please let me know and I'll update this section. Thank you.)
This makes me so mad I can't even discuss it rationally. Let's just move on.
Reason Number Two: The Players Themselves.
I touched on this earlier, but the players - due to various reasons, most of which are the result of Mansion itself - create an atmosphere that at times - at times - is almost unbearable.
Not all of the players are like this. In fact, the majority aren't. But there are enough players at Mansion who treat the league like its March Madness and they're playing for George Mason. (If you are reading this, and you play at Mansion, and you just asked yourself "Am I one of those guys?" Guess what? You are. Knock it off.) I have no problems with guys playing hard, going all out, playing to win, etc. Heck, that's the point - compete. But there is a line there, especially in a summer league. You don't need to be screaming at players, either your own or on another team. You don't need to talk trash (if someone else starts it, that's different. But if you initiate trash talk in a summer league...you need to rearrage some priorities there, homie). Just play right. Its hard to explain; either you know how to play right or you don't. But just try.
And then there is the yelling at the refs. Now...let me be straight with you. I have just as big a gripe with the officiating out there as the next guy. I'll be first in line at the Mansion Refs Suck booth. But fellas, let's be reasonable. There's a few things to keep in mind before you bust a blood vessel screaming at a moron who probably doesn't understand what you are saying in the first place:
1. You, yourself, must know the rule you are bitching about. Do you really know the over and back rule? Are you sure that's when you can be in the lane on a free throw? Are you positive you didn't reach there? Do you know the over-the-back call? And dear Lord, please, above all else, make sure you know the qualifications for taking a charge.And that's pretty much it. If you know the rules and don't suck, complain all you want. Otherwise, shut your trap, because you're making yourself look like a jackass. Just letting you know.
2. You, yourself, cannot suck. If you do, don't complain about the reffing. Have fun running up and down the court and looking like you have a pair of broken arms when you shoot. And yes, you just double-dribbled.
3. The older you are, the more pathetic you look when you yell at a ref. If you have more hair on your back than on your head, might wanna take a chill pill.
Reason Number One: The Refs.
Ah yes, here we are. Finally. The Holy Grail of Unexplainable Things That Make You Want to Jump Off Something Very, Very High and Land on Something Very, Very Hard. The refs at Mansion.
Deep breathes. Pressure points. Woo-sah, woo-sah.
This much is inarguable: the refs at Mansion, without exception, suck. Flat-out. Cannot be argued. What is debatable, however, is why they suck.
Some say its because they don't know all the rules. This is a very valid point. If there was a reffing test, I'd wager heavily they would all fail spectacularly. I would imagine a lot of erasing and broken pencils, all while sweating profusely. I've seen rules called both ways within the same game - top of the backboard is in, now it is out, for example. Block/charge, while a difficult call, is like a Rubik's Cube for these guys. You should see their face when they have to decide between a block or a charge - they look like their son just told them he was gay. Uh...oh boy...what do I do now? Geez...this one wasn't in the manual...I think I'll just smile and do nothing. The no-call is their go-to move. Amazingly, these refs are more than adept at getting both benches to explode over the same call. Its really their specialty. I just try to chant this to myself as I play. Most of the refs know a few of the rules, and a few of the refs know most of all the rules. But none know them all, so be patient. Woo-sah. (Sidenote: it doesn't really help.)
Some say its because they are inconsistent. Another terrific point. At one end, a guy could get fouled so hard that blood is drawn - no exaggeration - and there will be no call. Then at the other end, there will be a ticky-tack call where there was minimal contact and sho' 'nuff, there's the whistle. You really have to see it to believe it. I've actually been in games where guys apologized for fouling me when no foul was called, and I've been in games where I've been whistled for fouls and the player says to me, "Man, you didn't even touch me." That's always fun.
Some say its because they are just jerks. Tough to argue with this point as well. While not all fall into this category, most do. I've played organized basketball at several levels, and never once has a ref gone out of his or her way to intentionally antagonize a player. Welcome to Mansion Park. Refs actually trash talk. Refs actually engage in back-and-forth arguments while games are being played. All it takes is a little eye roll or a comment under your breath, and it's on. They can say whatever they want to you, but if you talk back - bam! Technical, and you're out of the game and have to sit out the next one as well (a rule they instituted solely because the refs are so bad, people would literally get technicals every game if the threat of missing a whole game wasn't looming over their heads). They are little extensions of Skippy, which as we all know, is not a good thing.
Some say the players drive them to it. I can see this, too, and it's a shame. The refs do put up with so much bullshit from morons - in every level - that when someone who actually knows what he is talking about tries to have a discussion, the ref loses his mind. Kinda tough to blame them there, but still...they should know the difference.
Some say its because they feel they are bigger than the actual game being played. Again, I concur. Most of the refs genuinely believe that fans come to watch them blow their whistle. They genuinely believe players pay over 400 bucks just so that when they travel, they can hear, "No, NO, NO, NO - that's a travel. We are going this way." (I wish I knew names of these guys, but I've been trying to block them out of my mind for so long, I can't remember them. Man Boobs and the Old Guy are the worst, though)
Personally? I wish they would just admit when they are wrong. They have convinced themselves that they are infallible. If they called it, well, it must be true. Hey, I blew my whistle! You heard it, didn't you? Then it is THE TRUTH. Don't even argue, or I will call the thunder and the lightning from the sky to strike you where you stand. For I have a whistle and a "Ref" t-shirt, and you will obey me, peasant. Listen, we know you aren't perfect. We understand. We want to like you. So just be personable, admit you messed up every once and a while, and we'll be cool. Is that too much to ask?
With all that, why do I play? Well, its the only league in town. If you want to play - and apparently, quite a few do - this is where you have to play. Which is why monopolies are outlawed. Skip knows this and can run the league like a prison warden. So I have to play there. But I don't have to like it.
When I strike it rich, please believe the first (ok, not first, but top ten) thing I'll do is open up a league to compete with Mansion. Mansion will close within 3 summers, maybe 2. Honestly, how hard could it be? Once you have the courts, all you need to do is buy balls every summer and get some decent refs (What're those PIAA guys doing in the summer? Exactly.) And hey, if someone wants to do this before me, buy all means, go right ahead. Just do everything exactly the opposite as Mansion and Skip, and you'll be golden.
Best of luck to you.
If Ty Thomas Could Dribble, Shoot and/or Pass, He'd be Good. But He Can't, So He Isn't.
Two things are currently driving me nuts: The Lake House and Tyrus Thomas. What do they have in common? Well, they are the protagonists for possibly the two dumbest premises of the summer.
An even stupider premise? Ty Thomas could possibly go number one in the NBA Draft.
Oh...My...God.
Do NBA GMs pay attention at all (could I possibly use more italics?). I mean, name an NBA team who currently doesn't have a Ty Thomas on its bench? Does any team really need another 6'8", athletic freak-of-nature who can smack his belly button off the rim but couldn't knock down a jumper to save his life and would need 10 chances to dribble through a row of folding chairs? His most flattering compliment has been, "He's Stromile Swift with an upside." Has there ever been a more blatant back-handed compliment?
Honestly, what discernible skill does he have, sans dunking?
He can't shoot; not even close. During his highlight package after he is selected, it will be all dunks and one (read this closely, and remember it: ONE) jumper - a 15 footer from the right wing/baseline against Duke. You know why it will be that one? Because it was the only shot he made the entire tournament - when his stock exploded - outside of the paint. I'm telling you - watch for it.
He can't dribble. When he got out on the break, he looked ridiculous dribbling the basketball. He looked like a 5-year-old playing Wack-a-Mole at Chuck E. Cheeses - just randomly flailing his arms about, hoping to God he hit something. Being unable to dribble was also unfortunate because once he picked it up, he couldn't pass, either.
He is great at two things - blocking/altering shots and finishing around the rim. Give him credit, around the bucket, at both ends, he's legit. But how the hell is he going to get there in the NBA? Beat someone off the dribble? That's laughable. Plus, no one will even come out to guard him - I'd let him jack 12-foot J's all night. He's going to have to rely on catching lobs and getting offensive rebounds...does that sound like someone who should be the first pick in the draft? No, it sounds like a role player, an exciting guy who comes off the bench and can spark runs with energy and electric plays. Sure, he could be helpful, but he isn't a franchise guy. A franchise guy can dribble, shoot and pass - at the very least.
(Side note: Don't GMs consider this?
First GM: "Hey, Bob, you know, I was thinkin' a little - dangerous stuff, I know, I know! - but this Thomas kid...you know he's coming out now because there is a very real possibility he could go back to school for another year and be so-so? Well, I was thinking, if he's coming out now to avoid not being good in college, aren't the odds pretty good he will be not very good in the pros, too? I mean, there are better players and stuff...Plus, we're paid to know who's good in college...we never even heard of him before the tournament started...I dunno, I just have an uneasy feeling...."
Second GM: "Best not to think like that, Jim. Didn't you see the two weeks he had in the NCAA tournament? If you can't trust a two-week stretch that's predicated largely on momentum and barely on consistency, what can you trust? No, no, don't think like that...it's really not safe...I mean, everyone else thinks he's good, ya know? Better just go along with the crowd...")
It just amazes me that this kid is going to be drafted in the top three based solely on athletic ability and potential. Am I really the only one who sees this? Me and my younger brother are the only two people who get this, I think. Everyone else is just sold on him, like he's this can't-miss prospect. He can't dribble, pass or shoot. That has to count for something, right?
But, hey, it doesn't matter, I'm not the one pulling the strings on draft night. Charlotte picks at No. 3, though - maybe Jordan can draft himself another Kwame Brown. That worked out beautifully last time.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Soccer is dead. Too bad.
So the US - fielding its alleged "best team ever" - lost to Ghana, 2-1. I actually got up and watched it. Now I wish I would have slept in. What a complete dissapointment.
Even if the US played like this, they wouldn't have the success of the Brazilians. But its the right way to do it, I think (even though I don't know what I'm talking about). Like when yuo learn how to type....maybe in the beginning, yuo get better results by just hunting and pecking, but in the long-term, its better to do it the right way. The US is still hunting and pecking, and Brazil is flying along at 120 wpm.
I don't know any technical stuff, but it seems to me the more you pass, the better your offense is. The more goals you score. Most of the goals I've seen in the World Cup are either off free/penalty kicks or off a series of nice passes. Seems to me the successful teams are the best passers.
The US does none of that. Their typical offensive "set" - if thats what you call it - goes something like this (or at least this is what it looks like to someone who doesn't know to much about futbol): Kasey Keller takes the ball out of the back of the net and sets it down on the ground. He then motions to four or five of his teammates, apparently positioning them for a long pass, and then proceeds to boot the ball the length of the field to no one in particular. Hopefully, someone from the opposing team knocks it out of bounds, and the US gets a throw-in. That really seems to be our best bet. If that somehow happens, we throw it in, screw around with the ball for as long as we can, play it back, play it back, play it back...and then find a way to get it to the other team as quickly as possibly. Rarely we'll get a shot off - if we do, it generally sails fifteen to twenty feet over the goal (honestly, if the goal was 30 feet high, the US would have destroyed Ghana. Like 7-2) . Then we play defense.
And that really doesn't work. Just once I would have liked to have seen Keller pass the ball to a teammate and see the US try to work the ball up the field and try to put together an offensive set. Jacking it down the field - essentially hitting and hoping - doesn't work. It resulted in exactly zero goals this World Cup (our lone goal came off a silly turnover). Italy scored as many US goals as the Americans.
Still, US soccer is still growing. They are recognized as someone to take seriously. They are still relatively "young" in terms of national-level experience. The fact that an early exit in a very tough group is seen as a huge dissapointment means alot. The sad part is that this performance has probably extinguished any budding interest in soccer among Am
Soccer is hard to get into. The US implosion in Germany doesn't help, but there are a ton of other reasons why Americans don't get into it. Here's some of them:
1. Soccer players are the biggest pansies in the world. Honestly, outside of syncronized swimming and and ribbon twirling, is there a softer bunch of "athletes" in the world? During the US-Ghana match, the stretch was brough out at least four times. Four! Have you ever seen a sporting event, outside of the beautiful game, where the stretcher was brought out twice? And the shameful thing is, every time some one was stretchered off, he was back in within 5 minutes every time. Incredible.
2. Soccer players are rewarded for being pansies and fakers. They are probably stretched off every 15 minutes because they get rewarded for being wusses. The more you fake, the better off you are. How easy is it to trick a soccer ref? Do they have any what it takes to knock some one over? I mean, any idea? I wish they would have had a soccer ref as a high school teacher. You could cheat your ass off and then blame the kid you were cheating off; you'd get an A and the smart kid would get suspended.
3. Stoppage time. Possibly the dumbest rule in sport. Has there ever been a remotely believable explanation as to why no one can really know when the game is over? Imagine this in other sports..."Three, two, one - and that's it! The Heat are your 2006 NBA Champs! No...wait...There's seven more seconds....Dirk grabs the ball Wade just chucked in the air, feeds Harris under the rim...MAVS WIN! THERE WILL BE A GAME SEVEN!!" Or..."And that wraps it up, ladies and gents, the White Sox win their first world series in 80 some years...no, I'm sorry, the ref awards the Astros 4 more outs....sorry, Chicago, you'll have to wait a little longer for that championship..." It's ridiculous. Its a rule a king or a dictator would make; it makes no sense, but I say so, and we've been doing it for so long, we're not going to stop now. Why can't the clock stop on substitutions and penalties? Let everyone see? Would that really be so hard?
4. Being a "good sport." Here's the situation. Franco takes the ball from Bobino and is about to head up field when he hears Franco screaming in pain a few yards behind him. Being a "good sport," Bobino kicks it out of bounds. Once Franco either recovers or is taken off the field, Franco's team will kick it back to Bobino's. But any advantage Bobino may have gained after the steal in nullified. Because Franco got "hurt."
Seems thoughtful, but its bullshit. 100% BS. First of all, Franco is never hurt. Soccer players are notorious fakers, pansies, wusses, exagerators, cheaters...its rarely genuine. So one team makes a great, clean play, the other fakes an injury, and the guy that makes the great play gets screwed. Well, sportsmanship should apply both ways, no? If one guy is going to be a good sport and kick it out of bounds, shouldn't the guy who is "hurt" be genuine? Just something to think about.
5. Offsides. I know this is like tantamount to sacrelige, but I just don't get it. Why can't I sneak behind a defender? Why? Is it to make the goals more beautiful? I'm being serious here. I don't even want this rule necessarily obliteratied, I just want it explained to me. Since there is offsides, mos goals, at least to me, come off free/penalty kicks and or headers after long crosses (and about 89 failed attempts). Wouldn't there be some prettier, more beautiful goals if you could go any where you wanted?
(The only good thing about offsides? With scores always bein 1-0 or 2-1, no sport gives you more "Oh...Oh...OOOHHH!" moments than soccer. Not even close. So that's fun. Maybe 7-5 games would ruin the sport...but I don't think so. Would it?)
Don't bash me for not getting it, just explain why the rule exists. And change the other four. And figure out who Kasey Keller is pointing at. That's all I'm asking.
Oh, and some other random things....how soccer players always clap to the stands even after a 3-0 beatdown, that a game can actually be decided on penalty kicks (hey, lets end baseball games with a HR derby or basketball games with a dunk contest...fun to see, not a good way to decide who has a better team) and that two yellow cards gets you suspended for the next game. Seems a little steep, no? OK, I think that's all for now.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Tainted Game 5
I can't recall a game in recent memory that seems to be as tainted as last night's Game 5 (which is a shame, because it somehow has eclipsed Dwyane Wade turning into...well, something really, really good.) You have Stack's questionable suspension heading into the game, then tack on the alleged phantom foul on Dirk allowing Wade to sink the game winning free throws, plus Josh Howard calling the worst time out since Chris Webber. And what about Cubes shooting David Stern death stares? Or Nowitzki's mini-tantrum heading back to the locker room.
First of all, Dirk's "foul." Clearly, after the replay, there wasn't a foul there. But in the ref's defense, the first time you see that play, it really looks like a foul. Dirk swings his arm down at Wade, plus he was driving wildly through basically the entire team...all signs point to a foul. When refs are taught how to calls fouls, they are taught to look for the arm swinging down. That gets called all the time. If you wanna get called for a foul, swing your arm down like that. Unless you come away cleanly with the ball, you're getting rung up. That's just the way it works.
The most egregious part of the whole thing is ESPN's analysts after the game. Every single one of them was dead wrong. They went right down the line - Legler, Anthony and Pippen, all three of them - and said Wade "earned" that call by going to the basket hard all game. How stupid is that? I'll tell you how stupid: they made Stu Scott look like the smartest guy at the table.
You don't "earn" a call by previous actions. Its impossible, and that logic is infuriating. Either it was a foul or not. The refs didn't "get into a rhythm" of calling fouls. Previous outside circumstances are irrelevant.
Number 3 got that call for two reasons, and two reasons only. Dirk swung his arm down and it says "WADE" above that 3 on the back of his jersey. If Antione Walker had been relentlessly attacking the basket all night, he wouldn't have gotten that call. There's a short list of players who get that call, and Wade is either at or near the top of it. Case closed.
So the Mavs didn't get screwed there...but they did get screwed when the refs awarded them tht timeout. Clearly, the Mavs didn't want it. That was obvious from the get-go. Here's what the refs said after the game, via a "statement:"
"Josh Howard goes to Joe DeRosa and not only once but twice asks for a timeout. Forced to call it. Simple as that."Um...that never happened. Howard never talked to anyone, espcailly not a ref. All he did was make the time out sign towards his coach. The refs blew it, and they lied to cover it up. Classy.
And say he did ask for it. Why could't he just change his mind? How about when a guy dives out-of-bounds to save a ball, calls a timeout, but the ref says he was out before he called it. That guy is never forced to then take that timeout. And that happens like once a game. So maybe in the biggest game of the entire flippin' series, the refs could have used a little common sense. Apparently the ESPN crew wasn't using theirs, they probably could have borrowed it.
As for Cuban...that was a little much, no? Don't get me wrong, I like Cuban...but he seems to be kind of a dork to me. He just doesn't quite get it. Tough to put into words...I dunno. That was just a little lame. Like a little kid who didn't get his way, so he pouted. Go write a blog. Go buy another team. But really Mark...don't stare at someone. Man, that was sad (but not as sad as Dirk's tantrum...I mean, Germans can get angrier than that right?)
Regardless, due to the NBA's inane 2-3-2 Finals format, the Heat are up 3-2 in a series where the only thing that matters is home court. The series ends in Dallas.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Thoughts on the Little General
I'm just thinking outloud here. Just a thought. I'm not sure if this is right or not, but I'm saying it anyways. Here goes.
In every series he has coached this postseason, he has been lauded for "outcoaching" his counterpart down the sideline. He makes personnel moves the other coaches either don't see coming or can't handle.
Now, I'll give credit where credit is due, but...might we be heaping just a bit too much on Avery? He's coaching far and away the deepest team in the league (10 deep?!). He makes moves other coaches can't handle simply because they don't have the personnel to do so. What coach wouldn't kill for the flexibility Avery has at his fingertips? The ability to go small or big, play up-tempo or half-court or anywhere in between. Whatever the opponent calls for, he has an answer ready to go.
Of course, the ability to come up with those answers is commendable, and is something probably only a handful of coaches could do with the consistancy and success Avery has done it with. It's kinda like a multiple choice test; Avery has the answer to any situation staring him in the face, he just has to be smart enough to pick it. And Avery is smart enough. No denying that.
It just seems like if Don Nelson tried to get them to play any defense, the Mavs could have been doing this a little while ago. That might be unfair - Dirk certainly isn't the player he is now, and Devin Harris has exploded in Howard has gotten better...Does that make Nelson stupid or Avery smart? Probbaly both. God I wish I had a point here.
All I'm saying is, as good as of a job as Avery is doing, maybe it isn't the most difficult task in the world. Then again, maybe it is (after all, if Don Nelson can't do it, who can?). I dunno. Jus sayin'.
(I think I'm just curious exactly how good of a motivator Avery is. What if he was coaching, say, the Wizards or the Lakers. If he was forced to play a certain style with a limited roster, could he do it? Probably, but I don't think we'll know for a while since the Mavs are more stacked than Pamela Anderson (Yes! A boob joke! Tee-hee.) for the foreseeable future. Stack is getting up in years, but the core - Dirk, Terry, Howard, Harris - are all good to go for a while. Good times for Mavs fans.)
I started writing this and I wasn't exactly sure what my point was gonna be, and now I'm done and I have even less of an idea. Avery Johnson would do good on the SATs was my point, I think.
Good one, me. Moron.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Skip Bayless, I Am Not
I was thinking about the "You're not invited to my party" list, and it got me thinking. That's pretty negative, ya know?
The last thing I want to turn into is Skip Bayless, who couldn't find the good in the second coming of Christ, let alone Tom Brady's clutch play or LeBron's glorious debut. "Honestly? All that bright light? Got in my eyes, and I think I have a mild sunburn. And the angels playing harps? So last millenium. Get with it, JC. We're going to stay positive - for the most part...or at least make an effort - around here at Point 23.
Thus, I give you "The Cool Lunch Table," the exact opposite of the hit list that is "You're Not Invited to My Party." Here's where the coolest, funniest, most clutch, admirable figures of the sporting world all hang out.
So send in your submissions, and I'll take care of the rest. Good times, good times.
And dear God, keep the Skip Bayless comparisons as far away from here as possible.
Monday, May 29, 2006
The Big Bang Theory
Much has been said lately about the Suns and Mavs changing the face of basketball. And you know what? It's about flippin' time. 
I always wondered what would happen if 5 guards took on 5 centers. The guards would be able to get the ball up the court easily, but I don't think they'd be shooting too many layups. They'd have to win shooting jumpers. The big guys, though...how would they handle the guard's press? Who knows - just throw over the top of the press, perhaps? - but once they did get it into the frontcourt, it would be a layup drill. Still, thats easier said that done. I could never make up my mind who would win.
Well, I think the Mavs and Suns have answered that question. They have made the big man basically irrelevant - to an extent. Their systems and philosophy force the most skilled players onto the floor. If DeSegena Diop and Nazr Mohammed are dinosuars, Steve Nash and Devin Harris are the asteroid that wiped their tall, unskilled butts off the face off the earth - poof - in a single, blinding flash. They were just sitting there, being big and unskilled, and then all of the sudden, they're irrelevant. Poor guys.
This new style of play has been seen as something revolutionary and inventive, which may be true, but it is actually the purest form of basketball. For all the Pistons' success and every coach's harpings that defense is what wins games, basketball is essentially an offensive game. You win by scoring more points. And this "new" style of play forces the best players onto the court; the importance of size is diminished. Skill - reardless of who has it - is what matters. The best players play. No specialists; no one out there just because they are tall. And that's basketball at its purest.
Finally.
But back to the Suns and Mavs making "the big man" irrelevant. That couldn't be further from the truth; they have done no such thing. If that were true, Tim Duncan would have been chillin' with Nazr and Rasho for the entire Mavs series, and Dirk Nowitzki - all seven feet of him - would not have the Mavs out to a 2-1 lea
d against the Suns.
What the Suns and Mavs have done, however, is eliminated the unskilled big man. And that's a huge distinction. Nazr and Rasho and Diop and anyone like them are on the court for two reasons: 1) guard the other team's big man and 2) rebound. Well, when the other team doesn't play any big men, suddenly those big guys are standing around with nothing to do. Not good. They end up guarding small forward-types, which is obviously a nightmare at both ends. Plus, they aren't great rebounders. Serviceable at best, I'd say. Throw in the fact that the Suns and Mavs shoot either layups or threes most of the time, and that means the rebounds are either non-existant (layups) or long (off threes), where centers aren't handling them anyways.
That said, those big men could still be getting some burn. They are riding pine because they can't keep up defensively, plus they can't score, either. So whats their value? None, that's what. But if Rasho and Nazr - or Diop, for that matter - could play offense, their minutes wouldn't have changed. Duncan and Nowitzki, who can actually score - let alone catch a basketball - stay on the court. Why? Because they are good. They are skilled. They can score. Hence, they stay on the court. Their value isn't diminished just because they will struggle on the defensive end.
If the Heat end up playing in the Finals against either the Suns or the Mavs, Shaq's minutes will only be slightly decreased. He's such a good scorer and rebounder (honestly, have you seen him against the Pistons? The Big Fella is lookin' nimble!) that his defensive shortcomings are worth it. His skill offensively more than makes up for his shortcomings at one end of the court. Same with Ben Wallace. Even though he can't score, his rebounding and hustle make him too valuable to sit on the bench (plus he's quick enough to guard a small forward without too much dropoff, so maybe he's a bad example). The point is, Shaq, Duncan and Nowitzki all create matchup hell when other teams try to go small. Rasho, Diop and Mohemmed, Inc. don't. Skill rules. Basketball at its purest.
Alleluiah.
Honestly, Diop scored 192 points the entire season. He's not a good basketball player. He's just big. Why should he be on the court? The newest iteration of basketball, sans the quickly-becoming-extinct Hugus Bigguyus, is phenomonal for the sport. Pair it with the new Golden Age the NBA is teetering in the brink of, and I for one couldn't be more excited.
And that question the Mavs and Suns answered, who would win 5-on-5, guards or big men? The answer is obvious now, isn't it? Obviously, its whoever is more skilled. Regardless of size. And isn't that how basketball should be played?
(Nod your head yes.)
Well, since I can’t get my own column around here I guess I have to take things into my own hands. Some know me as rockchalkin or Who Do You Think, but from know on it will just be zero, actually Zero. Enough about me, let’s pick.
The First Annual Baked Lays Mock Draft
Presented by Grey Goose
1. Toronto Raptors - Well, they need a 1. Too high to take one in my opinion. They need a 2, Roy’s the right pick, but young Colangelo disagrees with me and apparently he knows more about running a franchise than I do. They need a five and unless they feel like drafting someone named Hilton with the first overall pick then I doubt they fill that need. I say trade, as a matter a fact I'll go out on a limb here and say they send this pick to the Charlotte MJ's for the number three pick and Brevin Knight. Charlotte selects G Brandon Roy and puts this line-up on the floor on opening night.
1 - Felton
2 - Roy
3 - G. Wallace
4 - Okafor
5 - Primo Brezec
I say not bad for a young squad in the East and apparently Jordan wants to spend, spend, spend so if they can go out and get say...a more serviceable center (say, Ben Wallace or Prryzbilla, I know I’m reaching here) and some backcourt help (Speedy Claxton). Anyway, enough about a team that will still probably finish last in the Southwest. They’re young, give ‘em two years.
2. Chicago Bulls – This is my favorite pick of the night because its not their pick, it’s the Knickerbockers. I want them to ship this to Minnesota with some of the youngbloods they have been stockpiling and take back KG, but they won’t and McHale probably wouldn’t take them. Now that Roy is gone, they’ll take Aldridge and try to sure up the center position, boring pick. They finish fourth in the East next year and play seven great games with the Wiz.
3. Toronto Raptors – Mike James who? who? who? Mike Jaaaaaaames doesn’t have any plans of staying in America Jr. so that’s why the took Brevin Knight and traded down. Opening Night line-up
1 – Knight
2 – Mo Pete, Flintstones what
3 – Charles V.
4 – Bosh
5 – Rasho
Looks like they need help at the 2, oh wait they could have just taken Roy at one and been done with it and had a nicer young core than Charlotte but nahhhhhhhhh that’s no fun. They take Andrea Bargnani and play him at the five. Who knows, maybe they can be the dumpster version of the Suns. Whatever, another boring pick. You may not think so but I am having fun.
4. Portland Trail Blazers, formerly the Jail Blazers – Adam Morrison, if they don’t there might be a riot. He’s gonna be fine in the NBA, they say he can’t play D, but then again who can. He’s not Larry Bird, but he’s not Trajan Langdon either, yes I hate Duke.
5. Hotlanta Hawks – This is where things get fun. Apparently Billy Knight has promised Sheldon “Ork” Williams to draft him. You know what, he’s right, take another power forward that’s somewhere around 6’8’ because you solved the PG problem you created by not drafting my favorite young player Chris Paul last year.
Side Note: That’s one place that Point 23 and Zero disagree about. He hates CP3, I love. Moving on….
Because I want to be right I say they take Williams, when in reality they should take Randy Foye.
Which of these lineups do you like better?
T. Lue, Johnson, Childress, Harrington, Sheldon
I don’t know why I just typed that it doesn’t even make sense, I just want you to see how absurd it is.
Foye, Johnson, Childress, Harrington, Zaza Pachulia
That backcourt runs things in the East for the next ten years. Whatever Billy Knight, whatever.
6. Kevin Garnett’s team – I am not recognizing them as their real name because they don’t deserve to be recognized by that. They have failed to give KG, who arguably helped reinvent positions 3 – 5 any help except for the year that had Cassell and Spree and took the LakeShow to the limit. They can go two ways here: Foye or Gay. I say Foye and then they trade for K-Mart to give it one last run. Foye is Rookie of the Year, they finish 7th in the west and are swept by the Suns.
7. Boston Celtics – Paul Pierce and Rudy Gay: not enough balls to go around. They draft Marcus Williams and everyone gets new Apple laptops. Sho’ nuff.
8. Houston – Redick gets picked here and becomes boys with Paul Wall and gets a grill. Wall’s next album called DUI’s and Poetry. Houston = complacency. Sounds like a perfect fit for young JJ.
9. Golden State - Tyrus Thomas continues to slip, just for you point23. GS rejoices, grabs Gay with the number 9 pick. He fits in perfectly, actually he doesn’t but know one thought that he would be here at 9. They take him because he’s the best available and trade who ever is playing his position, I think Mike Pietrus for a center. Next.
10. Seattle – Wanted Sheldon, shame they didn’t get him. He would be playing in obscurity up there and I wouldn’t have to see his face ever again. Don’t be surprised to see either Rashard Lewis or Ray Allen moved on draft night or shortly there after. The Sonics are in rebuilding mode, they draft Ced Simmons to play alongside Collison. Ask me if I care.
11. Orlando – Patrick O’Bryant, Dwight Howard is a man and will show him the ropes and serve him some humble pie. I would love to go to the club with Darko, Howard and O’Bryant. It would be interesting to rank the teams that you would like to go to the club with in the NBA, you get three players and $5,000. What team would you have the most fun with. If you don’t do it point23, I will. That’s how bored I am.
12. OC Hornets – Ronnie Brewer.
13. Philly – Rowdy Rodney Carney. Please trade Iverson to the Hawks or the Celtics or the Bulls or Minnesota.
14. Utah - Saer Sene. Chad Ford and Andy Katz are both high on him. Upside, check. Name you can’t pronounce, check. Ladies and gentleman meet this years Desagana Diop. In four years he’ll look great starting at Center for the Heat. From Provo to South Beach, you can’t beat it.
15. OC Hornets – Hilton Armstrong, I like this pick, they are building a nice young team.
16. Bulls – Shannon Brown. They just keep stockpiling more young talent.
17. Pacers – Danny Granger last year. Kyle Lowry this year. Give them a couple years. They’ll be back.
18. Wizards – Thabo Sefolosha. Just another guy to be Gilbert’s man servant.
19. Kings – Sergio “Spanish Chocolate” Rodriguez. Why not. He joins Artest on the crazy train. Nice back up to Bibby.
20. Knicks – HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHA. Don’t they have the second pick? No, you sure, you’re positive about this, well then, who? what? Oh, Isiah Thomas HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Knicks take Rajon Rondo. They will put out a team of Point Guards next year. Look for them to go after Sam Cassell and Jason Terry in Free agency.
21. Suns – Some Foreign guy. I can’t go wrong here.
22. Nets – Mo Ager. He makes beats and balls.
23. Nets – Pittsnogle. He’ll fit in real well.
24. Grizzlies – Quincy Douby
25. Cavs – Jordan Far-mar. UC – LA. Lebron will be real happy about this.
26. Lakers – Mardy Collins. He fits perfect in the triangle. He won’t say a word when Mamba24 starts jacking again.
27. Suns – Already took a foreign guy. Now they take PJ Tucker. Good back up at the 3. Plus he fits the system because he can just roam.
28. Mavs – Joel Freeland. He’s from England. He’ll be staying there for at least 3 years.
29. Knicks – No HAHA’s this time, I promise. Josh Boone. Good one coach. Hope this helps you toward your one year goal. Me and point23 should run this team.
Josh Boone. HAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAHAH
30. Blazers – Mike Gansey. Reshaping their image. Him, Morrison and Jack are the future.
Well that wraps up my first ever mock draft. I’ll be back in the comments later this week to sum up how teams did and how I did. For now, I’m out. Let me know what you think.
Zero
Of course something had to go wrong.
Tyrus Thomas goes at 13 to Philly, which bumps Carney to the Suns at 21. Sorry Memphis fans
(As I throw my TV through a window)
"I knew I should have proofread this."